pecuniary attitudes
I'm all disabled by ranting out loud about my family's pecuniary attitudes. The latest was the utterance of a wife about her retired husband. She stated that while she would indeed enjoy some fancy vacations, she was NOT taking her husband. "I'll be damned if he's living the good life off my hard work!" A quarter century together with kids and all and she's counting the balances. My spouse may be a holy terror for personality abuse but one thing I admire is he does not discuss or count cost. I understand so much better why the emasculated retiree in this case is so frustratingly frugal. He is quietly experiencing nut-crush over having retired young due to disability. It's a tragic scene to witness. It's infuriating too. Because in my family this is the very sort of accounting that took the place of the love there should have been. Listen, if you're around me, what's mine is conditionally yours and you have a right to share it. I do not eat in front of you but I split it. I do not sit in layers of clothing next to a freezing person but I doff some that they might don it. I hate monetizing my labour. I'd rather give it. But the world demands money, so I try. All my life I've been in that husband's condition, unworthy because if I really was trying I'd succeed and that means my failure is proof of my laziness. Plain and simple, no analysis or conditions involved. The sideline truth that I am a very hard working person, that's just a curious observation not used in the overal equation. Yet the woman in this has seen that this equation is BS and spoken with me about it. So she's not 100% behind herself in calculating the value of her spouse. Her heart isn't in it. She's mad. She's wanting something. She's definitely depressed. Her house is a money pit. A seriously hopeless one that's gradually sinking in the swamp! I think it would cost a quarter million to restore it and anyone with that to spend will level it and build a new house properly. If it was I, and I could finance or leverage that money and do some sweat equity, I'd park a tinyhouse on stilts with a quaint boardwalk over the swampy bits out back. Then I'd level this house, salvaging the sweet bits, and build a new one from the foundation up. right on the same foot print, as little site damage as possible, and take the time because I'd have the tiny house and a couple of containers on the property for me and my stuff. I should try and suggest this. The pool cabana could be replaced with another tiny house in a trice, allowing the socializing to continue. Once the main house was done the tiny house could serve as an airbnb or other rental. It's a lovely place for a honeymoon!
Well anyway, as I say, this absurd notion that our value needs to be economically calculated. That if one person brings money into the relationship, they should see the value of it in the other person. See, when you marry, you bring your bounty. The fruits of your labour. Freely given. This isn't just for your smiles or the space in your home or those spectatular gifts you present. This is also for every other fruit of your labour. Yes you may keep some to yourself to ensure yourself and reward yourself. That's a good healthy thing to do. But then to say something like that about your mate? OMG that's disease. The disease of capitalism on the brain. I see myself being judged for buying the expensive meat when I'm not rich. I see them bite back comments about my decisions frequently, and my history knows the comments bitten back. I suppose one must recognize the progress of not speaking them. Because of course I fight back these days. I still see it being done to the weaker members of our family though. I know it's being spoken in my absence and have overheard a little of it too. I chose to interrupt with my presence because I don't want to hear it, or know it's bieng said, or allow it to go on if I can interrupt it. It's nasty. It's judgement. It's wrong.
That husband gives value. Use value. If she doesn't mind herself she'll have to learn how to do things he does routinely and she'll discover how much energy he really is putting in. He'll spend more and more time away and let the place go to to hell. I think this is why she marshalled family for a gardening day, because he usually does it. She still wasn't doing much actual gardening. Lots of sitting inside resting with her gardening game and vape. Bit of a perception disconnect, but I know the physical pain she's in. the mental pain she has to face too. For a woman who considers herself emotionally level, admitting depression, anxiety, and anger, all at once, is gonna be terrifying. But it is killing her all the same.
I don't have any power here. I might think of the right story to tell at some point but any other way of teaching is barred. I am not considered a teacher by these people. I am the perpetual student who won't listen and you can't tell her anything and she's always piping up interrupting her wise elders. I just need to get through this short time period and get moving again. If I time myself right I can be packed into my trailer just a few days after the car is fixed, and have the job done and some income to help me on my way.
Well my parrot says focus on weaving magic into the paint job and hope it helps. I do know she's got the right answer in her heart. and that it's her, not him, needs to smarten up.
Well anyway, as I say, this absurd notion that our value needs to be economically calculated. That if one person brings money into the relationship, they should see the value of it in the other person. See, when you marry, you bring your bounty. The fruits of your labour. Freely given. This isn't just for your smiles or the space in your home or those spectatular gifts you present. This is also for every other fruit of your labour. Yes you may keep some to yourself to ensure yourself and reward yourself. That's a good healthy thing to do. But then to say something like that about your mate? OMG that's disease. The disease of capitalism on the brain. I see myself being judged for buying the expensive meat when I'm not rich. I see them bite back comments about my decisions frequently, and my history knows the comments bitten back. I suppose one must recognize the progress of not speaking them. Because of course I fight back these days. I still see it being done to the weaker members of our family though. I know it's being spoken in my absence and have overheard a little of it too. I chose to interrupt with my presence because I don't want to hear it, or know it's bieng said, or allow it to go on if I can interrupt it. It's nasty. It's judgement. It's wrong.
That husband gives value. Use value. If she doesn't mind herself she'll have to learn how to do things he does routinely and she'll discover how much energy he really is putting in. He'll spend more and more time away and let the place go to to hell. I think this is why she marshalled family for a gardening day, because he usually does it. She still wasn't doing much actual gardening. Lots of sitting inside resting with her gardening game and vape. Bit of a perception disconnect, but I know the physical pain she's in. the mental pain she has to face too. For a woman who considers herself emotionally level, admitting depression, anxiety, and anger, all at once, is gonna be terrifying. But it is killing her all the same.
I don't have any power here. I might think of the right story to tell at some point but any other way of teaching is barred. I am not considered a teacher by these people. I am the perpetual student who won't listen and you can't tell her anything and she's always piping up interrupting her wise elders. I just need to get through this short time period and get moving again. If I time myself right I can be packed into my trailer just a few days after the car is fixed, and have the job done and some income to help me on my way.
Well my parrot says focus on weaving magic into the paint job and hope it helps. I do know she's got the right answer in her heart. and that it's her, not him, needs to smarten up.