The next 50 years

Tom is coming by, that'll be fun.  I had a flash of inspiration but getting the browser open took longer than losing the memory. Oh wait, it came back!  It's about memory loss, is why, LOL.  Memory is written, I think I understand it, to the hippocampus first.  Emotion drives this writing, that's why being dramatic about something makes others remember it better if they give a shit about you.   Of course if you're monopolizing them like that they'll stop caring sooner than you like. But okay, so then when you sleep the hippocampus uploads what's left from the day into the long term cortical memory during the dreaming and deep sleep phases while the brain is also flushing out toxins.  This is a period when blood supply to the brain is increased dramatically.  I think they said 20% of the body's blood is in your head when you're fast asleep.  All that fluid flushing.  It's probably why we pee halfway sometimes, from filtering it all out. Drin...

You know, I learned the word "ostracized" in grade school.  I remember a saying that was used to bring people into line "you'll be a pariah."  I didn't really understand the word.  It sounds too much like "parish" and "parochial" but a pariah is a person who is not welcome in human social groups.  I should submit my image to Oxford for the dictionary.  it's the thing that happens to you after you've become a whore, pedophile, or crazy person.  It's the worst possible outcome, worse than those things.  Gee whiz.  It isn't making me want to try harder, folks.  It's removing from me any remaining motivation to try at all, actually, and the isolation is ensuring I lose what skills I had. Ok, I'm just taking myself down the garden path of self pity again.  Nothing new to be learned from chewing on it. I almost squished my dog last night.  I crawl into bed, and while I was out he'd wormed down under the folded blan...

So I tried using a free diet tracker.  All it did was keep a log file with pictures of what I input.  No functionality of any sort or analysis or way to use the data, not even to export it.  It was tedious and beginning to cause me to fast rather than have to present it for the tracker photo, list it, etc.  Tedious.  After six weeks I had not found a need or use nor seen much advantage so it's gone.  I'd not mind a mood + diet tracker, where you could select all meals n hours before all x moods, and look for a pattern.  I might even pay for one if I knew it would work for me, but they don't give you one month full use before you pay for it and I'm cheap.  So anyway, I eat pretty bloody good and cleaned it up even more this week.    I've got this blasted infection in my mouth and I"m battling it partially by supplying my body with good proper food.  I think I'm making progress, the swelling and pain have gone down anyway.  enoug...

What a weekend.  I had to hide my lamp to keep Dan from forcing his idea of a "better fix" on me.  Man won't take no for an answer no matter how hard you say it!  Doesn't help that my prototype broke either.  It just needs a stronger arm but I'm reluctant to reprint with all this nonsense.  I'm thinking I may be able to weld on it with the 3d doodler. I got some PLA strands for it so I could first weld the break shut, then make struts across the corner to help hold it.  I already put three nails in it but it's not strong enough. So I was thinking about young women and how they get turned into sex objects.  I was thinking about the male POV wherein if she doesn't like it, why would she participate? See, a girl is raised up with less information about the wider world, if any.  She gets it from girlfriends and what media she's able to access.  She hasn't got the vocabulary, prerequisite education, literacy, or reasoning skills to access most m...

I'm not going away with any friends.  But I'll saturday laugh more than half of the day....  (old song, check it out some time) Tom's coming by.  I'm looking forward to that.  it's a nice break in an otherwise pretty routine life.  Spring can't come soon enough!  I brought home tulips and hyacinth from the grocery store thursday. We're low on funds and I'm scrimping but flowers don't get scrimped on. "If they fortune be bereft, And in thy store there be but left Two loaves, sell one, and with the dole, Buy hyacinths to feed your soul." Thank you John GreenLeaf Whittier for a terrific life motto! I always buy flowers in February, hyacinth, no matter how poor I am and they are so much more to me than the food I could have bought. I like to put my flowers next to the parrot cage.  I can tell that Sam likes flowers.  He's the first non-human I've seen to appreciate them as beauty, not just food.  Oh he'll eat them, sure, but...

it occurs to me it'd be useful to list Dan's positive traits.  Someone out there is reading and I'd hate them to start thinking worse just from this blog. he shovels the snow beautifully.  he does most of the outside chores in winter.  Bless him for that!  He's the one goes out and fights with a cold broken vehicle. Of course I should include that he earns the income that keeps this castle running.  Maybe that's not a lot in some heads but with the poverty I've enjoyed, it's almost everything!  Well, it's enough by itself. Qualities, yes.  He stops short of becoming physically harmful.  he tries to do better when he realizes a behaviour is abusive or harmful.  I mean, the man's had a whole life of bad habits demonstrated and tolerated so you can't expect him to just be affable and easy going.  If he was, he'd have a wealthier wife anyway. He's a quick study when he's not stressing.  He can learn some pretty groovy stuff and does...

