health on the rise but with backsliding...
I've been getting better. Well till today. I don't know what's going on right now. But I was starting to poop more often and the pain level of doing so was down by half. Now I'm not only again suffering on the toilet and muscles spasms off it, but I've got some weird rash! It's not a rash in the sense of a group of things, but there's little random itchy bumps like tiny zits all over my legs, sparsely distributed, and my stomach! I've been bleeding all along but now it's worse, and also my period came back. Damn. I wish I knew what to blame or how to keep it from happening again but I just am not organized enough to draw correlations that way.
I also am having a terrible time with my body temperature. It swings too far. I go downstairs to use the cold bathroom, get extra chilled. cover up, go straight to feverish! Uncover, chill again. I know you think half covering or whatever, but there is no medium state!
At night I wake up halfway through in a puddle of sweat, clothes soggy, pillows and sheets soggy, and all clammy and cold. Why? it's cold up there!!!!
so something's wrong with me. I mean, I know it's easy to just blame it on the mystery of menopause, but come on. Rashes, bleeding rectum, hemorrhoids, muscle cramps, extreme pain, belly spasms, back spasms, chills and overheating.
But I can't find anything to pin it down on except maybe stomach viruses again or something. Definitely my immune system fighting like a maniac, but against WHAT? That's the big question, isn't it? The poop smell is wrong too, again, like before. As if I have rotting flesh up there!
I realized one reason I don't go looking for outside help. I don't expect anyone to consider me worthy of attention or care. I'm just too unimportant, annoying, or weak, or female, or poor, or alone, or weird, or whatever excuse they'll come up with. I fit them all. Pariah, that's me. So why commit myself to the tender mercies of those who do not love me and are underpaid and overworked and unappreciated? Seriously? It's not like I've heard a lot of success stories from local patients. I mean, fine if you want some cutting and stitching done, but actually do detective work on your health? Hell no! Get my script pad and let's see how many pills we can throw at your symptoms. That will keep you busy for at least five years and maybe you'll shut up permanently!
Well so, I'm doing better. Yesterday was pretty nearly pain free although by the end of the day chronic bad posture had taken it's toll. I do try, every time I remember it exists I bring my posture back up but the pain goes from nothing to nasty more quickly than it can be used as a reminder..
I went to the store today, in spite of the flare up. I wanted to go yesterday and it'd have been much better but there was fresh snow on the streets and I love my little car so I waited for the city to get the sanding done. So today I went and got new panties and bras, socks and comfy pants. I discovered nursing scrubs! Bright colours, quality fabrics, loose and comfy design, pockets, and affordable prices. I mean, I just want to cover up my legs, right?
I found out I'm an A cup again like when I was a teen. That's weird. From C to A in six months or less. It's the best part of the weight loss, losing those godawful water bags. My current tits are a bit too saggy for complete comfort, but not bad for my age anyway. I can't expect nubile buds, right? Still, I was really unhappy about facing old age with two useless water bag boobs on my front. Having inoffensive little tits is much better. They won't hamper my movement as much. I was always having to hold the stupid things down!
I'm as light as I was before the thyroid, but the ratio of fat and muscle is much different. I plan to fix that, although I worry I won't follow through well enough. I mean, you get a good day, get some exercise, and it lays you about flat out. Then you've got a good excuse the next day (flare up or feeling like utter crap) to not exercise.
So it goes.
I dragged out the dr. Ho TENS machine and got some new pads on the contacts so it works properly again. I'm so grateful I did. That actually resets the back spasms. Massaging just bruises the skin and tires my arms. Heat was short-term. The TENS hurts a lot, but in very brief spurts and brings long-term relief! Whew. Those spasms were killing me.
I hate seeing myself become one of these people with no focus but her health, can't eat anything, constantly discovering new phantom complaints with no known cause... That's another reason I am not trying harder to find medical help! It's so terribly embarassing and annoying. Also, of course, it's likely I'd just get accused of being crazy. You know, because it's easier to give me drugs for anxiety than figure out my problem.
