Etsy brings relief
I opened an Etsy store. Click here to go to my etsy store. That means I don't need several dozen boxes to start selling them and I don't need to wait a couple months either. I don't have to paint like a mad demon for weeks and hope there's a payoff. Rather, I put my first six boxes and some other things I've made (there will be more) for sale and if there's zero response I won't spend my effort on as many boxes as I'd have done using a local store format. What's more, I"m also not having to listen to someone tell me all about what's wrong with my boxes. I wasn't looking forward to that. At some point retailers always have to run down the product. Probably to run down the price. Or maybe my boxes are crap... I did some looking around at similar products before pricing but, again, no idea where my stuff fits in the scheme of things. If I had them at a store, sure, they'd be more likely to get impulse buys and there's not a lot locally like them. I still can, though, in November, if I haven't been getting sales online. We'll have to wait and see I guess.
So yesterday saw me on the bike downtown, dodging a cute little rain cloud with Timmy on the bike basket. We picked up my rings and Dan's wedding ring all fixed up and shiny. I had some resized, some repaired, etc. Dan's wedding ring had lost it's little diamond so we fixed that up with a new one and my pearl had gotten too worn so that's replaced. I only worked on two boxes all day and they're nowhere near finished. At first I was all "gee, why did I get nothing done at all this morning?" Then I remembered the four hours of work it took to list them and input all my data for the store. Oh yeah. And the two hours of getting good photos the day before and more that morning. Yeah, that's why I'm getting so much less done on the painting. Also, I'm slowing down. I'm burning out a bit.
I did find a whackload of lovely butterfly wings on my car, so that's cool. I put them all in the freezer till I can sort though the bug parts but I'm quite excited there might be enough to do a box with. That'd be so cool. I'll have to remove all the squishy bits, that's why it's in the freezer, to keep things stable.
So I did work on boxes last night, deferring a nightmare dish pile to today.
Today sees me having to: wash those dishes, work on the boxes, get to the store for essentials, and all before Tom comes over at lunch to pretty much wipe out my day. He comes by, we do a bit in the garden, and spend the whole day sitting on our expansive asses smoking hash, drinking coffee, and being utterly useless. It's fun enough but I feel bad about how the time is spent. It's useless time. Why can't people engage activity while visiting?
Well anyway, I've tried with Tom and it's like suggesting basketball pickup to a lump of clay. He kind of sags there like "oh alright, if you make enough effort I'll comply but I won't lift a finger myself." whether it's a craft pursuit, an outdoor activity, chores or a game, he just doesn't. Only thing I've had any luck with is making him prep veggies at his seat. Yeah, fun, LOL
Well enough griping, I am glad to have a friend. If only so I can say I have one, LOL, and he's a good human. Takes advantage of generosity but that's his only flaw in that respect. He's not abusive, doesn't put his own agenda first regardless, doesn't get violent or startling, isn't manipulative or dishonest, etc. I hope one day to find a friend who is just fun to play with. I haven't really played with people in years and it's a shame, it's so much fun.
I keep wondering, did they all reject me? Move away and/or get families and just vanish? Is it the location, or me? Am I lonely because of my life choices (no kids) or my personality disorder?
Then I get rather pensive about that. Who am I? Am I the person I feel inside, or? What do people see and are they right? Am I selfish? Sociopath? Do sociopaths know they're horrible people? And if one is a horrible person and one cannot unhorrible oneself for anything nor kill oneself for all the trying in the world, then what is one to do about it? My answer has been to isolate myself. I don't know if I'm horrible or not but the last few years I found myself only getting company from abusive people. I buy Tom's time. With the garden, feeding him, getting him high. I'm no fool, I know he goes elsewhere to enjoy himself and here when he can't get smoke anywhere else or is really hungry. since I cut back on the generosity because we couldn't afford to be that generous, and because he was getting positively helpless, he comes by a lot less.
