suicide plans
I think I'm goint to do it. Not today because I need to start early in the day for maximum effect. I have decided one morning when the asshole goes to work I'm going to take off the stove pipe, plug the chimney end, and lay down on the couch with Timmy for the final nap. If it works, CO will kill me, timmy, sam, and the finches. Not sure about toby but I can't help that. He'll have to struggle along under Dan's neglectful care till the next bout of colic kills him. But I really don't know a lot about carbon monoxide and how it fills a house. It might make it down there to him too. I do know dan's not capable of properly caring for any of us so leaving someone behind would not work for me.
Sam's life sucks as bad as mine and Timmy would soon suffer and die in Dan's neglectful care. Gone for long hours day in and day out is not how you care for others.
We had another fight last night. I was trying to show him how Government responds to pressure from one part of the population to put pressure on the other. Tried to use national parks as an example and he seized on it to rage some more. He doesn't see himself raging. He thinks he's just proving how smart and right he is. I was pushed past emotional breaking and he just thinks that's my fault. I'm choosing to feel, so if I don't like the feeling, I shouldn't choose it. If I don't like the conversation I shouldn't have it, but he won't quit it once it starts and he directs the topic to his choice every time.so either I cede the whole main floor of our tiny house and retreat to the loft, or he keeps hammering at me, spitting rage and "facts" from websites with names like "jihadihater.com" and such bullshit.
I am faced with life attached to a raving fucking lunatic or abject poverty. I cannot support myself and I know it. Not even in a bus. The bus is a great big gamble and one direction sees me sitting on some rural road with a broken bus, no food or water or money or help from anyone. I don't see a way to finance myself and Dan's a shitty answer for a future.
So I realized this morning I could dislodge the stove pipe and probably put us all to permanent sleep, really peaceful and easy.
Far as I know there's no moment of death throes, no last minute panic, no awareness you're dying.carbon monoxide takes whole families out. Can't do it at night because it might not make it to my attic and then I'm just a murderer of my husband. So I sent a message via g+ and twitter just in case it matters more to someone than I think but I am quite certain only distant strangers will respond.
Fact is, only Dan will grieve and he is the problem. loveless marriages do not sustain and i have nothing else left. he will not so much as scratch his itchy balls if he thinks its what I want. he actively neglects me as part of his battle. I am here to be his enemy. I've talked about it with him till I'm out of things to say and repeated it too many times. It's always back to how I'm lying to control him. So I just can't win this and I frankly don't need to because I can just cash out. I have nothing to lose.
Sam's life sucks as bad as mine and Timmy would soon suffer and die in Dan's neglectful care. Gone for long hours day in and day out is not how you care for others.
We had another fight last night. I was trying to show him how Government responds to pressure from one part of the population to put pressure on the other. Tried to use national parks as an example and he seized on it to rage some more. He doesn't see himself raging. He thinks he's just proving how smart and right he is. I was pushed past emotional breaking and he just thinks that's my fault. I'm choosing to feel, so if I don't like the feeling, I shouldn't choose it. If I don't like the conversation I shouldn't have it, but he won't quit it once it starts and he directs the topic to his choice every time.so either I cede the whole main floor of our tiny house and retreat to the loft, or he keeps hammering at me, spitting rage and "facts" from websites with names like "jihadihater.com" and such bullshit.
I am faced with life attached to a raving fucking lunatic or abject poverty. I cannot support myself and I know it. Not even in a bus. The bus is a great big gamble and one direction sees me sitting on some rural road with a broken bus, no food or water or money or help from anyone. I don't see a way to finance myself and Dan's a shitty answer for a future.
So I realized this morning I could dislodge the stove pipe and probably put us all to permanent sleep, really peaceful and easy.
Far as I know there's no moment of death throes, no last minute panic, no awareness you're dying.carbon monoxide takes whole families out. Can't do it at night because it might not make it to my attic and then I'm just a murderer of my husband. So I sent a message via g+ and twitter just in case it matters more to someone than I think but I am quite certain only distant strangers will respond.
Fact is, only Dan will grieve and he is the problem. loveless marriages do not sustain and i have nothing else left. he will not so much as scratch his itchy balls if he thinks its what I want. he actively neglects me as part of his battle. I am here to be his enemy. I've talked about it with him till I'm out of things to say and repeated it too many times. It's always back to how I'm lying to control him. So I just can't win this and I frankly don't need to because I can just cash out. I have nothing to lose.