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magic is afoot

I ran into a wizard today. He is an experienced artist who has done large scale public work. I recognized hom and stopped him and we bexame instant friends. He doesn't know why. I don't know why. He was going to give me his landline number for voice calls. I know I will never have theoxy to call.it. So.I explained we were the same and an arranged meeting was futile. I then pointed out that we both could feel the power and it was not necessary to put any work into this. We will keep running into each other somehow. I felt ok about it, he hated not having closure. LOL  As I rode away I knee this was necessary for his mental comfort. He needs to feel safe and I am an enigma in a world that takes. So I did not take anything but the smiles. I think we will be working together on something that brings unity here. Its going to involve elders from the first nations too and I have no idea what I am to do. I do know I am so tuned to magic that I won't miss a single instruction. I mea...
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brain still clear day 2

Second day of the meds and my brain fog is still minor. My blood pressure isn't yet. I may need to figure out some changes for that. I think, in fact, it may be the cause of my tinnitus. So the body is in fact working to return to high state ins pite of the adrenalin blocker, so this could wind up being a negative if I can't retrain my body in the short term. What's more, if I can, I may not need the meds anymore. Either way, I don't think this is a maibtenance medication as much as a reset if I can use it.  I think it fair to give it the winter before worrying about conclusions because winter is more stressful and the blocker will likely still help reduce the impact of all the tension I produce and suffer.  For example, I think I can effectively meditate, I am able to sit without noise, play music, and my brain is working. I think thats the meds.  So I just need to do some deliberate work like stretching and meditation. I fell out of the habit from being too sick to ac...
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new doctor

I had an appointment with the doctor. Mostly to list out my surgeries. I suppose we might have more yet but I think the most of it has been conveyed for now. I haven't had major illnesses although I had the childhood ones common to my era. Mumps, measles, chicken pox. Yes, I am at risk of shingles. No I cannot afford shingrex. So it was such a copacetic interaction that it really helped. I guess this is "trauma informed care" at work? She was very patient and encouraging with me. I kept remembering the average client she faces and that I am probably a breath of relief because I am not going to get coercive or abusive (same thing, really) So she wants me to get a bunch of scans, (yay, i need that) and she is trying to get me authorised for a better lung med. She is setting me up to see a surgeon to monitor my hernias and obstructions, lung tests, kidney tests. Like taking care of me. Also hooking me up with a social worker and maybe this time we can find me a small...
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magic

Interesting scene today.  I was biking down Bute towards Robson when I noticed two men. There were two bicycles.  One man was ranting on the verge of violence, the other silently pointing his phone camera at the ranter, standing there. The camera man had a full beard and colourful textured clothing. The angry man was all clipped and wearing grey and black. The scene felt unsafe and I thought I would stop and just lend support to camera guy if the ranter got out of hand. He wasn't specifically ranting at the bearded dude so much as making very good points about the state of the world in a very disjointed and ragey way.   I was wondering when he'd simmer down when I remembered I'm a wizard.  So I started working on him. First I gave him my fatigue and a craving for coffee, thinking this might make him leave.  No, it wasn't quite working.  He seemed to stop accelerating but not slow, so I realized, hey, I'm exhausted, need energy, let's try to take his, h...
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met a dave

I met a dude named Dave today. He was picking cedar outside my bus.  Clearly from the reserve.  I dunno why this cedar stand but I suspect because of the sweet grass meadow at it's feet, or something told him to.   It's not like cedar is rare here. Well it's a sacred stand, even if it's just next to a power station.  I feel it. He was gathering for students who were being shown traditional ways.   Anyway, I saw him out there and instinct hit me that I should fire up my smudge and go meet him.  Just go. So I argued a little and gave in and met him. Now I feel all giddy. Not romantic giddy.  Magic giddy. Like a good day after church or an excellent magic circle giddy. That magic appetite fed. Weird eh?  We chatted only briefly but I know where he grew up and came from and he knows I'm an educated ally and not a wastrel. I guess that's it. I told him I could teach yarn spinning if anyone wants to learn. He said he had a fluffy dog, maybe I ...
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Pushover

Oh I hate my sister so hard.  So very hard.  She's never paid any attention to me, not for years at a time.  Nothing to say, no comments on my internet.  just a total non-entity in my llife.  Her interactions picked up briefly after 2019 when she started posting on facebook taking the trip to New Brunswick right after my failed attempt to get there, in her newly purchased RV, a sudden impulsive decision.  then she vanished into the aether again. Till mom died and she told me there wasn't any money, boo hoo, bye.  I didn't believe her. Well, if probate court also didn't, then when she popped up making a random comment on my tik tok, well, that's about when something active might have come down, so is she checking my tik tok to see if  I post about it? (I wouldn't, LOL)  Then gone again.  Till now, again, popping up with a single comment on a video. the woman is not active online.  She plays candy crush. She watches soap operas. She m...
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relationships

Dan still lives in the van right behind me.  The relationship has transitioned.  I call us friends for simplicity but it's not that simple because I still don't like him.  I still feel unresolved anger. I still feel unsafe with him.  He still hands over money.  But see, it's so fucked. I feel empathy for him. he works his ass off for ungrateful stingy people who massively underpay him, then he gives it to me.  No, not all of it.  Half  the cash and free sharing of the rest if I ask.  He buys all our fuel. He now is the dog's primary owner.  But he also is the very demon who fucked me over.  So mixed feelings indeed.  Some sense of responsibility towards him too.  It's not something I can talk about with anyone. Can't let on he gives me cash or it will fuxor my welfare, which little as it is, is yet a vital resources. Can't sit and explain why he deserves to be "used" like this to anyone either.  you, dear reader, shou...
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