I know there's never been a conversation along the lines of "hey, we're getting together on Saturday to go to the beach, lets call Yolanda to come along!" Never ever ever. No matter how much I've ever wanted to be welcome. Even my family were thrilled to give me over to the dutch relatives and go to disneyland without me. At one point one of them even let slip later that year that it was the best family vacation ever because I wasn't along. Yeah. It was like that. It still is. I still can't help it no matter how hard I try.
I fear that I might find myself equally rejected at the marinas and boat docks of the west coast after a few years of getting known. I think I'd toss myself to an orca one day if that happened. I'm hoping, quietly, that the increased sense of community on the water and the general weirdness of the average liveaboarder will insulate me and make it more possible to form bonds. Not being the charity case in the community, due to Dan's wage earning abilities, will help. Back when I knew those kinds of people before I was always a mooch which didn't do a damn thing for my welcome. Now I'll be bringing chocolates, cooking, and 3d printing to the relationship. Surely that's worth some annoyance? I mean, why is it people can lie, cheat and even steal and retain friendships but I merely irritate the ego (and it's really about ego) and I'm utterly ostracized? I never understood that. I know sometimes I make you feel small, as small as the collective You has always made me feel, but why is that so much worse than actually causing you mental or physical harm? I never understood that. I don't get why people take an ego punch so much harder than a face punch. I mean, I know ego punches and they're pretty rough, I take them every time I stop to think like I'm doing today on this blog, but is it worth losing a strong hard working creative person from your life?
You could get me to paint your whole living room if you only put out munchies and tea for me as though I were a guest or something (hint, Tom, put some effort into it and I will cave like a kitten over a sardine)
Tom has a living room painting job. I bought him all the materials except paint which he already bought and left my tools with instructions to sand. I told him to call me when it's ready and I'll prime it. It's been 2 months. He wants me to come over, move the furniture while prodding him to help, force him to sand a spot while I finish the rest, and then do the rest of the job while he waits for very specific instructions to do something incredibly simple, like make tea with tea bags I'd likely have to supply.
Yeah, that's going to happen....
I'll paint the place, but you'll sand the holes and you'll move your damn furniture, you're male and younger than me, dammit. Yeah, but if I said any of this to him, he'd get all depressed and still not actually act. Then he'd take even longer to actually start moving instead of frowning about it. So I feel like a heel playing mind games with someone who frankly could just fucking paint his goddamn apartment with the materials at hand.
Well now the blasted transit system is shutting down tonigh. Union vs city and the riders, like Tom, are left hanging. For me it's no difference because the transit system is so lousy I find it faster to walk everywhere if I haven't got my own wheels. Tom, however, relies on it exclusively. I know we paid good money to fix up the bike I dragged out of the trash for him. He spotted it, waited a couple days, then I was over and he wanted it but was afraid to take it. So I did that for him. It needed a tuneup, I took it in, paid for it ($110) and gave it to him. But I didn't have a bike lock. So he won't ride it at all. Because he's too poor to buy a bike lock so he can't use the bike. So for a fucking year it sits in the apartment now. I will spend a bit of this afternoon fielding whines about the bus. I will be expected to cheer him up without suggesting any ways he can fix it himself. I may offer to play taxi or even give him my car, but otherwise I will have no acceptable answers. I cannot try and make him happy with the van again because he would get it, try using it, complain bitterly about how badly it runs, then it would break in his hands. Every time we gave it him, that's when something would fail. I mean, the van is junk and failing, we know that, but it runs, unlike his own truck. But not when he gets in it. I dunno. So I can't even give him that. I will not give him the smart car to drive, no how no way, she's more important to me than him. Really, and are you surprised? She's a resource, he's a ... that's just it, I don't even know what he does for me. Nothing I can define. But I don't mind being friendly and he does put in the energy I won't to keep that little patch of my garden weeded and planted. and I feel sorry for him. I don't like myself better for it, though, I like myself less. For keeping a friend simply as a charity, for then thinking of a person that way. I see how it happened but the relationship is not an equitable one and there's a loss of respect with that. Just now it's going the opposite of how it did when I was young and had friends who'd pay my coffee bill and stuff just to take me out and try to cheer me up. I guess Tom is a kind of pay-back for that? Well anyway, he's welcome enough and the time gets enjoyable enough when we're sitting so I don't begrudge it.
