The next 50 years

I ought to mention the health crisis I had last weekend.  There was so much going on with the mechanic being here, and a nearby RV exploding, and the police photographing then ticketing everyone, that I literally almost died of shock and exhaustion. My blood pressure reached an ungodly  number at the top of the red zone scale. My head went into explosion mode and tested the walls of every blood vessel in it.  Painfully.  I threw up from it, repeatedly, then crashed out in exhaustion. The mechanic noticed and kept watch and helped me dump my toilet when I was able to get up and talk again. I took immediate action and have restored a healthy number. Last night a dude across the way, 3 sheets to the wind and cracking another vodka soda thing, fell into the spikey bushes during a mantrum at his longsuffering mother.  Screamed like a banshee till I got him out of there. Insisted his leg was broken till he stood on it and I guess it was just a nasty bruise and a man b...

 I got a new idea in my head and added to the daydream.. I worry I might be going too far, though, because it includes someone without their knowlege much less permission, in the fantasy. Lemme sketch it out. The house I have my eye on now is a 2 bdrm 3 storey deal with extra toilet room, boat house on the main floor, and rooftop deck. It'scheaper and bigger and way more suited to me in a lot of ways.   Anyway there's is also this woman nearby living with an abuser. I am dead certain she is generally a caring a person, more like me than not, and would leave him if there was anything better.   So, ask her to help me move. Invite her to rent the spare bedroom on the last day, just go get her stuff and done. I think she would be less grief than a B&B and if I have to rent to someone, she's quiet and gentle. I don't know a ton about her but she seems like a person who just needs some intellectual and organizational support at most, maybe only housing like me. ...

So I have gotten to know my neighbors better in spite of myself. I can't say I want to get involved but true to form i let myself get sucked in.  Well it's part of how I justify my existence, by caring.  So, ahead of me is a nasty man with one dog, one woman, and one parrot, and the animals are female, and he rages over their heads on the daily for stupid reasons.  The woman is sweet.  the parrot can be rehomed. The dog is gentle.  the house I'm daydreaming has 4 levels and 2 bedrooms and I would love an in-house young fit person who could help out with the hard work. I could get her paid for it too potentially as an official caregiver, as well as roommate, so she could earn a little as well as us both having half the cheap monthly cost. She would get out, I wouldn't be reliant on Dan's help and I think she's peaceable enough and so am I. We both want quietitude mostly. I could teach her skills too.  So that's my current daydream.  If the house comes t...

Oh so tired I am. I've been past exhaustion to actual dysfunction for weeks now and still trying to use adrenalin to push past it because life is making demands beyond my capacity.  Now I'm having heart attacks. And the fear of what I clearly see happening is NOT helping me reduce tension.  Yesterday I was beginning to feel the breeze of sanity on my brow when the mechanic didn't show up and then at bedtime an RV very nearby exploded and burned to the frame. Sirens, conversations with neighbors, loud booms, worry, knowing I cannot move this fucking thing, it's all terrifying. And exhausting. So then the mechanic shows up, and also the woman crazy maker across the way keeps bringing stuff up about the bylaw and how we're all getting kicked out of here.   I've been having chest pains all weekend, and tonight, nausea, dizziness, brain fog, exhaustion. I do a little, I'm wiped out. Light headed too. I know goddamn well I need to go to the hospital but I haven...