washing up
I was just washing up with a wash cloth and waiting for the water to warm up when memory flooded back. Dim dirty laundry room at the deep dirty laundry sink. We didn't even try to clean in there, in fact. I know, because cleaning was my job and I'd have been the one cleaning. In 12 years there, I never once cleaned the area. The floors and walls were rough painted concrete in that area. The rest of the basement was finished, but not the laundry and furnace rooms. In the laundry room we had the sink, an old fridge, bushels of apples from the farm down the road, and whatever storage, like dad's extra cases of beer. Under the stairs was a link to the furnace room with the oil tank, furnace, and washer and dryer. We folded in here. Both rooms had doors to the hallway, the one on the laundry room was half clear window. The laundry room wasn't really used for laundry. Washing large items and kids. So in this dark cold room I'd stand barefoot on the concrete with a wash cloth. I wasn't allowed to run hot water, so I wiped cold water on my face, my chest, and armpits, then, shudder, down the pants to clean my crotch with that same frigid cloth. I always did it last, imagining the 24 hours before the cloth touched my face again would be enough to ensure the "cooties" were gone. Thing is, if I didn't rinse the soap out properly my inspecting mother would stick it in my nose and scold me. Soap makes fabric stink, so if you're going to use the same wash cloth all week, you need to clean it completely.
Eventually I and my sister moved upstairs and got to use a real washroom with a solid door instead of one with a window in it, and flooring and counters and nice light. We hit puberty and agreed to share our wash cloths so we could separate the one for our bottoms from the one for our tops.
Showers happened once a week. We were required to turn on the water long enough to get it warm and wet our hair. then turn it off, soap the whole body, shampoo the hair. Then turn on and rinse clean. Then squeegee the water off your body before you grab your only small towel to pat dry and wrap your hair.
At any time during this process you may be interrupted by either parent wanting to use the toilet. Any sign of shyness from behind the curtain and it may be pulled open. Once my mother actually handled me to force me to turn around and stand naked and open in front of her because I was feeling so shy and modest about my pubescent body. It was weakness. it was "ridiculous." Everything about me was, by their standards.
On my birthdays I got to have a bubble bath. I think I finally wheedled my way into having a bath almost monthly. I detested showers and adored bathing. I was pretty pleased when we got a pool and I could spend the whole summer in water and I did. Well, when I could. Weather permitting, of course, but also family permitting. If my older siblings had friends over I might not be welcome.
So today my friend Tom is coming by. I've had nothing but water today because even though I went biking and walking up to broadway yesterday afternoon, my weight has gone back up to 155 instead of down. I also started taking my eltroxin for my thyroid again. I figure if my body is putting on weight at a 500 c/day diet then I still need the shit. what I don't get, is why I had enough energy, and expended it all, to ride to the bridge, walk up it and a total of 1mile walking, then bike all the way home, and still gain? What? Weird. It defies physics. I'm too close to getting my figure back to let it stop here!
yesterday I took the bike up to broadway and bought some cocoa butter for chocolate. I'm beginning to miss eating. I want to taste chocolate again and sink my teeth into a mess of fried eggs. I'm going to have a fried egg anyway.
yeah, I think the fast is dead. I just don't want to anymore. I'll have to try and do it again in month or two.
Eventually I and my sister moved upstairs and got to use a real washroom with a solid door instead of one with a window in it, and flooring and counters and nice light. We hit puberty and agreed to share our wash cloths so we could separate the one for our bottoms from the one for our tops.
Showers happened once a week. We were required to turn on the water long enough to get it warm and wet our hair. then turn it off, soap the whole body, shampoo the hair. Then turn on and rinse clean. Then squeegee the water off your body before you grab your only small towel to pat dry and wrap your hair.
At any time during this process you may be interrupted by either parent wanting to use the toilet. Any sign of shyness from behind the curtain and it may be pulled open. Once my mother actually handled me to force me to turn around and stand naked and open in front of her because I was feeling so shy and modest about my pubescent body. It was weakness. it was "ridiculous." Everything about me was, by their standards.
On my birthdays I got to have a bubble bath. I think I finally wheedled my way into having a bath almost monthly. I detested showers and adored bathing. I was pretty pleased when we got a pool and I could spend the whole summer in water and I did. Well, when I could. Weather permitting, of course, but also family permitting. If my older siblings had friends over I might not be welcome.
So today my friend Tom is coming by. I've had nothing but water today because even though I went biking and walking up to broadway yesterday afternoon, my weight has gone back up to 155 instead of down. I also started taking my eltroxin for my thyroid again. I figure if my body is putting on weight at a 500 c/day diet then I still need the shit. what I don't get, is why I had enough energy, and expended it all, to ride to the bridge, walk up it and a total of 1mile walking, then bike all the way home, and still gain? What? Weird. It defies physics. I'm too close to getting my figure back to let it stop here!
yesterday I took the bike up to broadway and bought some cocoa butter for chocolate. I'm beginning to miss eating. I want to taste chocolate again and sink my teeth into a mess of fried eggs. I'm going to have a fried egg anyway.
yeah, I think the fast is dead. I just don't want to anymore. I'll have to try and do it again in month or two.