Sailing, virtually
Dan's excited now. He's on board with the idea. He finally gets it. You don't need a bank account. You just stop in and pick up work enough to buy whatever it is you've got your eyes on, and it's usually something pretty affordable. A lot of what you need is gotten by barter or you can make it yourself. Expensive things are more along the lines of needing fuel, repairs, or upgrades. Unless you have high expectations of sitting comfy getting entertainment down a digital pipe and flushing a toilet every hour, you can live on nothing. Really nothing. The extra work keeps you vital and healthy. The budget lifestyle ensures you don't waste nutrition on junkfood. There's not room for the damn stuff either. I see more and more why my father wanted this life but my mother just wouldn't go along. I think she wanted to continue her social aspirations too much. The yacht club was more interesting than the yacht which was mostly just her entry ticket to the club. Dad sailed, mom endured. She was sometimes happy and would smile and enjoyed the suntanning, but she usually had a nasty look on her face in the boat, really. Her lips tightly holding her opinions back, her eyes doing quite the opposite, and her personality at it's least favorable.
I'm a back pain sufferer too. I know it can get distracting enough to interfere with your ability to interact with others, especially while getting stuff done, but when it was like that, she made no effort to hide it, so most of the time it must have been the ordinary dull roar if it was constant at all. I don't turn into a queen bitch just because there's tightness in my back.
Well anyway, I can't say I really liked my mother. She was capable of being extremely generous and personable but that's true of any sociopath and she was equally capable of some nasty sly bullying which is also true of many sociopaths. so I could get along with her and at times even honestly feel affection but in the main I don't intend on letting her in my life anymore. She's just not worth it.
So yeah, I think she selfishly kept her husband from his passion even when it would have been practicable to follow him into it for a time and let him have his dream. She took him from the sea and kept him inland all the rest of his life. It was an expensive lifestyle too. I didn't like watching and being a housewife/home owner has been creating a part of me that's much too much like that also. I see myself behaving in ways that would please her, like worrying about impressing strangers with my jewellery or clothing. I mean, I know that it's a focus point for billions of women but I don't want it to be one for me. It's so irrelevant. I'm not even mate hunting anymore. But I do not prefer to be around people who'd use the phrase "let herself go."
Sailors and hippies are the only communities I"ve been in which don't. The very idea is absurd, that by not forcing the body into an unnatural, unhealthy, and often painful appearance to compete with other women and project a manufactured image, one is less of a human. Again, defined by visual presentation without regard to character, skills, or experience. Very very offensive.
Sailors don't even need to wear footwear at all, let alone be judged by the stuff. Have you seen what the women on TV have to wear these days? It's bloody insane! Worse yet, they actually think it looks pretty! No really, they use words like "lovely" and "gorgeous" on these goofy looking horse hoof shaped toe covers that torture the foot so bad even the hardiest can't handle more than an hour at a time. "My shoes are killing me" isn't really hyperbole. Wearing shoes that force you to walk tip toe all day, every day, does life harming damage to the body and we've only touched on what sorts of harms are there. We understand the skeletal and muscular damage, but not the organ damage that the stress of that pain and damage is causing. Anything that increases your stress level decreases your health.
Dan realized today that sailors are all laid back because the lifestyle is so laid back. LOL. It's what he needs, and has never known, the laid back lifestyle. I've known it. Never outside of excess want, but Dan can cover the wants with one hand tied behind his back, sitting on his butt. He's employable, LOL.
Put the floor down in a boat, pay for the month's groceries. 6 hrs work for Dan, three days for an amatuer.
All the fish came in yesterday and I checked this morning. I had to wait for the water to settle and any remaining fish to relax and swim out. Definitely weren't any left, so I'm refilling the pond this year. The plants do much better when I have the pond quite full all year. I just yank the pump and hoses out onto the side, let them get buried in snow. The filter gets cleaned and set in the garage dry. I could use it in the house if the house filter quits but we seem to have a working filter this year. I am enjoying seeing my fish again. I think I missed them.
Jean Marie showed up during the fishing. I heard him ringing a bike bell and then calling my name. I wasn't in a mood for Bill or Kelly, two mooches who used to do that, and another who once lived across the alley who also would call out to me over the fence for a visit. So I called out that it wasn't a good time to visit, as I stood in the water in my hip waders, deep in my back yard. I was catching fish! Then I heard the voice of a friend I used to know, from the 80s and 90s. He lives in town but we don't visit. So I welcomed him in and was eager to have some chit chat. No, in fact he just wants me to attend an event he's part of across the street. His art is being put on the building so I can stare at it instead of the white bricks. Okay. So he had time to delineate the details of why there are stars in this part of the painting and how the figure represents extra sports, blah blah, but not to hear any news of my life. But he promises to return. I think I know that's where it's at. At least someone in that community will know where I went, because I managed to tell him at least we were going to sell and move to the coast in 5yrs.
