The next 50 years

If we are all extensions of a single Mother Mind, then we are all part of one and the same being.  I believe it is so. That the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts and we're all connected intimately at the energy level. it is a connection deeper than our awareness and affects us on a level we call "instinct." When one of us has an experience, by connection we all share it.  We may not have personal awareness but our Mother Mind, the whole that is greater than the sum of it's parts, recieves the experience directly.  From that, the whole organism down to the human awareness level experiences change. The change of each experience is subtle but over the course of history, of course, we've all changed to a more compassionate and caring earth, because we must. Our source is becoming more experience and understanding and from that, compassion and empathy must naturally flow. So let's compare myself and Paris Hilton.  Both of us had beauty in our youth,...

new keyboard... I was showing Dan how cool these LED keyboards are and he asked how expensive. I said I didn't know but figured too much.  Turned out there were models on locally for only $99 and he said we should get one! Now I have this LED keyboard, Corsair k65 RGB with Cherry Mx switches and I'm loving it for more than the lights!  It's programmable if you're feeling very patient and clever and your memory is strong.  Or for the rest of us, there's a few groovy profiles already made you can get online.  I've got the canada flag waving across the keys right now!  Okay, it's decidedly blocky, but recognizable!  There's bursts and ripples of colours of any part or stretch of the spectrum you wish.  Draw a face, a simple 8bit game graphic, all kinds of fun!  A lot of the profiles react to typing so as you type the lights react.  It's been cheering me up pretty good when I can sit upright at the table. I was for awhile today but then had an...

My butt makes crescent shaped prints when I blot.  Blood continues to flow like a stab wound when I strain. It hurts and causes extreme muscle cramping.  It's disabling, exhausting, and I'm dead certain it's not going to go away on it's own.  A professional needs to slice and dice that flesh and stitch it up proper and tidy.  I pray I get a professional....  Oh well, it's hard to screw this up and I'm good at self care.  Mostly I'm praying a: they knock me out and b: they do it in one day and send me home for the night.  Even if I'm kept overnight, though, that's not too horrible.  Dan could manage the house 24 hours and I'd just miss my dog.  I probably wouldn't lie awake all night, though, the drugs they'd used would knock me down.  Oh it's just no use picturing it that much, I get scared remembering how awful it all feels to be operated on. So I told Dan to plan a day soon to take me into the ER in the morning, and that he'd h...

Boy I tell ya, if you can't poop for long enough, it really gets ya. I'm so tired.  Doctor appt yesterday for prescription renewal and she informed me that if I must, I could go into ER and they'd get a GE on call to come deal with my tight ass.  Dan took me.  We picked up some drugstore enema stuff. I was looking for those bags with hoses but all I found was a squeeze bulb and one-use squeeze bottles of prepared stuff.  So I grabbed some of those, the ones made for medical use that didn't caution against using it in my condition.  Well it was a very painful and discouraging time last night but today the damn is breaking.  It's still painful but hopeful instead of discouraging.  I feel nauseous half the time.  I'll just focus on sending fiber down and keep praying I guess. I was going to quit eating for awhile, the pressure yesterday was too intense.  I will keep it down to very little food till it's feeling better but I can at least send mor...

Yep, it's time to remember to change how I write the year.  Whoopee. So I'm still not well.  The parasites were probably a response to the original problem.  I'm quite sure it's simply impaction, not cancer, but I"m badly blocked up.  I've been taking hot baths and massaging, even through my vaginal walls (kinda freaky but it works) and hydrating it with water.  I can feel a mass in there, all hard and packed, and it's what's hurting the tissue when I strain and all. So lots of fiber, and I've begun using the treadmill to encourage motility, but mostly I'm just enduring pain and exhaustion.  Well, actually small amounts of the mass are exiting, so that's promising.  I'm so grossed out by it all, though.  Eat your veggies, don't just buy and prepare them then send them to the compost, actually eat them. Dan's been better since before christmas.  He listens when I tell him to calm down, not get ragey, etc.  It's enough, I do...