is it an epiphany or resolution?

I was driving Tom to the ER to have a broken pinky toe taped up, that's all they do even after the Xray confirms broken bones... I started thinking about wanting to make people feel good.  You don't want to adopt them.  You don't want to become responsible.  You just want to make them feel good.  I understand that.  That's how Mark and maureen were approaching me, making me feel good.  It doesn't mean I'm some superstar or a family member, but that I matter enough to spend some time being nice and to reach out.  It's all I allow others to expect of me!  So what's got me so damn bent out of shape from Friday?
I still don't really know but if I had the courage to read over the last few blog posts, maybe it would come clear.  I think mostly it was just anxiety running over like a turbo diesel with a blown seal.  It just had a life of it's own and I was just too stressed and alone to stop it.  I had to be alone, though, because as horrible as it is to me, and you if you've read that crap, it would be equally miserable to listen to.  I don't know what it takes to arrest me rather than let the crazy run down.  when I discover something you may be sure I'll use it as often as I can remember it.  Anxiety addles the brain, after all. I did, in fact, do everything right though.  I ensured that I didn't break my routines, fail my responsibilities, or neglect my body.  Food, hygiene, hair care, not left undone.  Pet care, shopping, I kept on top of it all.  The down side, no elective project chores.  None urgent right now, but a little more cleaning wouldn't go amiss any time.
Ok, so to try and get to sleep I doused my brain in vodka, so g'nite.  (it's the wee hours)

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