The next 50 years

Today I went out with my boxes to shop them around.  I flunked out on finding a placement but earned $180 on six of them after giving one away.  So I'm seven less and nearly two hundred bucks ahead, although I spent some on the way home.  It's just cool to go out shopping and return with extra.  I have a couple places to return to as the people I needed to speak with were unavailable and a couple other places to try as well so I'm not out of options yet.  I might even have more made by the time I go out again.  I don't know if I'll go today or wait and try on Friday or something.  One of the locations is only available 6-9pm I think.  Oh but Friday is stupid hallowe'en...  Well we'll see. At any rate, selling six of them like that, for $30 each, is very encouraging and maybe if I just hustle them on the street I can sell the rest that way.  I will certainly try if I can find the right weather for it. my need for a dental cleaning is goi...

I'm spending the day knitting while the printer makes more boxes.  I photographed and labled the last 6 but I didn't list them on Etsy since I'm taking all of them to a store soon.  It's not worth paying etsy for a listing that won't be there a whole week.  I'm torn between taking them in this week or waiting till next.  Can't quite decide but for today, no worries. I'm on the home stretch of the last sock and if nothing interferes I should be able to get it done.  The heel slowed me down seriously because it uses some non-standard techniques but it's so close to done now, I don't want to stop.  I also don't want to lose track of the point I'm at. Huh, dan's home early.  That'll put a kink in the blogging.  Well at least I haven't quit blogging yet.  Even if I can't always get into a good think.

It's petty, I know, in the light of your dead relative, cancer therapy, or the war in the Middle East.  I get that.  But it's not petty in my life or to me, you see, so I need to dish.  I get rejected a lot in my life.  More than not, really.  I expect it's not the usual experience.  I suspect people would a good deal nicer to each other if they got rejected as often as I do. It leaked in my wonderful little vineverse where everyone but Jeffrey Marsh loved me.  Someone I'd been following for months.  He was a newbie, few followers, just learning, and I was following and would sometimes comment. I clicked the like button even when I didnt' like it.  I commented supportive stuff.  I wondered about him, enjoyed when he responded to my koi shots, etc.  It was kind of a friendship.  I felt warmly towards this person in Indonesia.  Like, you know, if he ever brought his family to Canada I'd welcome him to town and show him arou...

Yesterday as I was cycling around town looking delightfully weird I again noticed the looks I was getting.  I haven't always paid attention and this time I was noticing the race of the looks.  I'd discovered this summer that my hat elicited smiles from everyone except the WASP contingency, those most trained up on anti-witch propaganda.  At first it just seemed to be the Indians and since it was from the west coast people I'd gotten my inspiration, this made sense. then I realized asians and africans and folks in between of all shades of brown were also being nice about it, smiling, complimenting the hat sometimes.  So yesterday I paid more attention to race and realized for the first time that the ONLY races giving me the stink-eye as a weirdo were whites!  Not all of them, just the "good citizen" types.    A foreigner might class them as Christians but I know from inside the culture that most of them are probably athiest or agnostic at best. Then I ...

I was at the grocery store and found this cheap disposable e-cig, j'adore.  No nicotine, just flavour and steam exhaust, but pretty pleasing all the same.  So I'm going to check out what the vape store has since I still think nicotine sans smoke is helpful for my anxiety, but the inhaler is so unsatisfying and feels like sucking on a tampon so I just don't like that any more than that icky gum.  I'm not trying to wean myself off, but use it as daily medicine.  I think it quite rude to further erode my ability to practice self care and force me further into a grinding machine of chemical erasure called "mental health system."  These days not even administered via or with psychotherapy of any kind.  I have seen what that system does to women, the most common victim, too often, and also witnessed how shoddily men in that system are treated.  The evil reaches outright physical and sexual abuse of even minors.  It's as light as criminal neglect and dis...

I really don't.  I need to but there's whacks of crap to buy and it's always so much work.  It used to be fun but it's a chore now.  Maybe if I wear some music it'll be more fun.  It's the way my back gets tight even before going that I am reluctant. Well, to be fair, it's going to put my back into a kiln again for the night.  By that, I mean it'll be on fire so bad it's like being in a kiln.  I went till my late 40s without using pain killers of any kind.  I mean, not even an aspirin for a headache.  I had chronic back pain and all the usual aches and pains but felt that I would be a stronger person for facing my nerve signals raw.    I also felt I'd be safer using it later in life if I'd not built up a resistance or tolerance, and if I had more pain resistance I'd need less.  I didn't understand that the stuff attacks the kidneys but I knew it wasn't wise to consume things out of test tubes designed to enable weakness!  If I ...

