still a butt battle
I'm beginning to get alarmed at my weight loss. I wonder how light I actually am if you subtract the belly full. My bones are beginning to pinch my skin where I sit or lean against things unless I add padding. I chill and overheat really fast. It's becoming something about which I'm reminded far too often. Mostly I'm actually cheerful, singing little songs and joking, but then I go to the toilet. All strain, no gain, and I think about that colonoscopy. SOP is a severe enema first. But if the hole is shut, how that gets out?
So one worry, they'll command me to solve the problem and come back when I'm empty. I need the colonoscopy to clear the tubes but they won't do the colonoscopy without cleared tubes. Catch 22? I don't know, and it scares me.
How long do I have to keep trying to nutrition myself without adding more mass to my stomach, and how much more can it hold? I'm distended as hell and the skinnier I get the more obvious it is.
It makes me cry and tears my cheer and spirit.
And I don't know how long I have to wait. Days? Weeks? more than a month? Nobody would try to guess.
And about my condition, no care instructions. Not really, except just don't strain too hard. I have not read instructions for this situation anywhere or any references to it.
I just might be a journal case, I suppose. One of those "you'd never believe it" stories for medicine.
What infamy. Seriously, I would be mortified about it if it weren't so far gone into the extreme as to become too funny to feel bad about. I finally find my fame as the woman who was full of shit. See? I can't say it without breaking down for a chuckle. I just can't. But it really is too humiliating. I suppose if you needed a victim for such an embarassment, I'm a good pick. I've been exposed to so much ridicule I really only get as far as blushing and a hint of shame even with something this insane. Like anything, you can even get used to feeling embarrassed. Daddy always said I was full of shit. Must be his fault. You think his ghost did it? Oh, maybe that's getting a little too weird and if you didn't catch the thought I'm glad.
Besides, I ferried Dad to the sorting room for a new suit and he's off being a new self.
So food wise I'm now thinking upside down from how I've always eaten, choosing those very foods I once avoided to keep my calories down. adding extra hunks of fat wherever I can, for instance. I have a tasty bone broth concoction I'm going to start eating more of. Into a cup of water with two stock cubes I put a dollop of pan drippings from roasted chicken (still have it in the fridge from last week) and nuke it up really hot. the I whip an egg into it with a fork. A bit of salt finishes the meal and it really satisfies but never causes nausea. I'm pretty sure it'll shrink down to nearly no mass at all when digested. I mean, the only solids are a bit of microscopic pigment in the broth and cooked egg. Egg is meant to be 100% absorbable, and I suspect most of whatever makes the broth brown is also digestible. Bone broth of course will have all kinds of minerals in it, plus some protien. All the ingredients have good whole animal fats.
I've noticed an improvement in my energy overall since adopting a "throw the calories at me" attitude although I'm still trying to make sure some leaves and fruit get in the mix daily. I am, as I've been, continuing to use papaya and pineapple for the enzymes that help promote breakdown of food too. So, you see, that's how I am surviving. cleverly. Not clever enough to avoid being in this state though.
Some days my belly feels like I'm wearing tight pants on it. But the pants are loose and cross under my belly.
So one worry, they'll command me to solve the problem and come back when I'm empty. I need the colonoscopy to clear the tubes but they won't do the colonoscopy without cleared tubes. Catch 22? I don't know, and it scares me.
How long do I have to keep trying to nutrition myself without adding more mass to my stomach, and how much more can it hold? I'm distended as hell and the skinnier I get the more obvious it is.
It makes me cry and tears my cheer and spirit.
And I don't know how long I have to wait. Days? Weeks? more than a month? Nobody would try to guess.
And about my condition, no care instructions. Not really, except just don't strain too hard. I have not read instructions for this situation anywhere or any references to it.
I just might be a journal case, I suppose. One of those "you'd never believe it" stories for medicine.
What infamy. Seriously, I would be mortified about it if it weren't so far gone into the extreme as to become too funny to feel bad about. I finally find my fame as the woman who was full of shit. See? I can't say it without breaking down for a chuckle. I just can't. But it really is too humiliating. I suppose if you needed a victim for such an embarassment, I'm a good pick. I've been exposed to so much ridicule I really only get as far as blushing and a hint of shame even with something this insane. Like anything, you can even get used to feeling embarrassed. Daddy always said I was full of shit. Must be his fault. You think his ghost did it? Oh, maybe that's getting a little too weird and if you didn't catch the thought I'm glad.
Besides, I ferried Dad to the sorting room for a new suit and he's off being a new self.
So food wise I'm now thinking upside down from how I've always eaten, choosing those very foods I once avoided to keep my calories down. adding extra hunks of fat wherever I can, for instance. I have a tasty bone broth concoction I'm going to start eating more of. Into a cup of water with two stock cubes I put a dollop of pan drippings from roasted chicken (still have it in the fridge from last week) and nuke it up really hot. the I whip an egg into it with a fork. A bit of salt finishes the meal and it really satisfies but never causes nausea. I'm pretty sure it'll shrink down to nearly no mass at all when digested. I mean, the only solids are a bit of microscopic pigment in the broth and cooked egg. Egg is meant to be 100% absorbable, and I suspect most of whatever makes the broth brown is also digestible. Bone broth of course will have all kinds of minerals in it, plus some protien. All the ingredients have good whole animal fats.
I've noticed an improvement in my energy overall since adopting a "throw the calories at me" attitude although I'm still trying to make sure some leaves and fruit get in the mix daily. I am, as I've been, continuing to use papaya and pineapple for the enzymes that help promote breakdown of food too. So, you see, that's how I am surviving. cleverly. Not clever enough to avoid being in this state though.
Some days my belly feels like I'm wearing tight pants on it. But the pants are loose and cross under my belly.