in hospital with blocked bowels

I do not have a decent keyboard so you likely get the treat of a short entry. 
I went by ambulance to hoapital monday night after 3 days of intense bpwel cramps. 
The cramps quit but the problem remains. 
People have been knid, but I am npt actually covered for this due to a data entry error. If I can get my ID and paperwork in to the right people they can fix it but the doctor, whom I have not met, refused a day pass. 
I wonder if she is a karen mad at me for taking out the nose tube on wednesday. It was destroying me.
This hospital stay is wearing mighty thin. All they have tonfeed me is sugar water and salt water with fake flavourings added. I tried eating some and got all my nasty symptoms back. The sinus drip and sneezing, the depression. So back to eating actually nothing instead of virtually nothing while the IV drips fucking dextrous into me. Great, sugar. At least the iv isnt dyed and flavoured with petrochemicals. 
I am feeling like fleeing. I will wait till lunch tomorrow before making any decisions. They gave me some urinal cleaner in a cup (medicine, yes)
 Says it will show on xray where the block is.  The fucking pshrinks who stopped me going home this afternoon stood me up after all. Ok, so 21st century pshrinks are still disrespectful to their patients. Noted. 
I promised the dogs to be there till spring. Well its winter and where am I? Five days now. If I do leave here its my final decision to give up entirely. Refuse any further aid or sustenance and just wait it out.
So its not an easy decision to be made just because of how I am feeling. It would likeky be irrevocable. 
I just dont know right now what I want.
Imagine you are a kid in a candybstore and your caregiver asks what you want and waves a hand at the store. So you go and point to something. "Oh, except that one. There may some you can't have. Choose another." This continues till you get to the hard toffee section or the mints or limes or fake strawberries. Essentially, you are being shown a world of delights but restricted to choosing the least worst of the worst. 
How would it feel? Cheated. Defeated. Distrusting. Aw, that caregiver seemed real nice going in but now? 
I am feeling a lot like that towards my place in the world. Like I have been allowed into the garden of delights only to shovel up the shit, vomit and blood.
So, I dunno. Feels like a tipping point right now. Like it hangs on a razors edge of something I cannot perceive.
Pretty sunset, if you ignore the broken blinds. This room has a view of the whole inlet.

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