autistic experience
So there's a group of people in the room. Let's say they're a knitting group, because it's easy to picture. One begins to tell about a recent moment and how she felt. Another pipes up to to express sympathy, expressing how she thinks it would feel. Suddenly, the first woman jumps up in a rage, declares that the very idea of feeling that way is heinous, and begins to insult the second woman's ancestry, intellect, feelings, and to curse her existence.
The second woman just sits there bewildered or else gets up and rushes out in tears. Eventually she does rush out in tears, and you never see her again.
That is the face of autism.
She tried to understand the other woman and express sympathy and show interest in her, and instead offended her beyond forgiveness. The autistic woman will never know what she did wrong and even if you explain it, won't understand why. The outcome for her will always simply rest on "they're crazy."
It's not that we are thoughtless, or inconsiderate, or uncaring. We're trying to do as you demand! Really we are, but we're failing and the results are very traumatic.
At age 52 I'm not trying anymore. I accept that I am lonely and unlikely to fix it. I don't like it, just writing it makes me cry, but I believe it. I accept that people simply cannot be predicted. The fact that they somehow predict each other won't change that I cannot. I only know they won't forgive me.
Oh, the toothache is from unconsciously gritting my teeth. I'm relieved it's something I can work on fixing by myself.
The second woman just sits there bewildered or else gets up and rushes out in tears. Eventually she does rush out in tears, and you never see her again.
That is the face of autism.
She tried to understand the other woman and express sympathy and show interest in her, and instead offended her beyond forgiveness. The autistic woman will never know what she did wrong and even if you explain it, won't understand why. The outcome for her will always simply rest on "they're crazy."
It's not that we are thoughtless, or inconsiderate, or uncaring. We're trying to do as you demand! Really we are, but we're failing and the results are very traumatic.
At age 52 I'm not trying anymore. I accept that I am lonely and unlikely to fix it. I don't like it, just writing it makes me cry, but I believe it. I accept that people simply cannot be predicted. The fact that they somehow predict each other won't change that I cannot. I only know they won't forgive me.
Oh, the toothache is from unconsciously gritting my teeth. I'm relieved it's something I can work on fixing by myself.