feeing pointless
I used to think of my intellect as a resource. Something to be of use to others. As my primary gift, it was the thing I felt most inclined to share and for so long I've tried to share it, pretty much forcing it on the world. Now I am coming to realize nobody gives a shit about facts, data, understanding, or insight. They want their ego stroked, then go away. That's all anyone wants, money or ego stroking. I know, it's horribly cynical, and I hate that. But I just can't find evidence otherwise anymore! I'm resented for my efforts to be intelligent!
I used to think it was valuable but the incredible increase in general stupidity and ignorance around me indicates that it is not.
I really don't have anything to offer except as a silent grunt doing physical tasks a robot will eventually do. In return for this, I'm expected to patiently listen to incredibly stupid and wrong noise from other humans pretty much constantly. It is too much to ask. But I don't have a choice. I can't die and I can't live alone.
Sometimes I think I should just run away and go sit under an overhang of some kind and just quit eating or anything but I know I'd get cold and bored inside of ten minutes and start seeking heat and distraction. I get bored. I can't sit still for it. I get bored trying to socialize too. I want to socialize, but they're all so fucking boring and stupid. There is no insignt, no thinking, just surface rambling, gossip about other people's failings or phraseology parroted around from the ast great bible or political lecture they inputted.
It's really quite depressing being me.
So today I can clean a cage and a litter box, do more hand crafts, wash some dishes. My life is so pointless anymore. I used to think my pointless life was building up for something eventually but eventually is here. If not by now, then why in ten or fifteen years? I'll only get weaker and less capable as I age. What a pointless fucking existence.
I used to think it was valuable but the incredible increase in general stupidity and ignorance around me indicates that it is not.
I really don't have anything to offer except as a silent grunt doing physical tasks a robot will eventually do. In return for this, I'm expected to patiently listen to incredibly stupid and wrong noise from other humans pretty much constantly. It is too much to ask. But I don't have a choice. I can't die and I can't live alone.
Sometimes I think I should just run away and go sit under an overhang of some kind and just quit eating or anything but I know I'd get cold and bored inside of ten minutes and start seeking heat and distraction. I get bored. I can't sit still for it. I get bored trying to socialize too. I want to socialize, but they're all so fucking boring and stupid. There is no insignt, no thinking, just surface rambling, gossip about other people's failings or phraseology parroted around from the ast great bible or political lecture they inputted.
It's really quite depressing being me.
So today I can clean a cage and a litter box, do more hand crafts, wash some dishes. My life is so pointless anymore. I used to think my pointless life was building up for something eventually but eventually is here. If not by now, then why in ten or fifteen years? I'll only get weaker and less capable as I age. What a pointless fucking existence.