The next 50 years

I've done some math! Okay, quick sketch: 36% of adults cheat in sexual relationships how many bullies are there in the population?  These are people who actively seek to cause grief, knowing their actions are grievous. How many idiots are causing grief?  These are those folks good enough at self denial and thoughtless enough and self centered enough to do grievous acts without intending harm. So, let's assume they're that 36% of people who also think it's okay to deceive their most intimate partner.  That means that you can cut it in half to get the number of bullies in our population.  Less than 20% of humans actively seek to harm you. Of those 20%, there will be a large portion who lack the courage to act openly.  So of people in any group of strangers who will actively take harmful action, from petty theft to murder, is some very minor fraction of 20%. We are geared to watch for these people not because they are common, but because they are uncommon. ...

It happened today.  I woke up with my brain still asleep.  It's still not really awake. I guess the feeling is as though my brain were replaced with wool, or like the electrical contacts are dirty.  I have probably 40% capacity compared to normal and the thing that suffers most is my tolerance for an responsiveness to other humans.  I used to wake like this far more often in my youth.  It's probably something I ate yesterday.  Maybe in those tasty chicken smokies, some preservative or flavouring perhaps?  I never thought of myself as sensitive to things but in fact I am, I just toughed it through the bad days without realizing they were abnormal.  I thought it was mental illness, frankly, something I just had to learn better control.  But it's been a long while now since I felt this incredibly awful and I really realize it. The body aches more too. I used to go to work like this and that almost always lost me my job.  Not the first da...

I've now put in 3 saturdays on Broadway, the last two from my tailgate.  I set up nice with tables and a chair and umbrella.  I need a sign, people are too confused.  That's one of my pending chores this week.  Even so, the lovely thing I realized is that all the forced engagement is doing me good mentally.  I have to focus on short shallow friendliness, and think up nice things to say to people.  I'm getting politeness back from those who respond at all, and those who don't aren't miserable about it, just ignore me.  All in all, it's doing me a lot of good both for oxytocin generation, and for social reconditioning.  It's a lovely format where there's no attempt to create a relationship or dip below the surface, while still having a good conversation piece in the form of the artwork.  I seem to last pretty much two hours before I have to pack up and go home to pee.  I could pack up, go pee, unpack again, but the hell with that noise, it...

So much busy I really am letting this blog fall behind!  Today saw me doing the Housewife deluxe routine.  I cooked a stir fry on the bbq's pot burner, and used the same bbq to smoke/slow roast two turkey breasts.  Very tasty!  i also ran my linens through the laundry and aired all my pillows.  After hanging on the line next to flowering fruit trees my sheets smell heavenly! Last couple of days I played minecraft but I'm far too tired and sore tonight.  Summer sees me planting and watering, weeding and feeding, koi pond keeping, house repairs if I can't help it, and trying to get out and play once or twice before summer ends! So this weekend with all the pro-army stuff from the USA I wound up getting aggressive abuse from three americans for speaking up for peace.  It was unnerving and distressing and took me awhile to shake off.  I worry a bit that the instigators aren't done with me, but maybe they're not clever enough to bypass the block feat...

So Lucky went in for his dental work and xrays.  It cost half what we feared, so that's nice.  He survived, and that's very nice too.  What's more, he seems pretty lively for a guy who's been through so much.  I went down with a potato skin, he'd been just laying around cuddled up with his buddy.  He came running up and snatched it away and ran off to the far corner of the room with great gusto.  I guess he likes them?  So he has an appetite, has eaten food, and can summon up energy for food. This is good. Here's the bad.  His teeth were so badly compacted it's a faint hope that they'll heal if we keep the inflammation down for a few days and put the infection at bay.  If not, the only fix is euthanasia.  It's just too small and tight to work in there and he's too old and tired and we're too broke and spent.  So I'll try and love him this month and medicate him and see if he works another miracle. He's the miracle rabbit, so who k...

"They're crazy."  "They're just trying to tell everyone what to do (power tripping.)" "They're evil."  All of these answers to a problem are brick walls.  They don't contribute to the conversation.  My husband will argue the defeatist point if I don't accept it, as though the point of the chatter is to argue one's point, rather than to examine the issue brought up.  You ponder what made a driver lose control, or why a family is battling officials instead of moving, and he ascribes the motive to something like drinking, insanity, or power tripping.  If that's the motive, then the solution can only be removal of the squeaky wheel and dumping it.  As though the wheel has no value because it's the one making noise, and it's utter replaceable.  That's an american thing, isn't it?  "Why try and fix it since it's probably too poor quality and replacement is easy?" but you don't learn.  You don't s...

I'm imagining a conversation (as I do all too frequently) Well,the lack of one.  So in this scene I've managed to not talk for long enough to be noticed as not talking, one of the things I fear, and that spurs me to talk pretty much immediately.  See, I worry people will think I"m snubbing them if I talk.  But then I shouldn't talk, because of the following; I don't want to talk about other people, because it's not my place to do so.  I can't talk about myself because that's selfish and nobody's interested.  I can't talk about my interests because they're too complicated and deep for anyone I know to discuss with me.  So I shouldn't speak at all. But I want human company, so I'd like to be able to hang out without speaking.  Ideally I'd be able to speak in questions in such a way that I kept the other person talking, but I can't figure out which questions I'm allowed to ask and which I'm not.  I keep getting scolded...

Ooh, it's been that long since I used my blog!  I guess I haven't felt like I desperately need to whine or rage or work out issues.  I don't use this to communicate with someone, as much as to give myself an outlet for the mental shit that nobody wants to hear. So there's not been much lately, I've been calm, trying not to think outside of the current agenda on any given day. Lucky is ill and it's costing us the money I was going to spend on getting Timmy's teeth cleaned and most likely will eat into my new computer hopes too.  Part of me selfishly wants to just put the animal down and get on with my life, but I would miss him too much and so would Toby. Why the hell is the old one so healthy and the young one so sick?  Damn. I tried selling boxes on Saturday.  I sold one, and the nicest one I had of course.  The new owner is certainly worthy of it, but it's the hard part about selling things like this, the ones that make the whole collection look bet...