Stubborn young trainwreck?
Picture an average dysfunctional family of the crappy sort. Not the Simpsons or Family Guy, here, but the kind where they don't laugh and the slapstick hurts. A child spends his time adjusting himself. Trying to become someone else. Trying to change a problematic situation by changing himself. By the time he's adult, he's utterly given up on that approach, the most natural and effective approach available as adults, because as a helpless child it was useless.
this is one reason why adult survivors of broken families resist self change so adamantly. They gave that up at an early enough age to be imprinted with the sense of futility deeper than reason can plumb.
Eventually life will either kill them, or bend them till they learn it works and how to do it, but the young adults are likely always going to be stuck in "been there done that" mode as to making personal changes to ease problems.
Just because your family always did it that way, doesn't mean it didn't hurt you and isn't hurting your child. Tradition has a lot of value only if it brings comfort and connection. Anyway, aren't you really just being selfish and using it as an excuse to be lazy? Get up and go do the job right, Mom and Dad, please. If you don't, nobody will.
Okay, so now I understand a lot of the stubbornness of addicts and survivors from miserable families. I know it in myself too, but I didn't give up trying to change myself. I was constantly instructed to for so many years I never even considered not trying to comply. Suddenly, now, I'm determined to not only defy the fashion and lifestyle demands, but the personality ones as well. Autism IS a personality issue, I can't help it and I'm going to get over that old need to make friends. I used to think they'd be there for me when I was old and lonely and that was wrong, so why invest myself so much?
As I sit here pep talking myself, there sits 2 paleo books, a framed watercolour with the frame newly re-oiled, a box of chocolates, and there will be a 3d printed house gift for the party host. All this, because I care how they see me and want them to like me, same as ever.
But that's just me walking up to near strangers with my chest open saying "here, give it a squeeze, my heart's too relaxed lately."
but I really loved parties. I loved to dress up and enjoy the view of others who'd dressed up, all standing about being happy people in a prettified home and garden. It's going to be epic. Might even be someone with a guitar. It likely will include a fire pit. ~sigh~ I'm such a blinking mess these days. Isolation really effs a person up. Damn good thing my courage is bigger than my animal will. Reason has decided and courage is it's horse. We'll go.
that's a good tweet. I think I'll use it.
this is one reason why adult survivors of broken families resist self change so adamantly. They gave that up at an early enough age to be imprinted with the sense of futility deeper than reason can plumb.
Eventually life will either kill them, or bend them till they learn it works and how to do it, but the young adults are likely always going to be stuck in "been there done that" mode as to making personal changes to ease problems.
Just because your family always did it that way, doesn't mean it didn't hurt you and isn't hurting your child. Tradition has a lot of value only if it brings comfort and connection. Anyway, aren't you really just being selfish and using it as an excuse to be lazy? Get up and go do the job right, Mom and Dad, please. If you don't, nobody will.
Okay, so now I understand a lot of the stubbornness of addicts and survivors from miserable families. I know it in myself too, but I didn't give up trying to change myself. I was constantly instructed to for so many years I never even considered not trying to comply. Suddenly, now, I'm determined to not only defy the fashion and lifestyle demands, but the personality ones as well. Autism IS a personality issue, I can't help it and I'm going to get over that old need to make friends. I used to think they'd be there for me when I was old and lonely and that was wrong, so why invest myself so much?
As I sit here pep talking myself, there sits 2 paleo books, a framed watercolour with the frame newly re-oiled, a box of chocolates, and there will be a 3d printed house gift for the party host. All this, because I care how they see me and want them to like me, same as ever.
But that's just me walking up to near strangers with my chest open saying "here, give it a squeeze, my heart's too relaxed lately."
but I really loved parties. I loved to dress up and enjoy the view of others who'd dressed up, all standing about being happy people in a prettified home and garden. It's going to be epic. Might even be someone with a guitar. It likely will include a fire pit. ~sigh~ I'm such a blinking mess these days. Isolation really effs a person up. Damn good thing my courage is bigger than my animal will. Reason has decided and courage is it's horse. We'll go.
that's a good tweet. I think I'll use it.