crisis delayed

Last night I finally told Dan I'd quit drinking water and he tried to force me to drink some.  So I walked out into the cold night.  Sat at a picnic table in the park for awhile wishing I could lay down, slowly getting cold.  I saw Dan across the street checking my car and realized I could get in there to sleep so I was angling my way to the shelter when he came back out to continue looking for me.  I ran away at first but I can't outrun Dan on a good day let alone as weak as I am these days.  So I complained about how he's telling me what to do again, never tries persuasion, always force.  He started persuading instead.  Back inside on the couch as he finally focused on me with an open ear (that's too rare) I started telling him things like I've typed in this blog.  I was angry toned and didn't pull any punches but unlike Dan, the things I say hurt because they're hurtful truths, not because I'm trying to figure out how to overpower him and shut him down with whatever I can think of, make up, or embellish.  Yes, that's part of his fight strategy, to emotionally wound his opponent.  See, I need to stop being an opponent.  Well he listened and gave me kisses and caresses and held my hand.  After crying for awhile because it's been so long since anyone touched me in a kind way, I finally broke down and agreed to drink water.  I mean, my thirst was pretty irritating anyway.  Constantly bombing into my mind.  The hunger rarely speaks up and does so fairly lazily, so not eating is a lot easier than not drinking!  Makes sense, though, fasting is a natural human event, happens even in the modern times for a huge variety of reasons from deliberately fasting for health options to simply running out of resources before income arrives again.
I'm still feeling pretty weak though.  I did also intake a coconut water which I'll do periodically now.  the sugars and electrolytes will help me cope.
I told him, until I see actual change, not just more of the same old empty promises, I'm not eating.  I said it's the only power I have and I'm not giving it up.
I mean, he talks a good talk, but he doesn't do the walk, so complacency is definitely an issue.  As for me, I still won't be "living" much because being starved is hard on the energy reserves.  If he wants me back in the shape I was in, he'll have to shape up.
I dunno, every time we reach a point like this I quit the fight because the apparent victory is a convenient excuse to give up.  I hate these fights.  A younger woman would just get another man to be her comfort and ignore him.  Other women did.  It would probably be less grief, but I dunno.  I'm tired now.  Been up an hour and it's exhausting and I have to get the birds up now.