I do see though that this blog post is getting way too long and saying too little. So. fini
So yesterday saw me on the bike downtown, dodging a cute little rain cloud with Timmy on the bike basket. We picked up my rings and Dan's wedding ring all fixed up and shiny. I had some resized, some repaired, etc. Dan's wedding ring had lost it's little diamond so we fixed that up with a new one and my pearl had gotten too worn so that's replaced. I only worked on two boxes all day and they're nowhere near finished. At first I was all "gee, why did I get nothing done at all this morning?" Then I remembered the four hours of work it took to list them and input all my data for the store. Oh yeah. And the two hours of getting good photos the day before and more that morning. Yeah, that's why I'm getting so much less done on the painting. Also, I'm slowing down. I'm burning out a bit.
I did find a whackload of lovely butterfly wings on my car, so that's cool. I put them all in the freezer till I can sort though the bug parts but I'm quite excited there might be enough to do a box with. That'd be so cool. I'll have to remove all the squishy bits, that's why it's in the freezer, to keep things stable.
So I did work on boxes last night, deferring a nightmare dish pile to today.
Today sees me having to: wash those dishes, work on the boxes, get to the store for essentials, and all before Tom comes over at lunch to pretty much wipe out my day. He comes by, we do a bit in the garden, and spend the whole day sitting on our expansive asses smoking hash, drinking coffee, and being utterly useless. It's fun enough but I feel bad about how the time is spent. It's useless time. Why can't people engage activity while visiting?
Well anyway, I've tried with Tom and it's like suggesting basketball pickup to a lump of clay. He kind of sags there like "oh alright, if you make enough effort I'll comply but I won't lift a finger myself." whether it's a craft pursuit, an outdoor activity, chores or a game, he just doesn't. Only thing I've had any luck with is making him prep veggies at his seat. Yeah, fun, LOL
Well enough griping, I am glad to have a friend. If only so I can say I have one, LOL, and he's a good human. Takes advantage of generosity but that's his only flaw in that respect. He's not abusive, doesn't put his own agenda first regardless, doesn't get violent or startling, isn't manipulative or dishonest, etc. I hope one day to find a friend who is just fun to play with. I haven't really played with people in years and it's a shame, it's so much fun.
I keep wondering, did they all reject me? Move away and/or get families and just vanish? Is it the location, or me? Am I lonely because of my life choices (no kids) or my personality disorder?
Then I get rather pensive about that. Who am I? Am I the person I feel inside, or? What do people see and are they right? Am I selfish? Sociopath? Do sociopaths know they're horrible people? And if one is a horrible person and one cannot unhorrible oneself for anything nor kill oneself for all the trying in the world, then what is one to do about it? My answer has been to isolate myself. I don't know if I'm horrible or not but the last few years I found myself only getting company from abusive people. I buy Tom's time. With the garden, feeding him, getting him high. I'm no fool, I know he goes elsewhere to enjoy himself and here when he can't get smoke anywhere else or is really hungry. since I cut back on the generosity because we couldn't afford to be that generous, and because he was getting positively helpless, he comes by a lot less.
I know there's never been a conversation along the lines of "hey, we're getting together on Saturday to go to the beach, lets call Yolanda to come along!" Never ever ever. No matter how much I've ever wanted to be welcome. Even my family were thrilled to give me over to the dutch relatives and go to disneyland without me. At one point one of them even let slip later that year that it was the best family vacation ever because I wasn't along. Yeah. It was like that. It still is. I still can't help it no matter how hard I try.