Dan doesn't understand how to develop.  He doesn't know how prototyping works.  He puts too much ego into his work to share it with team members. Okay, that's the basis of what's whirling round my head. Dan will treat the invention as a thing which must be fully concieved before it is built.  If the first iteration is not a working model, it is proof of time wasted.  It makes all the previous concentration null and void, the time spent wasted, the effort lost.  You can try and point out that he was doing it for the sake of doing, not for the having, and he'll quit raging so hard, but try and point out the changes needed to improve the object and suddenly it's someone criticising him, taking over, telling him what to do.  Even if he were to follow this process himself, he'd see himself as being critical and harsh instead of hearing the ideas being floated during the "criticism." You can't get anything done around him!  He'll insert himsel...

Every day, at some point, I thought Dan was going to get it made, but nope, four days later he's got nothing I can use. He's supposed to make a clamp to fix my table magnifier lamp.  I want a cylinder that the arm slips down into which clamps on the table.  He spent most of the time making a part to match the thing that broke even though we won't use it.  Then he started working on the screw and made it so that it'll slip and wear in no time at all.... So I'll make it myself today if he doesn't come home early and spoil my working time.  Who can concentrate with him around?  He never gives me any time to focus.  I wish I had an office space. Okay, so this isn't fun and I have dishes to wash then I want to get designing.  gotta get it built before he comes home or it's another fucking fight about what he thinks I should want vs what I actually want.

Would you believe I can type better than I can talk, even when drunk?  Yes! I put the rum in the coconut but I can't quite drink it all up.  I'm putting off bedtime.  Not for any damn reason at all except it's so damn boring and routine.  I hate going to bed.  Could be that I don't sleep well.  Probably, in fact.  It can go anywhere from waking just a bit before upgetting time and tossing for a couple hours, or being uncomfortable for the whole last 4 hours of the night, if I got to sleep in the first 2.  I've got a few tactics, including playing train videos on youtube.  You search "cab ride" and pick the really long ones.  there's one with a super-annoying bell chiming on the towns and mountain tunnels.  That'll wake you up.  The rest are pretty groovy but they don't all run for at least 8 hours. I have a sleep cd from way way way back.  It doesn't work anymore.  It almost sets up a sense of resentment, as does my...

Doing it again, busy painting boxes till I don't post for days!  I've got all the bracelets printed for this summer.  I'm really hoping the 3d printing trend isn't peaked yet by then, but I think I'll be able to surf the wave this year.  Another year, it wouldn't be as interesting because there'll be a lot more printers this time next year!  Already there is a Dremel model available in the stores!  I'm going to pop round Canadian Tire this afternoon for a boo.  I've decided not to lust it but I'm tickled at being able to buy the filament as it fits our makerbot.  Definitely I will pick up a spool today for testing!  I love the guys in Outlook www.thor3d.com but it's so much more convenient to just pop round across town by myself than to fiddle with paypal and web forms and then wait with an eye on the door.  I can say they can often get it to you by afternoon, so really for many people it's less convenient to pop by the store than to orde...

For blessed are they who ply with shovel and scraper to bring civilized concrete once again to light.  Upon them may shine the warm suns of summer and a blessing on all their kin who also shovel! A pox and damnation on all those who do not.  May they find themselves well entrenched in the cold bite of a Saskatchewan winter for every day until they learn to clear their walks! It's not just handicapped people, although that ought to be more than enough.  It's not just the letter carriers, paper carriers, couriers, and school children.  It's not just the cyclists who can't push the bike through deep snow or use the fouled streets full of sliding metal. It's all of us, it's the look of the neighborhood, and it's often just ten lousy feet in the middle of the block! So I rode my bike downtown on an errand today.  It was hard work but I know I needed it physically and mentally and I even feel less moody for it. I'm fooling with gold leaf again.  Neon oran...

I'm still doing basket case crap on a daily basis.  Getting so emotionally overwhelmed that my brain is dulled and stupid for the bulk of the rest of the day.  it really gets in the way of what I plan for a day!  I'd love to get on instructables and select a printer, start the process for building one, but I can't think that well when I'm upset!  it's the kind of thing you really need to be thinking to do.  I don't even know if I have any tasks to deal with today.  Hmmmmm, no nothing that can't wait for the temperatures to improve later this week.  Just home stuff.  I've got a pink box ready for it's feet and paint, but I haven't felt like coping with the torch.  It's not like it's difficult or anything, it sits on it's base with a handy little flame I use to heat up wire.  Then I stab the wire through the leg into the box and pin the feet to the box.  If I just popped them into the snap-fit hole, they wouldn't be secure enough fo...

