honesty hurts

So I proved myself right about Dan when I told him about the accident.  He went exactly how I expected.  Not telling him probably would have been less tension for a very long time.  He's threatening to leave me now, accusing me of falseness on top of all the incompetence he's always seen in me.  He hyperfocuses on the mistakes and ignores the successes so naturaly everyone in the world is incompetent.  Because of this, their words aren't important.  You truly can't tell him anything.  Even if he gives in today, by tomorrow the force of habit has returned him to his previous opinion and attitude.  It's heart breaking and I don't want to give up, but I'm feeling helpless and hopeless and utterly alone.  I can't stop shaking now.  He was so mean and loud.  He'd have been this way the night of too, you know, and refused to lift a finger to help me as punishment.  He's trying to give me rules about what I can and cannot do based on his biased and skewed point of view.
He's just setting up more occasions to fight with me.  This isn't a marriage, it's a boxing match.  I hate fighting.  I get slung into it because I have this insane idea that impassioned words can touch a heart.  Never met such a closed heart before.  I don't know what is the key.  I thought maybe there was one.  But now I know it's a constantly changing combination and if I guess it, he'll reprogram soon after.  I'm not allowed in there.  He's not respectful in mine either, because he thinks an open heart proves weakness?  I dunno.  But I'm miserable and still trying to figure out how to solve it.