Twas a day spent at home.  Dan got paid enough that I can cover all our bills tomorrow and still pick up food, so that's good.  I spent the day at home doing housewife stuff.  The floors got cleaned, a pie was baked, and spaghetti became.  The pie is made with a marzipan crust.  I mix ground almonds with enough honey to clump it and as much cocoa butter as I can afford to throw at it, about a quarter cup today for 6C flour and uhm, from .5-1C of honey but I pour as the mixer turns the mix and stop when consistency is reached. Then I pour in the melted cocoa butter which holds the crust together better after baking.  This is used more or less like pie crust, though it doesn't transfer neatly after rolling (wet tools).  No matter, you can work it as much as you like with your hands till it's even and uniform. Toss in the apples, I included cinnamon, pecans, and a drizzle of honey.  Make a lid out of the other half of the stuff and bake low heat ti...

Including yesterday, that makes it interesting, LOL. So yesterday I set out to solve the problem that killed my dear Goldie koi and three others plus two goldfish. I mean, really, it's been horrible.  We've been struggling for awhile.  I finally got enough learning to recognize via water tests that the problem is too many nitrites in the water.  IOW, the filter is being overwhelmed in spite of being fully cycled and working correctly.  So I went shopping at the hardware store and garden store.  Picked up some square basket things intended to cover vent outlets, some soilless media, some extra plants, cocoa fiber, a couple metal rods and zip ties.  I made the baskets to hang from the rods suspended across the aquarium, using zip ties in the basket holes and adjust the level there. The cocoa fiber lines the basket and separates the bottom inch of soilless media from the soil and the plant roots.  I hope the roots will grow down into the water and do t...

No, I mean, this is the thing. I sit down to write and it's a flipping farce!  Write about my day?  I spent it painting boxes!  If you're that damn interested, buy one.  Okay so maybe someone's reading this years later and can't.  Well the boxes are fun because I get to see the sparkle develop.  Kind of like watching a bug hatch, I guess.  I also love sparkle.  Autistics call these things "stims" because of the pleasure stimulation that one gets from them.  I don't know if non-autistics experience it but I think they do, just not as richly.  They like sparklies too but don't get obsessed over them.  If I had a wall of  iridescent  tinsel big enough to fill my vision I don't think I'd ever want to quit staring at it. I can turn to things like that for comfort against stress too.    A good sparkly is far better for comfort than a hug!  Hugs aren't comforting at all, actually.  They're too awkward.  ...

Oh, that's right, every day I'm supposed to do this. Sunday, lovely autumn weather and Dan is home.  We haven't been out yet.  I don't look forward because an imminent deadline means I have to blow leaves again.  They're sweeping tomorrow and the recent weather brought down a shitload more leaves.  I bet if anyone read this, at least one said "I hate those damn blowers" to herself.  I know.  I don't care for power mowers either.  I would just use a rake but most of my problem is spruce needles and willow leaves.  Neither responds well to raking. A rake fine enough to handle them would be a broom and that won't do the lawn any favours.  Blowing works a treat, though, so that's that for that and when people stop using power mowers every week, I'll stop using a leaf blower three or four times a year. Dan spent the morning working up a bitch mood but finally let it go when I pointed out that we can afford to get a new power supply if his is f...

My life is so unbloggable.  That's why there's no blog, diary, or journal that covers more than a couple months at a stretch.  When there's something to write about I'm too busy doing it to write about it.  Then later, well, it's history and I don't remember it.  Well, I can't say it like that. I mean, I still remember waking up in the back of a grain car, freezing and frost rimed, gazing out on Roger's Pass in the moonlight as our train rounded the last bend before hitting the actual pass.  The road doesn't get that view and, in fact, the train doesn't anymore either.  It's been replaced with a tunnel. I guess I was 22 or 21.  That age when discomfort is minor even when it's major and you're invincible and fearless.  I'd say "carefree" but it only seems that way now. I know I had too many cares for my tender age.  I cared too much about too much and had no power to fix anything. So the view that stretched before me th...

yah, I never got to this yesterday.  We spent the morning rescuing our fish.  They were seriously ill.  In the last three days we lost three fish, one of them the large older koi.  Then my favorite was the next most ill.  She didn't have hours left to live!  So right after feeding ourselves Dan and I set to work.  I'd tried adding salt a couple times in the last few days so it was time for a water change.  I could have tested, but every single test that comes out "problem" indicates, every time, change out 25% of the water.  20% if the problem isn't bad.  So why quibble and mess with testing when you know you're going to change out those buckets of water?  I think there must have been 5 buckets.  Well, 100gal tank, 5gal buckets, 25% is 5 buckets.  Dan hauled the horrible things around.  The siphoned water got tossed out the door and the buckets were filled in the basement where the cold water pressure is good, then he...