I fear that I might find myself equally rejected at the marinas and boat docks of the west coast after a few years of getting known. I think I'd toss myself to an orca one day if that happened. I'm hoping, quietly, that the increased sense of community on the water and the general weirdness of the average liveaboarder will insulate me and make it more possible to form bonds. Not being the charity case in the community, due to Dan's wage earning abilities, will help. Back when I knew those kinds of people before I was always a mooch which didn't do a damn thing for my welcome. Now I'll be bringing chocolates, cooking, and 3d printing to the relationship. Surely that's worth some annoyance? I mean, why is it people can lie, cheat and even steal and retain friendships but I merely irritate the ego (and it's really about ego) and I'm utterly ostracized? I never understood that. I know sometimes I make you feel small, as small as the collective You has always made me feel, but why is that so much worse than actually causing you mental or physical harm? I never understood that. I don't get why people take an ego punch so much harder than a face punch. I mean, I know ego punches and they're pretty rough, I take them every time I stop to think like I'm doing today on this blog, but is it worth losing a strong hard working creative person from your life?
You could get me to paint your whole living room if you only put out munchies and tea for me as though I were a guest or something (hint, Tom, put some effort into it and I will cave like a kitten over a sardine)
Tom has a living room painting job. I bought him all the materials except paint which he already bought and left my tools with instructions to sand. I told him to call me when it's ready and I'll prime it. It's been 2 months. He wants me to come over, move the furniture while prodding him to help, force him to sand a spot while I finish the rest, and then do the rest of the job while he waits for very specific instructions to do something incredibly simple, like make tea with tea bags I'd likely have to supply.
Yeah, that's going to happen....
I'll paint the place, but you'll sand the holes and you'll move your damn furniture, you're male and younger than me, dammit. Yeah, but if I said any of this to him, he'd get all depressed and still not actually act. Then he'd take even longer to actually start moving instead of frowning about it. So I feel like a heel playing mind games with someone who frankly could just fucking paint his goddamn apartment with the materials at hand.
Well now the blasted transit system is shutting down tonigh. Union vs city and the riders, like Tom, are left hanging. For me it's no difference because the transit system is so lousy I find it faster to walk everywhere if I haven't got my own wheels. Tom, however, relies on it exclusively. I know we paid good money to fix up the bike I dragged out of the trash for him. He spotted it, waited a couple days, then I was over and he wanted it but was afraid to take it. So I did that for him. It needed a tuneup, I took it in, paid for it ($110) and gave it to him. But I didn't have a bike lock. So he won't ride it at all. Because he's too poor to buy a bike lock so he can't use the bike. So for a fucking year it sits in the apartment now. I will spend a bit of this afternoon fielding whines about the bus. I will be expected to cheer him up without suggesting any ways he can fix it himself. I may offer to play taxi or even give him my car, but otherwise I will have no acceptable answers. I cannot try and make him happy with the van again because he would get it, try using it, complain bitterly about how badly it runs, then it would break in his hands. Every time we gave it him, that's when something would fail. I mean, the van is junk and failing, we know that, but it runs, unlike his own truck. But not when he gets in it. I dunno. So I can't even give him that. I will not give him the smart car to drive, no how no way, she's more important to me than him. Really, and are you surprised? She's a resource, he's a ... that's just it, I don't even know what he does for me. Nothing I can define. But I don't mind being friendly and he does put in the energy I won't to keep that little patch of my garden weeded and planted. and I feel sorry for him. I don't like myself better for it, though, I like myself less. For keeping a friend simply as a charity, for then thinking of a person that way. I see how it happened but the relationship is not an equitable one and there's a loss of respect with that. Just now it's going the opposite of how it did when I was young and had friends who'd pay my coffee bill and stuff just to take me out and try to cheer me up. I guess Tom is a kind of pay-back for that? Well anyway, he's welcome enough and the time gets enjoyable enough when we're sitting so I don't begrudge it.
I do see though that this blog post is getting way too long and saying too little. So. fini