Not that I enjoy or appreciate the taciturn myself.  their company leaves much to be desired.  However, I clearly need to join their ranks.  My garrilous company is no more appreciated from what I can.  I mean, why am I working so hard to communicate with people who don't want to hear me?  if they listen to me, they don't like what I'm saying.  Even when they hear me, they rarely listen to the content.  Fuck it man.  Hubby, he's like "hey what's your opinion, but first let me cut you off after the initial phrase to tell you why you're wrong, even though I haven't heard what you want to say."  I mean, why bother? But how?  I can't disable myself, I still want to be able to ask a bus driver if he stops at main street, or the store clerk to show me where the beans are!  But how do I still my tongue in a world full of people baiting me just to give them a platform to talk at me?  They ask me direct questions and I don't know why I...

I'm thinking about my Dad and his character.  He would have kept running every time he met a rapist.  He probably only got raped a time or two in the start when he was innocent.  He certainly developed some strong fighting skills so who knows how long he went begging from the germans and fending off the gays who would crop up?  What percentage of that army was gay is something we can't know. Not even by examining today's military who might cough up the info.  However, it's reasonable to assume they had a similar ratio to civilian society and that means there'd be gay pedophile soldiers threatening little blond beggar boys. Maybe my innate phobia of rape in my youth had more to do with some transferred fears we didn't register?  I certainly was not innocent about it as a danger from a very young age.  Nor was I left at all innocent about the biology of sex, or the anatomy of the adult body.  However, it was made clear that sexual activity was for ...

I think I have figured something out about my father, just by intuition.  I was thinking of his and my mother's different feelings about Germans.  Dad quite liked them in general, Mom was wary in the early years when they joined the club.  Fortunately for her, the club members were quite nice people since Germans aren't as a whole nasty folks in spite of the sadists they sent out in the 40s.  Shit happens, and they've done what they must to their own culture and history to ensure it won't happen again.  I have met enough people from Germany and seen enough online to believe that. So back to Dad.  The story was that he and his brother were "sent up north to find food."  He told tales of getting stinging nettle and having to pee on it, hiding in ditches from the occupying forces of Hitler, and generally not finding food at all.  How he came to return home or distinct stories never came.  Dad wasn't one to talk about his life, even the spectacu...

Got an idea for a pedal generator.  Not sure if there's one on the market, that'll be the start of my research.  If not, I've got a clear plan for a design.  I just don't know all the engineering to build it myself, unfortunately.  I never do.  I wish I had access to specialists like other people. edit: nevermind, I just did some googling and there's already models on the market quite nice and compact.  Search "pedal generator for desk." I'm quite pleased I don't have to try and build one. Well we'll see, maybe I can figure it out.  I'm just importing the sketches and notes from my boogie board rip.  Damn Ilike that thing.  I want the new one too but it's pricey so it hasn't happened.  I do think it would interface like a dream with the Surface and Dan would want one too.  We can't afford the Surface yet either, LOL!  I'm glad it's a possibility at all.  It was a long time in my life that "no" was the immedia...

I still have imaginary conversations with my mother.  They are inevitably unpleasant with me defending whatever topic is on my mind.  I always felt that way around here. "Your plans keep changing!  First you were going to live on a boat in the islands and now you're moving to Penticton to live in a trailer home?"  She would take that approach. Well, the boat turned into a tiny house, and the location moved.  All that happened as the two people in this marriage talked and worked out details they could live with.  Dan wouldn't accept the boat, he hated the idea.  I wasn't that keen on it myself in many ways.  As attractive as the final result, the road there was going to be a bit too hard, really.  I haven't sailed since childhood and I never learned proper navigation.  Dan has never sailed.  The space in a boat is worse than our tiny house plans.  In fact, the tiny house design may have as much space as this house when all is ...

my alarm isn't working anymore.  I have so much trouble sleeping the night through some nights that I'm just too tired.  I've asked Dan to wake me and he waits till late, but at least I still am there in the morning to care for the birds.  My alarm goes off and I turn it off, just like that, feeling like I need more sleep.  I should try to get to bed earlier again I guess.  But that would mean getting ready for bed right this minute!  Yech. I discovered Jeff Bridges's "sleep tapes."  What they are, it's clear, are a series of guided meditations as taught to him by various people over his life.  These are the things he uses, variously, to calm himself.  Suggested for someone else, they're so utterly absurd as to be beyond belief.  Unfortunately he does not keep his guided meditations clean. Even for himself this would be anything but relaxing as he runs off topic frequently, and is interrupted by a variety of disturbances from sullen spo...

I like to daydream about terraforming planets.  When I was young and reading science fiction novels I often read about it but the authors couldn't really describe the details. These days it's getting to where you could actually build a terraforming simulation in a computer with details on what species would suit the ecosystem, and what bits would need to start first.  I think we'll terraform mars and sooner than we realize. First you find a place that has a reasonable quantity of the natural minerals and elements you think you'll need.  If you're facing a world like Titan, you might focus on planting cetaceans as the dominant species in a water world.  So you'd need all the necessary sea life to support the whole ecosystem and only after you'd developed the lower orders and basic chemistry would you be able to introduce higher orders, even if it's their waste on which the lower species depend.  You'd have to manually feed, care for, and accelerate t...