The next 50 years

Yep, I'm now at that age where I'm having health issues and it's annoying. Very. I had to go to ER after 24 hours of vomiting.  Because of an "adhesion" point on my bowel I can get blocked by too much of the wrong stuff and not enough of the right. It'sa formula.  I'm not far off the thing so it's a tuning issue and discipline issue rather than an education issue.  but monday night to thursday night in a very crowded ward full of friendly talkative people mixed with utterly miserable people have left me emotionally paid out. But now I can't stop running at the mouth. I want to tell about so much and I want to think aloud.  Most of the time with people I've been thinking super hard trying to remember to throw the conversation back at them and to hear what they're talking about and make the right faces at them. I haven't a clue what body language I'm using, that's past my line of ability, LOL  I know I use it, but not how or what ...

I ran across  this article  on facebook.  It's left me asking, what is a breakdown? What is psychosis?  Because when people try to describe a "breakdown" it sounds like they entered my mental reality for a short time and got terrified.  But of what?  What's the headspace of the average human that mine is hell to them? What's so hell about it anyway? What am I missing? Am I just a shaman unrecognized?  I know I've done a lot of the kinds of mental and physical trials that shamans go through. From the sleep deprivation to the fasting to the drugs and the labour and the cold and the adventures and privation. All of that. I wish I knew how to profit from this. I think I would be a fabulous teacher if only others would allow it. I think I could talk someone down from an existentialist crisis as well as anyone running.  I think I am enlightened but I also know that nobody out there would believe me. I think we have a very skewed myth about who and what ...