I think that's about all I really want out of going to the event, and to see what Melba Toest looks like after 20 years. She, and Stringbean, whom I've seen around town, will be there. She's been in Prince Albert having a quiet life for the last quarter century. None of them could be said to desire, seek out, or, ostensibly, enjoy my company, so I should just get it in my head that I'm going to hang back and just watch. I really think they'll spot me and say hi, and i"ll be glad of not looking sick anymore. But it's so hard, when I'm in the moment using my speech module, my brain gets so taxed keeping that going that I can't analyze a damn thing till later. Then I realize I was being patronized, tolerate, or outright bullied and couldn't see it at the time. I feel such embarassment then, and uncertainty. I wonder if I'm making it up or maybe it's actually worse. I don't know how to proceed because I don't trust the validity of my own observations either in the moment "we love you Yolanda, you're just so interesting! I really must come by some time." They say it, but later I realize it was polite little speech not intended to be taken seriously. It hurst my feelings, dammit, and I wind up angry.
I still don't manage to remember as they're talking, nor find that place between angry contempt and utter apathy where I can act like I care back without expecting anything further from the 2 minutes of verbal noise. If I remember in the moment that it's all false I get so disgusted I judge the person entirely for it. Even when I know they've got plenty of commendable qualities.
So I really want to lay eyes on Melba, and I'd like them to know that a: I'm well and b: I'm leaving for a good dream. Otherwise, I really must remember they don't like my company. Melba especially. She never turned me away but blew me off 100% of the time. She doesn't like me and isn't going to suddenly fall in love because she's down in saskatoon for the afternoon and she will not welcome my accompanying the group i'm sure.
You know I'll be stupid enough to invite them here for coffee even if i repeat it to myself fifty times "don't invite them over, they won't come and they don't need to refuse you." I guess this is how a guy feels when he has a crush on a nice girl who doesn't really like him. Maybe I just need to stay home and use my telescope to try and get a look at her. Who gives a fuck if they know anything about me anyway? I just want to know what that woman looks like these days.
Well, I loved her face. Not in a romantic way, but I just loved seeing her smile. So I'd like to see it again, but I don't want to show mine because it's not welcome.
God, I'm crying too much now, I have to put this crap away and let it percolate till friday. it's all too emotional and I really should just stay inside and hide on Friday.
Yah okay, I'm going to have to let go of it. It's not that important and they aren't my friends, never were, and that's my huge mistake. I dont' understand what place they had for me but mostly it seems to have been "over there somewhere else" and I'd be happier to just go out for the afternoon that day. Just eff off and not even be around. They'll be too busy for me 100% of the time and I won't enjoy the kids or the noise or the small talk with neighbors that will be forced on me. I could go to the movies that afternoon. then I don't have to figure out anything, sort out anything, think about it or review or face the past, etc. They don't like me! I know this! I just can't seem to accept that people I like would lie to me about it, but I know they do. So I think JM probably bugged me yesterday because his ego required that the person staring at his art year after year know it's his and he's being celebrated for it.
I typed an opinion on the art, tried to be diplomatic and expressive at once, decided it's not important. So go ahead and check out the park building at St. Andrews park in King George, Saskatoon. After this week you can see it all yourself. Eventually even streetview might update it. I'm busy studying on boat building. So there.
I'm a back pain sufferer too. I know it can get distracting enough to interfere with your ability to interact with others, especially while getting stuff done, but when it was like that, she made no effort to hide it, so most of the time it must have been the ordinary dull roar if it was constant at all. I don't turn into a queen bitch just because there's tightness in my back.
Well anyway, I can't say I really liked my mother. She was capable of being extremely generous and personable but that's true of any sociopath and she was equally capable of some nasty sly bullying which is also true of many sociopaths. so I could get along with her and at times even honestly feel affection but in the main I don't intend on letting her in my life anymore. She's just not worth it.
So yeah, I think she selfishly kept her husband from his passion even when it would have been practicable to follow him into it for a time and let him have his dream. She took him from the sea and kept him inland all the rest of his life. It was an expensive lifestyle too. I didn't like watching and being a housewife/home owner has been creating a part of me that's much too much like that also. I see myself behaving in ways that would please her, like worrying about impressing strangers with my jewellery or clothing. I mean, I know that it's a focus point for billions of women but I don't want it to be one for me. It's so irrelevant. I'm not even mate hunting anymore. But I do not prefer to be around people who'd use the phrase "let herself go."
Sailors and hippies are the only communities I"ve been in which don't. The very idea is absurd, that by not forcing the body into an unnatural, unhealthy, and often painful appearance to compete with other women and project a manufactured image, one is less of a human. Again, defined by visual presentation without regard to character, skills, or experience. Very very offensive.
Sailors don't even need to wear footwear at all, let alone be judged by the stuff. Have you seen what the women on TV have to wear these days? It's bloody insane! Worse yet, they actually think it looks pretty! No really, they use words like "lovely" and "gorgeous" on these goofy looking horse hoof shaped toe covers that torture the foot so bad even the hardiest can't handle more than an hour at a time. "My shoes are killing me" isn't really hyperbole. Wearing shoes that force you to walk tip toe all day, every day, does life harming damage to the body and we've only touched on what sorts of harms are there. We understand the skeletal and muscular damage, but not the organ damage that the stress of that pain and damage is causing. Anything that increases your stress level decreases your health.
