too much drama

 I really do find myself crying "why me."  Even though I try hard not to.

So the fire marshall handed me off to the city bylaw officer. I'm emailling her now. I wrote the city hoping to address city council. Some of them know me, but would need to hear and see me in person to know.

Well the bylaw officer is emailling me. Asking me for a phone call and I'm refusing. I just can't cope with voice communication well enough. I get railroaded. 

She's using phrases like "just worried for your safety" which is code speak "come on, I can't fuck you over till you trust me."  I don't. I'm done trusting people with no prior evidence of their decency. I'm done giving the benefit of the doubt.  I don't get it, I'm not giving it. If things get threatening i'm going to CC my lawyer next. Or at least ask if it's time to contact him. But for now I'm expressing my genuine intention of taking the vehicle of contention to a storage lot and be done with all this palaver. That I'll show her in person or with pics if she can accept, that the vehicle is gone.  Point out that she can see over the fence if and when it is there. Say that in nice weather I"m likely to bring here to work on till my surgery date, then it will stay away till I'm able to work some more.  I'm feeling so threatened right now I can't stay calm from one half hour to the next. I keep going back into calming techniques every two minutes!  I'm crying again too.  I have had such a nice break from crying it feels even more rude to be there again.  I work hard to avoid this state of mind.

Well anyway, I'm fighting. I am not powerless. I am harmless, but not helpless. I'm peaceful, but not passive. I won't quit striving till the bitter end. Long after the fat lady's last note has fled behind the audience and the curtain's down, I'll be taking one last "just one step."  

Whatever else I am, I am iron. I am a meteorite that fell from the stars and I have been quenched in the fires of a black hole and tempered in the pits of hell.  I've been edged and etched by surgeons and I am sharp as the winter wind.  Beware you who grab me mindlessly, for I bring pain to those who are not careful. 

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