more overthinking

Take for instance, the rabbit litter.  It used to be a litter and two cages. The cages would get very heavy and I'd struggle so he started helping. Eventually he just took over.  great, okay, I like help with the chores.  Then he'd fail to do it till I nagged him.  then it got to where if I didnt nag him it didnt' get done.  I quit nagging and just did it myself. So he'd catch me doing it an it's all "oh I'll do that, quit, what are you doing?"  so I'd let him do it and right away he'd slack off.  Or he'd do the job, but bitch about every part of it, make me come down repeatedly like some kind of supervisor.  Either I'm finding something or playing body guard to the rabbits because he's yelling at the poor little things.  He'll yell at an animal for what he thinks it might do.  I try and tell him better and he tells me I dont know anything.
If I would force him to go out and do something fun with me he'd pitch a fit at the last minute over something stupid like not knowing where his sunglasses or coffee cup are.  Then refuse to go.  or if I could get him to go he'd be miserable the whole time.  Fade into the distance if I talked to anyone, the ghost husband.  Does he exist? if so, why won't he be seen near his wife?  Is he embarassed by her?  No, he's just resentful of her trying to be happy.  Happiness is always punished.
Always.  I tried so hard to be happy in spite of him. Meditation, good food, self care of any kind I found.  I never lashed back to hurt, always only to communicate, and even angry i pulled my punches but he never did.  I never missed a chance to stroke his ego.  Whether I'm telling him he looks good today or assuring him that his work is above par, or that he's worthy of X or Y or whatever.  I made an effort in this marriage to always do the right thing.  All I got from it was income and strife.  He drove poor Sarah crazy.  She completely lost her mind to fear.  Between me going on emotional rollercoasters every two weeks and him being completely unpredictable and surly, she just couldn't relax anymore.
Poor Timmy is falling unwell today.  I don't know what Dan fed him today but he's got the runs starting.  that's how it starts for him. He's so worried about me.
i'm so sorry Timmy.

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