The next 50 years

I did it, I made it to the fibre fair and blew my budget. I do have $300 on the credit card so I can get kerosene and what not, but I spent the money I would put in savings plus a bit more, $300 all told, on fiber. I did not find a single tool that interested me enough to buy it. I came close a couple times but the fiber is more valuable as art supplies than tools I already have a version of. No chance of a spinning wheel under $500. Not this month anyway, LOL, but I might try and get into a fiber club if I can locate one in reach.  Traffic in the middle of the day is not awful at all.  My experience coming home that day from saskatchewan was a rush hour time zone.  I expected to get here before rush hour got going  but rush hour started 3 hours sooner than I expected. or maybe only 2, but anyway, by 4:30am it was already piling up, and by 6 am I was stuck in unending traffic for the next 3 hours.  Well anyway, the drive was painless and affordable and it's abou...

I drove 45 mins to an event that starts tomorrow because I got my days mixed up.  LOL  I don't mind. The car is efficient and I enjoy driving it. The traffic was smooth and easy and the journey interesting. Further, tomorrow it will be far less unnerving looking for the place, even if it generates extra traffic on the way in to make it more stressful. I also discovered a funky dutch cafe.  I can't afford to be doing restaurants but had to burn an hour till 1pm when doors opened, but for participants to start setting up for tomorrow. Some of the stuff already in the building was quite exciting. Anyway, it hardly used any fuel, the guage is still showing full. I can't get over the size of this whole lower mainland area and all the different tower centers.  it was a lot more rural the last time I was here. Things have changed dramatically. It was also kind of refreshing to be in farmland again. I was raised in rural, and saskatchewan has a distinctly agrarian feel even ...

Today I realized Taylor's face is more than just surgery from bad teeth, she got her muzzle busted in the past and you know it wasn't another dog or by accident. It's too hard to do that by accident, but easy to do in a fit of rage. Poor baby, she's definitely got ptsd, I've seen her go into a fugue state of terror and panic.  I learned her tattoo is spca, so she's had that experience too. I just can't stop protecting her now I understand how deeply she's been hurt. I feel like we are two of a kind, seeing the worst of humans and just wanting safety. So I will live for her even if I do think I see a way out. Her life is now my new "hold on" time, I guess. It feels like the world doing me dirty rather than cooking up something good, though.  Well Taylor deserves it. She makes it easier too. Rene doesn't understand what a cute little teddy bear dog does for me that she can't. Sadly. Timmy felt that way about her, I think. What can...

It's an odd sort of feeling, a bit like defeat, a bit like relief. Not sure what the heck, and it's still terrifying but the car at least is imported now and paid up for the year and in theory, the bus will be paid for the year if Dan doesn't let me down.  I reminded him, since he's not got it done still, that I literally starved for weeks over this money and he better damn well get on the job. The last bit was left implied. My anxiety continues pretty strong but sunny days and having the car fixed are helping. Also I used some of the savings for a bit more food and am eating a bit.  But then there's my shoulder.  It's getting in the way of knitting and spinning, this typing and using the phone, and I don't know the cause.  It's horrible.  Right shoulder just goes into overdrive.  the part under the shoulder blades and the triangle across the top both cramp painfully. Stretching doesn't help and the skin is getting bruised from using a cane handle to...

well ain't that a shocky docky wock.  Carbon Monoxide is a lie.  I went silent a whole week online and in person so as not to spill my plans. I agonized over it. Not wanting to wait but waiting on a lottery ticket.  I cried buckets of tears over killing my pets and all my lost dreams which are still lost. Finally, on the appointed evening, i set up the propane stove. The one that was always trigging the alarm even with all the windows open. It wouldn't light, the regulator had died. It was already getting pretty near useless last time I had used it, this stove was shot and I had to wait another goddamn fucking day in hell. Last night, finally, after having eaten all of what food I had, fed all the good stuff to the dogs all week, and finally ready to accept this terrible fate, I set up the new stove, no extra safety features, and went to bed. For nothing. Got sweaty and hot, but even the canary is fine at 3 am after six hours of cooking.  The heat and humidity here w...