software frustration
So I have a month to use sketchup, then I don't know if it evaporates, locks, reduces features, or what. So I'm trying to get the model of a tiny house built before then. I had asked Dan but he's so busy arguing about every detail he'll never get a working model together for us to explore. he acts like every single data point needs to be known before you do anything, but how do we get data without doing anything? I need to know how much space I have to allot for things and how much room is left.
So I started, got about as far as having a building shell with two lofts and doors, noticed the doors were on the wrong side. When I tried to move them, I found I couldn't get them to set down where I wanted them. So I started using the measure tool in order to find the center and manually place them. That's when I noticed my model was not the right size at all!
So I opened a new file, started over. Couldn't get the fucking thing to take my inputted measurements for the first ten minutes. Finally got the floor drawn, trying to draw the walls and roof and can't get the protractor to do anything but appear here and there and change colours. It not only won't work on the axis I want, but won't even show angle numbers for me to guage the angle I'm using. What's the freakin' point? I finally just got sick and tired of being on the edge of a tantrum and closed the app. Why's it gotta be so goddamn hard to get anything done?
My car went in for a new block heater but didn't get one. Mercedes discontinued it. They're going to order another one and see if they can fit it on there, or else we have to see how to repair the existing equipment. What's more, the women interested in my boxes weren't. The shuttle driver was nowhere to be found and the service desk woman forgot. she really wants to call me and buy some, she says, but really? I mean, maybe I'll get a call but I won't count on it. I approached the other woman working there in sales and with merely a glance she says "I have no use for those" and then says exactly the same thing again when I didn't react fast enough to her refusal. I mean, it wasn't rude, but it wasn't exactly friendly either. She's always snobby so I wasn't that surprised but I was certainly put off. It's not like interrupting her standing and staring around the empty sales floor was interfering with work.
I really have grown to dislike people. I never would have thought that the phrase "I hate people" would be so ready on my tongue, but I'm so very sick of trying to see the good in people who just keep dismissing or abusing me everywhere I turn. I just don't want to care about them anymore. I don't feel cared about and I don't feel motivated to give a shit anymore. I hate to see that in myself, it feels sad and dark and I worry I'll get mean and miserable. But really, how do you keep looking for the good in people who won't see the good in you? I just don't want to even talk to them anymore. If I could, I'd just drop into a hole now and quit this crap, but there's no yawning black hole in which to jump. Never been a ladder up through the sky for me to climb either. No 4th dimension corner I can turn and stop living a human life either. I'm just fucking stuck in this obnoxious brain for a hundred years and nobody gives a fuck how I feel about it except in so far as I should be deliriously thrilled and thankful about it. Over there somewhere else. Not right here where we are, but over there, way over there, somewhere, that open empty spot nobody's in, you can go be there, mmmkay? Oh no, no wait, we've got a use for that spot, so you need to move again, over there, way out by the edge of the field, you see that spot? Yeah, we won't need that spot for awhile, you go over there and look like you're happy. there ya go, Yolanda is out standing out in a solo spot well out of hearing with a huge fake smile plastered on her face, that'll do then. I wish it was that simple.
Damn I feel so low today, so very low. I'm just so shocked that nobody likes my art. I thought I finally found something that was practical and pretty and pretty enough that others would see it. I should have been scribbling awkward unsailable tall ships on napkins for 20 yrs I guess. It worked for Dan Hicks. He's got a whole news story on him and his personal history has really flowered! I guess at some point in the 30 years I've known him the things he claims might have happened, but I don't think so, and I know him from WAY back. He's a yarn spinner, a story teller, a "make reality with your words" kind of guy and he's never held a job. He was just another beggar till he started scribbling that ship and handing it to people. I had one of his first and threw it out because I didn't care for the scribbling. Then people started giving him money for placemats with the ships on them, I got one too, since now he had cult following and anyway I was being nice. Then he started buying proper paper and charging a fee per drawing and just standing out selling them. it was as easy as begging with a little more pride. Hey, it works for him. I suppose if I went out every day and froze my ass off on the street, chit chatting over my boxes, maybe they'd sell. But he can scribble up a$30 ship in a half hour while I'm spending 3 days to make one box and people don't think they're worth as much as a jiffy marker drawing on paper!
Yeah, I'm feeling angry and hurt and alone and hopeless. I know it's because I'm a miserable person and I'm getting more miserable because of it. They hate me, right? I mean, I don't know how to make them feel important, or something, so it wouldn't matter if I shit faberge eggs, they'd still not be interested. I just have to go find something to watch on tv that'll take my mind off everything. I can't fix it, or stop it, so I have to learn to ignore it. Today, though, if God reached down a finger and offered a ride out of here I'd be gone without hesitation.