So I did manage to get some of the leaf blowing done.  Might get back out for the rest after a coffee break, but I need to get ready for a movie in an hour.  We've got tickets, and they were free with points built up on Dan's scene card, to see the latest Dracula movie.  It looks good.  I don't think it's 3d unfortunately but it will still benefit from the large screen format there. My cut is healing really fast, another benefit from the paleo diet.  So much nutrition in my system that healing isn't a huge challenge.  It's healing at twice the speed I expect.  The folks next door are doing a thanksgiving dinner and there's cars parked all out front from family.  I expect I'll hear that loud laugh soon, LOL.  I hope they're not too troubled by my blower when its running but it's not a long term job and their mower outscreams my blower every weekend of the summer and sometimes early in the morning.  Not to mention she seems to have opened...

I went back to the butcher shop for more of that smoked chicken and they had whole smoked turkies!  so I got more chicken and two turkeys for about the cost of the same bird raw!  This means I have the one I am smoking myself plus two more to slice and bag in portions.I was thus engaged when I got too fast and grabbed too soon for a slice.  I only got a glimpse at it, but the gash was a half centimeter by 2cm flap that made it into the meat.  it was a glancing hit or it would be to the bone.  It's so tightly wrapped it's complaining but the blood will flow if I open it yet.  tissue death takes days anyway.  I  won't keep it this way even overnight.  Sure makes me shakey.  I finished the first turkey but this is going to really slow me down.  Dan said he would be in soon so he can do some cutting up too. The meat sure is tasty though.  I do love me smoked meat.  If I compare this to the price of sliced lunch meat it is hal...

Well, it was the highlight today, LOL, going to get a turkey to smoke on the weekend.  I almost got two but they're huge and very expensive so I didn't.  I did pick up two sides of smoked chicken halves.  We had some tonight and it's really good.  Cheap enough I'd like to go back and buy the rest they have out on stock!  It's the kind of thing that makes being on this diet for life no imposition.  You lose rye bread with cheddar and mustard but gain high quality fresh and gourmet foods because the focus changes.  Expensive?  You paying attention to the price of bread and cereal goods?  First they brought it into being as a way for the elite classes to keep the masses fed cheaply and prevent rioting. It then continued to be a way of getting maximum mileage out of many foods.  In corn starch, flour, syrup, wheat bran, flour, germ, and so much more, they pumped up the meat, they baked up the fruit and veggies, coated things in it, blended i...

Hoo boy I can be quite the shrew, LOL.  Dan leaves for work, but five minutes later as I'm closely watching something on live tv I hear his voice making noise.  I make the word the intonation suggests might be right and he says "where?"  Oh oops, he's asking a question, not just sharing his latest thought.  No, this is more annoying, he wants me to get up immediately and immediately solve his minor effing problem of STILL not knowing where we keep the clean rags.  It's been shown to him a half dozen times but he has to get me out of my chair.  So I scolded him all the way down the stairs and back up as he followed me in his shoes to not remember where the rags are anyway. Then he says "Thank you, my loving wife," with a chuckle and I start getting that old patriarchal program tape running "girls should keep sweet.  Girls shouldn't scold.  Shrew! Bitch!"  Oh come on, he's being an ass.  It's a rag to clean his effing glasses and he ...

Pretty camo?  Is that possible?  I didn't think so till I saw this latest stashbox appear under my brush.  I used the traditional camo colours of sparkle green, soft gold metallic, olive, tan, khaki, brown as a water marble over bronze.  Ok, the sparkle isn't traditional, heh but it ain't got a thing if it ain't got that bling! Then I did the ribbon in two layers of separate gold tones.  The harder metallic went as a base with the soft opalescent gold on top for a few layers.  It comes out looking very golden under the gloss.  I love how the marbling turns out after the gloss lays it flat and gives it depth. I really don't want to sit here and try to figure out what's not too dull to write about.  I'd rather turn on the tv and get out my crafts.  So I will.  If anything remarkable should occur today, I'll tell you tomorrow.