Dan realized today that sailors are all laid back because the lifestyle is so laid back. LOL. It's what he needs, and has never known, the laid back lifestyle. I've known it. Never outside of excess want, but Dan can cover the wants with one hand tied behind his back, sitting on his butt. He's employable, LOL.
Put the floor down in a boat, pay for the month's groceries. 6 hrs work for Dan, three days for an amatuer.
All the fish came in yesterday and I checked this morning. I had to wait for the water to settle and any remaining fish to relax and swim out. Definitely weren't any left, so I'm refilling the pond this year. The plants do much better when I have the pond quite full all year. I just yank the pump and hoses out onto the side, let them get buried in snow. The filter gets cleaned and set in the garage dry. I could use it in the house if the house filter quits but we seem to have a working filter this year. I am enjoying seeing my fish again. I think I missed them.
Jean Marie showed up during the fishing. I heard him ringing a bike bell and then calling my name. I wasn't in a mood for Bill or Kelly, two mooches who used to do that, and another who once lived across the alley who also would call out to me over the fence for a visit. So I called out that it wasn't a good time to visit, as I stood in the water in my hip waders, deep in my back yard. I was catching fish! Then I heard the voice of a friend I used to know, from the 80s and 90s. He lives in town but we don't visit. So I welcomed him in and was eager to have some chit chat. No, in fact he just wants me to attend an event he's part of across the street. His art is being put on the building so I can stare at it instead of the white bricks. Okay. So he had time to delineate the details of why there are stars in this part of the painting and how the figure represents extra sports, blah blah, but not to hear any news of my life. But he promises to return. I think I know that's where it's at. At least someone in that community will know where I went, because I managed to tell him at least we were going to sell and move to the coast in 5yrs.
I think that's about all I really want out of going to the event, and to see what Melba Toest looks like after 20 years. She, and Stringbean, whom I've seen around town, will be there. She's been in Prince Albert having a quiet life for the last quarter century. None of them could be said to desire, seek out, or, ostensibly, enjoy my company, so I should just get it in my head that I'm going to hang back and just watch. I really think they'll spot me and say hi, and i"ll be glad of not looking sick anymore. But it's so hard, when I'm in the moment using my speech module, my brain gets so taxed keeping that going that I can't analyze a damn thing till later. Then I realize I was being patronized, tolerate, or outright bullied and couldn't see it at the time. I feel such embarassment then, and uncertainty. I wonder if I'm making it up or maybe it's actually worse. I don't know how to proceed because I don't trust the validity of my own observations either in the moment "we love you Yolanda, you're just so interesting! I really must come by some time." They say it, but later I realize it was polite little speech not intended to be taken seriously. It hurst my feelings, dammit, and I wind up angry.
I still don't manage to remember as they're talking, nor find that place between angry contempt and utter apathy where I can act like I care back without expecting anything further from the 2 minutes of verbal noise. If I remember in the moment that it's all false I get so disgusted I judge the person entirely for it. Even when I know they've got plenty of commendable qualities.
So I really want to lay eyes on Melba, and I'd like them to know that a: I'm well and b: I'm leaving for a good dream. Otherwise, I really must remember they don't like my company. Melba especially. She never turned me away but blew me off 100% of the time. She doesn't like me and isn't going to suddenly fall in love because she's down in saskatoon for the afternoon and she will not welcome my accompanying the group i'm sure.
You know I'll be stupid enough to invite them here for coffee even if i repeat it to myself fifty times "don't invite them over, they won't come and they don't need to refuse you." I guess this is how a guy feels when he has a crush on a nice girl who doesn't really like him. Maybe I just need to stay home and use my telescope to try and get a look at her. Who gives a fuck if they know anything about me anyway? I just want to know what that woman looks like these days.
Well, I loved her face. Not in a romantic way, but I just loved seeing her smile. So I'd like to see it again, but I don't want to show mine because it's not welcome.
God, I'm crying too much now, I have to put this crap away and let it percolate till friday. it's all too emotional and I really should just stay inside and hide on Friday.
Yah okay, I'm going to have to let go of it. It's not that important and they aren't my friends, never were, and that's my huge mistake. I dont' understand what place they had for me but mostly it seems to have been "over there somewhere else" and I'd be happier to just go out for the afternoon that day. Just eff off and not even be around. They'll be too busy for me 100% of the time and I won't enjoy the kids or the noise or the small talk with neighbors that will be forced on me. I could go to the movies that afternoon. then I don't have to figure out anything, sort out anything, think about it or review or face the past, etc. They don't like me! I know this! I just can't seem to accept that people I like would lie to me about it, but I know they do. So I think JM probably bugged me yesterday because his ego required that the person staring at his art year after year know it's his and he's being celebrated for it.
I typed an opinion on the art, tried to be diplomatic and expressive at once, decided it's not important. So go ahead and check out the park building at St. Andrews park in King George, Saskatoon. After this week you can see it all yourself. Eventually even streetview might update it. I'm busy studying on boat building. So there.