The next 50 years

I met a dude named Dave today. He was picking cedar outside my bus.  Clearly from the reserve.  I dunno why this cedar stand but I suspect because of the sweet grass meadow at it's feet, or something told him to.   It's not like cedar is rare here. Well it's a sacred stand, even if it's just next to a power station.  I feel it. He was gathering for students who were being shown traditional ways.   Anyway, I saw him out there and instinct hit me that I should fire up my smudge and go meet him.  Just go. So I argued a little and gave in and met him. Now I feel all giddy. Not romantic giddy.  Magic giddy. Like a good day after church or an excellent magic circle giddy. That magic appetite fed. Weird eh?  We chatted only briefly but I know where he grew up and came from and he knows I'm an educated ally and not a wastrel. I guess that's it. I told him I could teach yarn spinning if anyone wants to learn. He said he had a fluffy dog, maybe I ...

Oh I hate my sister so hard.  So very hard.  She's never paid any attention to me, not for years at a time.  Nothing to say, no comments on my internet.  just a total non-entity in my llife.  Her interactions picked up briefly after 2019 when she started posting on facebook taking the trip to New Brunswick right after my failed attempt to get there, in her newly purchased RV, a sudden impulsive decision.  then she vanished into the aether again. Till mom died and she told me there wasn't any money, boo hoo, bye.  I didn't believe her. Well, if probate court also didn't, then when she popped up making a random comment on my tik tok, well, that's about when something active might have come down, so is she checking my tik tok to see if  I post about it? (I wouldn't, LOL)  Then gone again.  Till now, again, popping up with a single comment on a video. the woman is not active online.  She plays candy crush. She watches soap operas. She m...

Dan still lives in the van right behind me.  The relationship has transitioned.  I call us friends for simplicity but it's not that simple because I still don't like him.  I still feel unresolved anger. I still feel unsafe with him.  He still hands over money.  But see, it's so fucked. I feel empathy for him. he works his ass off for ungrateful stingy people who massively underpay him, then he gives it to me.  No, not all of it.  Half  the cash and free sharing of the rest if I ask.  He buys all our fuel. He now is the dog's primary owner.  But he also is the very demon who fucked me over.  So mixed feelings indeed.  Some sense of responsibility towards him too.  It's not something I can talk about with anyone. Can't let on he gives me cash or it will fuxor my welfare, which little as it is, is yet a vital resources. Can't sit and explain why he deserves to be "used" like this to anyone either.  you, dear reader, shou...