The next 50 years

So there's a group of people in the room.  Let's say they're a knitting group, because it's easy to picture.  One begins to tell about a recent moment and how she felt.  Another pipes up to to express sympathy, expressing how she thinks it would feel.  Suddenly, the first woman jumps up in a rage, declares that the very idea of feeling that way is heinous, and begins to insult the second woman's ancestry, intellect, feelings, and to curse her existence. The second woman just sits there bewildered or else gets up and rushes out in tears.  Eventually she does rush out in tears, and you never see her again. That is the face of autism. She tried to understand the other woman and express sympathy and show interest in her, and instead offended her beyond forgiveness.  The autistic woman will never know what she did wrong and even if you explain it, won't understand why.  The outcome for her will always simply rest on "they're crazy." It's not tha...

I've been sick for weeks.  My digestive system has been spasming and clenching and inflamed and I don't know why.  I've been working on it.  I added some rice, more water and vegetables in the ratio, and reduced the input after rechecking calorie needs.  That plus stool softeners and NSAID medication for 3 wks at a time with a week off to reset the body.  Finally it was down to a minor concern and I was relaxing from the stress of it.  today I was going to have a kind of spa day.  Do all the laundry, colour my hair, and take a relaxing bath.  I was even feeling able to make phone calls and interact with people!  I'd been out interacting yesterday and it went well. so I have a toothache now.  The most frightening thing that ever happens to me is pain in my teeth and more so since I had to quit seeing my last dentist. Not sure if that's recorded.  So I'd been using the hospital dental clinic since my university days.  I felt ba...

So I'm thinking as usual about people who never became friends and wondering, of course, why.  Then remembering why I think I keep failing to make friends with non-abusive people.  Everyone I know is mentally disturbed, whether dx'd or just spewing hurt on everyone without compunction. I have never felt that it was because I was doing that.  I have a list of reasons in my mind why I think nice people give me a pass.  I will list them, as though I were going to print them on a tee shirt. "reasons why you won't like me: 1. I'm smarter than you (unless I can't keep up with you but that's rare.) 2. I think I'm smarter than you.  (it's irrelevant if I'm right or wrong, it's just too rude to think I'm smart if I'm not rich from it.) 3. I use drugs. 4. I am not ashamed of my current or past drug use. 5. I talk too loudly, joke too much, and wear too bright colours.  I'll embarass you (though I don't know why that's embarassing.)...