The next 50 years

I go to try and ask her to stop bringing me food.  I put it as "treats" and then "gustatory pleasures" and all she heard was "you're making me fat, you fat bitch."  So she starts interrupting me and defending herself that she's done nothing wrong and don't blame me and why would you say that. So I raise my voice to get a word in edgewise.  So she says I'm getting too worked up and drop it and let's just leave it.  Meantime I feel dismissed, disrespected, and unheard.  Now I truly AM angry and just want to flee.  Just go and never come back as long as I live. But see, I have a week yet on this project. I don't know how to navigate this. I can't say anything without it turning into some kind of psychotherapy about my problems.  She has this skill of twisting the conversation around to that topic no matter where it begins. I can't even see how we get there but within five minutes it's all about what's wrong with my head...

I'm all disabled by ranting out loud about my family's pecuniary attitudes. The latest was the utterance of a wife about her retired husband.  She stated that while she would indeed enjoy some fancy vacations, she was NOT taking her husband.  "I'll be damned if he's living the good life off my hard work!"  A quarter century together with kids and all and she's counting the balances. My spouse may be a holy terror for personality abuse but one thing I admire is he does not discuss or count cost.  I understand so much better why the emasculated retiree in this case is so frustratingly frugal.  He is quietly experiencing nut-crush over having retired young due to disability.  It's a tragic scene to witness.  It's infuriating too. Because in my family this is the very sort of accounting that took the place of the love there should have been.  Listen, if you're around me, what's mine is conditionally yours and you have a right to share it.  I do...

Oh dear, it's getting ugly in here.  I was trying to get off the "I hate that and I hate that and I hate everything" funk I was in and only my dog and my car made the "i love" cut.  I am just angry at everything anymore. Everything seems like too much.   For no reason, what's more. I mean, caused doubtless by excess tension.  I'm really struggling to manage my tension.  With my plans to drive around canada all summer on less than a thousand bucks and soon to be about $500 when all is said and done, it's very stressful. I'm worried about people judging me worthy of suffering for not making the decisions they think best, and leaving me hanging.  Then plus my tits. Oh GOD my tits!!!  They hang up on everything! They force my coat open and I can't zip up my jackets over them.  I don't know what the hell happened but they're bloody great flops of flesh with super sensitive little pebbles at the end which poke into everything and scream in ...