My head is back on painting boxes again.  Again, I also find myself anxious about whether they/re as nice as I think they are.  Until they start to sell, I guess I'll worry.  I worry about how much I'm investing in them.  It's costing real money!  I spent another hundred on paint this weekend.  I've invested probably close to $500 in this hobby.  Don't tel Dan, he's not paying atteniton.  Anyway, at $25/box I need to sell 20 of them to break even.  I haven't even made that many, although I'm hot on the chase. considered as a crazy hobby it's no worse than any other really and I do love both the painting and the sight of these boxes quite a bit.  if anyone says "you should sell these" I'll say "Okay, which one you want?"  LOL I called Dan's mom to facetime today.  She tried us both yesterday but I was busy painting and Dan was at work so she couldn't get either of us.  I think she really enjoys seeing us.  She seems ...

I missed writing in this thing yesterday, possibly the day before.  I don't pay enough attention to calendars to be sure.  it's because I was painting.  I did two marbled boxes friday and a sparkly one Saturday.  I had to go out early in the morning for more paint and then in the afternoon for groceries, so I didn't start the sparkly box till evening.  Damn thing looks like crap, LOL.  I masked off the ribbon where the edges weren't straight and even and I'm adding a silver border against the ribbon.  I still need to very carefully cut along the tape edge so it pulls clean but I'm hoping I'll be able to gloss that all in and get a spiffy result.  I can't be selling boxes that look a child did them. I think menopause may finally be coming.  I went into perimenopause almost 20 years ago but when I got my health improved it backed off.  I'd been having all the symptoms and even found some illegal estrogen for HRT since asking the doc for i...

I don't even know what day of the week it is but I think it's thursday.  I wonder if Dan put the trash out?  No biggie.  I think even our recycling bin is low this week.  That's tomorrow anyway.  How mundane, eh?    Do you get your waste material picked up automagically for tax dollars where you live?  It's one of the little things people forget when they complain about the cost of taxes.  It's really nice having trash and toilet stuff cleaned away so easily, and fresh clear water delivered continuously through buried pipes is also really spiffy.  I like the modern world very much.  Oh oh, and we also have pipes under the ground that bring natural gas to light my stove and heaters!  I have to pay a bit more for that, it's not part of the taxes, but the fee is nothing compared to the cost so I know taxes help pay.  Of course I also have wires to deliver electric stuff like phone, internet, and electricity itself, but that i...

So nearly a week after I went goofy in the head freaking out about how to cope with the Return of Melba.  (melba toest is maureen's clown name)  Now I'm finally able to really ask the question, what the fuck do I want anyway?  What do I want from her?  You know, if you start interacting with some people you're going to pretty much adopt them.  what I mean is, they're so incredibly needy their needs with overwhelm you and take over too much of your focus.  Occasionally driving someone to the ER is a friend's job but some folks will need you for these "intense crises" on a frequent basis!  Monthly or worse!  Whether it's that they're always broke and leaning on you for the resources needed to visit (your coffee, food, house, smokeables, car, movie money, etc or sit around being poor with them) or that they're always calling you because nobody else is available for the bazillion stupid things humans don't like to do alone. I think the problem...

10 am.  Been up 90 mins.  Feels like twice that.  I'm starting to feel the sleep debt now.  Got to bed at 2, so only 6 hrs sleep really.  Not so bad but I feel it and if I did it for a few days in a row it would be screwing me up.  Sleep deprivation has been an issue most of my life, making me stupider and more cross. Got out the treadmill for Sarah and she's so much better now.  She smiled the whole time and really seemed to be glad of the exercise. The house stinks, so do my clothes, of must, mildew and rot mixed with carpet shampoo.  Gross.  Dan let the bunny food fridge melt and flood out the dressing room.  Under the floor is years of wet and mould and now it's been released!  We have a fan on it and windows open down there but my clothes are going to stink forever.  ~sigh~  Well, maybe that's to get me used to the damp on boats?  Ok, not forever, till they've all had a cycle in the wash and hung on the line. ...

I was driving Tom to the ER to have a broken pinky toe taped up, that's all they do even after the Xray confirms broken bones... I started thinking about wanting to make people feel good.  You don't want to adopt them.  You don't want to become responsible.  You just want to make them feel good.  I understand that.  That's how Mark and maureen were approaching me, making me feel good.  It doesn't mean I'm some superstar or a family member, but that I matter enough to spend some time being nice and to reach out.  It's all I allow others to expect of me!  So what's got me so damn bent out of shape from Friday? I still don't really know but if I had the courage to read over the last few blog posts, maybe it would come clear.  I think mostly it was just anxiety running over like a turbo diesel with a blown seal.  It just had a life of it's own and I was just too stressed and alone to stop it.  I had to be alone, though, because as horr...