I wish I had a scientist on hand. Someone who'd keep a record of my meals, symptoms, and other exposures.
Like is this new rash from the cheap lotion Dan uses that I've started using? Maybe? maybe not?
The lush bath products? Oh it's all so frustrating.
I also am having a terrible time with my body temperature. It swings too far. I go downstairs to use the cold bathroom, get extra chilled. cover up, go straight to feverish! Uncover, chill again. I know you think half covering or whatever, but there is no medium state!
At night I wake up halfway through in a puddle of sweat, clothes soggy, pillows and sheets soggy, and all clammy and cold. Why? it's cold up there!!!!
so something's wrong with me. I mean, I know it's easy to just blame it on the mystery of menopause, but come on. Rashes, bleeding rectum, hemorrhoids, muscle cramps, extreme pain, belly spasms, back spasms, chills and overheating.
But I can't find anything to pin it down on except maybe stomach viruses again or something. Definitely my immune system fighting like a maniac, but against WHAT? That's the big question, isn't it? The poop smell is wrong too, again, like before. As if I have rotting flesh up there!
I realized one reason I don't go looking for outside help. I don't expect anyone to consider me worthy of attention or care. I'm just too unimportant, annoying, or weak, or female, or poor, or alone, or weird, or whatever excuse they'll come up with. I fit them all. Pariah, that's me. So why commit myself to the tender mercies of those who do not love me and are underpaid and overworked and unappreciated? Seriously? It's not like I've heard a lot of success stories from local patients. I mean, fine if you want some cutting and stitching done, but actually do detective work on your health? Hell no! Get my script pad and let's see how many pills we can throw at your symptoms. That will keep you busy for at least five years and maybe you'll shut up permanently!
Well so, I'm doing better. Yesterday was pretty nearly pain free although by the end of the day chronic bad posture had taken it's toll. I do try, every time I remember it exists I bring my posture back up but the pain goes from nothing to nasty more quickly than it can be used as a reminder..
I went to the store today, in spite of the flare up. I wanted to go yesterday and it'd have been much better but there was fresh snow on the streets and I love my little car so I waited for the city to get the sanding done. So today I went and got new panties and bras, socks and comfy pants. I discovered nursing scrubs! Bright colours, quality fabrics, loose and comfy design, pockets, and affordable prices. I mean, I just want to cover up my legs, right?
I found out I'm an A cup again like when I was a teen. That's weird. From C to A in six months or less. It's the best part of the weight loss, losing those godawful water bags. My current tits are a bit too saggy for complete comfort, but not bad for my age anyway. I can't expect nubile buds, right? Still, I was really unhappy about facing old age with two useless water bag boobs on my front. Having inoffensive little tits is much better. They won't hamper my movement as much. I was always having to hold the stupid things down!
I'm as light as I was before the thyroid, but the ratio of fat and muscle is much different. I plan to fix that, although I worry I won't follow through well enough. I mean, you get a good day, get some exercise, and it lays you about flat out. Then you've got a good excuse the next day (flare up or feeling like utter crap) to not exercise.
So it goes.
I dragged out the dr. Ho TENS machine and got some new pads on the contacts so it works properly again. I'm so grateful I did. That actually resets the back spasms. Massaging just bruises the skin and tires my arms. Heat was short-term. The TENS hurts a lot, but in very brief spurts and brings long-term relief! Whew. Those spasms were killing me.
I hate seeing myself become one of these people with no focus but her health, can't eat anything, constantly discovering new phantom complaints with no known cause... That's another reason I am not trying harder to find medical help! It's so terribly embarassing and annoying. Also, of course, it's likely I'd just get accused of being crazy. You know, because it's easier to give me drugs for anxiety than figure out my problem.
I wish I had a scientist on hand. Someone who'd keep a record of my meals, symptoms, and other exposures.
Like is this new rash from the cheap lotion Dan uses that I've started using? Maybe? maybe not?
The lush bath products? Oh it's all so frustrating.