So I started, got about as far as having a building shell with two lofts and doors, noticed the doors were on the wrong side. When I tried to move them, I found I couldn't get them to set down where I wanted them. So I started using the measure tool in order to find the center and manually place them. That's when I noticed my model was not the right size at all!
So I opened a new file, started over. Couldn't get the fucking thing to take my inputted measurements for the first ten minutes. Finally got the floor drawn, trying to draw the walls and roof and can't get the protractor to do anything but appear here and there and change colours. It not only won't work on the axis I want, but won't even show angle numbers for me to guage the angle I'm using. What's the freakin' point? I finally just got sick and tired of being on the edge of a tantrum and closed the app. Why's it gotta be so goddamn hard to get anything done?
My car went in for a new block heater but didn't get one. Mercedes discontinued it. They're going to order another one and see if they can fit it on there, or else we have to see how to repair the existing equipment. What's more, the women interested in my boxes weren't. The shuttle driver was nowhere to be found and the service desk woman forgot. she really wants to call me and buy some, she says, but really? I mean, maybe I'll get a call but I won't count on it. I approached the other woman working there in sales and with merely a glance she says "I have no use for those" and then says exactly the same thing again when I didn't react fast enough to her refusal. I mean, it wasn't rude, but it wasn't exactly friendly either. She's always snobby so I wasn't that surprised but I was certainly put off. It's not like interrupting her standing and staring around the empty sales floor was interfering with work.
I really have grown to dislike people. I never would have thought that the phrase "I hate people" would be so ready on my tongue, but I'm so very sick of trying to see the good in people who just keep dismissing or abusing me everywhere I turn. I just don't want to care about them anymore. I don't feel cared about and I don't feel motivated to give a shit anymore. I hate to see that in myself, it feels sad and dark and I worry I'll get mean and miserable. But really, how do you keep looking for the good in people who won't see the good in you? I just don't want to even talk to them anymore. If I could, I'd just drop into a hole now and quit this crap, but there's no yawning black hole in which to jump. Never been a ladder up through the sky for me to climb either. No 4th dimension corner I can turn and stop living a human life either. I'm just fucking stuck in this obnoxious brain for a hundred years and nobody gives a fuck how I feel about it except in so far as I should be deliriously thrilled and thankful about it. Over there somewhere else. Not right here where we are, but over there, way over there, somewhere, that open empty spot nobody's in, you can go be there, mmmkay? Oh no, no wait, we've got a use for that spot, so you need to move again, over there, way out by the edge of the field, you see that spot? Yeah, we won't need that spot for awhile, you go over there and look like you're happy. there ya go, Yolanda is out standing out in a solo spot well out of hearing with a huge fake smile plastered on her face, that'll do then. I wish it was that simple.
Damn I feel so low today, so very low. I'm just so shocked that nobody likes my art. I thought I finally found something that was practical and pretty and pretty enough that others would see it. I should have been scribbling awkward unsailable tall ships on napkins for 20 yrs I guess. It worked for Dan Hicks. He's got a whole news story on him and his personal history has really flowered! I guess at some point in the 30 years I've known him the things he claims might have happened, but I don't think so, and I know him from WAY back. He's a yarn spinner, a story teller, a "make reality with your words" kind of guy and he's never held a job. He was just another beggar till he started scribbling that ship and handing it to people. I had one of his first and threw it out because I didn't care for the scribbling. Then people started giving him money for placemats with the ships on them, I got one too, since now he had cult following and anyway I was being nice. Then he started buying proper paper and charging a fee per drawing and just standing out selling them. it was as easy as begging with a little more pride. Hey, it works for him. I suppose if I went out every day and froze my ass off on the street, chit chatting over my boxes, maybe they'd sell. But he can scribble up a$30 ship in a half hour while I'm spending 3 days to make one box and people don't think they're worth as much as a jiffy marker drawing on paper!
Yeah, I'm feeling angry and hurt and alone and hopeless. I know it's because I'm a miserable person and I'm getting more miserable because of it. They hate me, right? I mean, I don't know how to make them feel important, or something, so it wouldn't matter if I shit faberge eggs, they'd still not be interested. I just have to go find something to watch on tv that'll take my mind off everything. I can't fix it, or stop it, so I have to learn to ignore it. Today, though, if God reached down a finger and offered a ride out of here I'd be gone without hesitation.