an untamed shrew
Hoo boy I can be quite the shrew, LOL. Dan leaves for work, but five minutes later as I'm closely watching something on live tv I hear his voice making noise. I make the word the intonation suggests might be right and he says "where?" Oh oops, he's asking a question, not just sharing his latest thought. No, this is more annoying, he wants me to get up immediately and immediately solve his minor effing problem of STILL not knowing where we keep the clean rags. It's been shown to him a half dozen times but he has to get me out of my chair. So I scolded him all the way down the stairs and back up as he followed me in his shoes to not remember where the rags are anyway.
Then he says "Thank you, my loving wife," with a chuckle and I start getting that old patriarchal program tape running "girls should keep sweet. Girls shouldn't scold. Shrew! Bitch!" Oh come on, he's being an ass. It's a rag to clean his effing glasses and he needs me to drop everything to get him a clean one????? Yeah, I'm a housewife, bud, not a handmaid.
He does this all the time, absolutely no thought taken of what state, condition, activity or focus I might be in because he only knows the existence of what his senses bring in. Why? I don't know but I do think he's mentally ignorant for real. He never learned to expand his awareness to imagine the state of another being's situation as a general state of being. I mean, if you sit him down and express an emotion to him "I'm sad/hurt" he'll develop the appropriate reactions that show he has empathy. But for him to notice you're feeling something without you being completely transparent about it is currently impossible. It's quite a burden, really, to have to articulate your feelings to get any attention on them. When one is sad one wants words least of all. The things one wants, however, he cannot offer. He doesn't do more than put an arm on my shoulder and maybe tap my head lightly with his hand. Exactly like Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory offers comfort, actually. Rather like you offer to a stranger who is keeping you from getting home with his extreme crisis. It doesn't do much for couple intimacy.
Well anyway, it's a goofy marriage and nothing like I'd expected for myself. I'm happier than I'd be out of it but there's most definitely things we need to heal for the long term. I'm hoping boat life can fix that too. I'm hoping the slower pace he's never known will sink in and slow him down just enough to focus himself. I'm hoping the closer quarters and more casual physical interaction will promote touching between us. We may not do it, but that's not because we don't need it. We use Timmy instead and that's nice for the dog, lots of cuddles, but we could and should do better.
Well, at least my mind no longer offers the option of giving up. It used to sometimes and I had to sit and reason out why to keep working on it. Now I don't anymore. I've seen enough progress and found enough peace to see it as a big project that can last a lifetime and has no blueprint. Kind of like keeping a garden.
I do refuse to be tamed, though. I won't tame him and I won't be tamed. My parrot won't be tamed! We all get to retain some way of pressing our demands and that is what it means to not be tamed. The right to speak one's wants into the communal conversation. Ohhh, I see a tweet in that!
Then he says "Thank you, my loving wife," with a chuckle and I start getting that old patriarchal program tape running "girls should keep sweet. Girls shouldn't scold. Shrew! Bitch!" Oh come on, he's being an ass. It's a rag to clean his effing glasses and he needs me to drop everything to get him a clean one????? Yeah, I'm a housewife, bud, not a handmaid.
He does this all the time, absolutely no thought taken of what state, condition, activity or focus I might be in because he only knows the existence of what his senses bring in. Why? I don't know but I do think he's mentally ignorant for real. He never learned to expand his awareness to imagine the state of another being's situation as a general state of being. I mean, if you sit him down and express an emotion to him "I'm sad/hurt" he'll develop the appropriate reactions that show he has empathy. But for him to notice you're feeling something without you being completely transparent about it is currently impossible. It's quite a burden, really, to have to articulate your feelings to get any attention on them. When one is sad one wants words least of all. The things one wants, however, he cannot offer. He doesn't do more than put an arm on my shoulder and maybe tap my head lightly with his hand. Exactly like Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory offers comfort, actually. Rather like you offer to a stranger who is keeping you from getting home with his extreme crisis. It doesn't do much for couple intimacy.
Well anyway, it's a goofy marriage and nothing like I'd expected for myself. I'm happier than I'd be out of it but there's most definitely things we need to heal for the long term. I'm hoping boat life can fix that too. I'm hoping the slower pace he's never known will sink in and slow him down just enough to focus himself. I'm hoping the closer quarters and more casual physical interaction will promote touching between us. We may not do it, but that's not because we don't need it. We use Timmy instead and that's nice for the dog, lots of cuddles, but we could and should do better.
Well, at least my mind no longer offers the option of giving up. It used to sometimes and I had to sit and reason out why to keep working on it. Now I don't anymore. I've seen enough progress and found enough peace to see it as a big project that can last a lifetime and has no blueprint. Kind of like keeping a garden.
I do refuse to be tamed, though. I won't tame him and I won't be tamed. My parrot won't be tamed! We all get to retain some way of pressing our demands and that is what it means to not be tamed. The right to speak one's wants into the communal conversation. Ohhh, I see a tweet in that!