recovery
Recovering from the accident, gradually. Dan knows I'm unwell, but I let him believe it's another chronic back ache issue. It's not that unusual for me to just wake up in the morning for no reason in far worse pain than this is causing. Bad posture, sitting too much, working too hard and pulling something, or just sleeping wrong can all create this problem. What's more, if I had to pick a bout of whiplash or one of my chronic back aches, I'd take the whiplash. it's mild by comparison! Now I really do know that I"m far far stronger than most others. I got up from a violent accident, started right away to get my bike off the road. The driver I hit helped me pick it up and after that I took care of myself by myself. Called the tow and paid it out my wallet and got myself home. That's how fucking tough I am and don't you forget it, world! I have a right to my tough girl style because I can out-tough any biker on the planet who is weak enough to give a shit about it.
So, funny enough, but an accident can be very empowering. When something super crappy hits you and you handle it with strength, you gain a lot of confidence.
I just wish I had a husband I could count on for support instead of knowing he'll make it worse.
How? Well, in the initial he'll feel obligated to give me a dressing down for the accident. Like he's raising a recalcitrant teenager. He'll do that for a few days, or a week or two depending on how much the damaged bike annoys him. Then he'll carry it on the ledger for the rest of our lives, using it as one more tick in the "incompetent" column.
the fact that I got home on my own, handled everything myself, and took care of myself, that's irrelevant. that level of competency does not outweigh the error for him. He only sees the negative, never sees a positive side and any attempt to point out a "silver lining" is immediately taken for argument!
Yeah, I'd say he's the biggest pain I'm suffering, LOL
So, a catalog now the bruises are coming up.
Whiplash, definitely, my neck and shoulders have a crick in them that's quite acute, complete with the temporary numbness in my hands. So I wrenched my neck. But like I say, this happens just from turning wrong or sleeping wrong sometimes and worse than I'm suffering now. Both ankles, the left oone is actually swollen, the other merely bruised. Same with both knees, left side swollen, right side bruising. My right wrist got a minor sprain. Bruise on my right hip. I think that's it. Mostly my legs and back slowing me down and I find it very hard to lift my hands above shoulder height. I often have to use one arm to support the other and lift because my shoulders aren't working right. However, this does work even if it causes pain, so that's okay.
But I can't climb my ladder with my dog in my arm. It took every ounce of strength I had to just climb to the loft last night and I crashed on the floor for ten minutes before I could wriggle into bed. Can't crawl on my knees into the bed (loft, low ceiling) and I couldn't us ankle-hip crawling either, so I literally had to wriggle like a worm! Damn. I had to get Dan to bring Timmy up and collect him in the morning because the effort of using a ladder was so extreme I didn't trust myself not to fall off if I had to use one hand to hold a dog
Today I'll take a hot bath with epsom salts as well as continue the NSAID pain pills and resting. I've got about 3 different types of NSAID so I can overlap doses without necessarily complicating them. Mostly, though, I'm just taking them to help keep the inflammation down. pain management is done pretty much exclusively with THC, although I'm running disturbingly low and no money for more. I am not pleased about that but at least when the money starts flowing again the stuff will have a much stronger effect on me. My tolerance is already going down from it.
I wish I could just call my dealer and ask for credit but I won't let myself try. I suspect he'd say yes but that's because he knows I'm the kind of person who doesn't do that, and, true to character, I won't. But I wish I could. Then I'd just go pick up some fresh herb, scrape out some fresh sweet hash from it (don't smoke it as herb, my lungs can't take all the carbon) and just get myself so knocked on the head that I don't care about the pain.
Oh well. It's only pain. It's only time. I made it home and as long as I always make it home I'll always recover. I'm like that guy in the movie who had a deathly fear of doctors. He was old and tough and seemed immortal till after one accident someone let a doctor get to him and he was dead soon after. Keep the doctors away from me!
So, funny enough, but an accident can be very empowering. When something super crappy hits you and you handle it with strength, you gain a lot of confidence.
I just wish I had a husband I could count on for support instead of knowing he'll make it worse.
How? Well, in the initial he'll feel obligated to give me a dressing down for the accident. Like he's raising a recalcitrant teenager. He'll do that for a few days, or a week or two depending on how much the damaged bike annoys him. Then he'll carry it on the ledger for the rest of our lives, using it as one more tick in the "incompetent" column.
the fact that I got home on my own, handled everything myself, and took care of myself, that's irrelevant. that level of competency does not outweigh the error for him. He only sees the negative, never sees a positive side and any attempt to point out a "silver lining" is immediately taken for argument!
Yeah, I'd say he's the biggest pain I'm suffering, LOL
So, a catalog now the bruises are coming up.
Whiplash, definitely, my neck and shoulders have a crick in them that's quite acute, complete with the temporary numbness in my hands. So I wrenched my neck. But like I say, this happens just from turning wrong or sleeping wrong sometimes and worse than I'm suffering now. Both ankles, the left oone is actually swollen, the other merely bruised. Same with both knees, left side swollen, right side bruising. My right wrist got a minor sprain. Bruise on my right hip. I think that's it. Mostly my legs and back slowing me down and I find it very hard to lift my hands above shoulder height. I often have to use one arm to support the other and lift because my shoulders aren't working right. However, this does work even if it causes pain, so that's okay.
But I can't climb my ladder with my dog in my arm. It took every ounce of strength I had to just climb to the loft last night and I crashed on the floor for ten minutes before I could wriggle into bed. Can't crawl on my knees into the bed (loft, low ceiling) and I couldn't us ankle-hip crawling either, so I literally had to wriggle like a worm! Damn. I had to get Dan to bring Timmy up and collect him in the morning because the effort of using a ladder was so extreme I didn't trust myself not to fall off if I had to use one hand to hold a dog
Today I'll take a hot bath with epsom salts as well as continue the NSAID pain pills and resting. I've got about 3 different types of NSAID so I can overlap doses without necessarily complicating them. Mostly, though, I'm just taking them to help keep the inflammation down. pain management is done pretty much exclusively with THC, although I'm running disturbingly low and no money for more. I am not pleased about that but at least when the money starts flowing again the stuff will have a much stronger effect on me. My tolerance is already going down from it.
I wish I could just call my dealer and ask for credit but I won't let myself try. I suspect he'd say yes but that's because he knows I'm the kind of person who doesn't do that, and, true to character, I won't. But I wish I could. Then I'd just go pick up some fresh herb, scrape out some fresh sweet hash from it (don't smoke it as herb, my lungs can't take all the carbon) and just get myself so knocked on the head that I don't care about the pain.
Oh well. It's only pain. It's only time. I made it home and as long as I always make it home I'll always recover. I'm like that guy in the movie who had a deathly fear of doctors. He was old and tough and seemed immortal till after one accident someone let a doctor get to him and he was dead soon after. Keep the doctors away from me!