stuck on the tracks, freight train a'comin'

I'm seeing it, bearing down on me.  a freight train of stress.  I'm autistic, I can't do all these appointments, but there isn't any escape from them.  I mean, I get it, they're trying to save my life.  But they don't understand how fucked up it's going to make me.  Overwhelmed already, and it hasn't even gotten thick yet.  When I get overwhelmed, I get really emotional.  I can't understand people anymore.  I can't remember anything from one moment to the next, and can't think at a higher level than a moron. That's when the bullies always come out. People around me start deciding I'm deserving of cruelty.  I don't know exactly why, they're just resenting me, or disliking me, I don't know.  But yesterday it already started with a nurse.  I was getting a cat scan.  It was way over my ability to handle.  I'd been holding my pee in all day to comply with the demand to have a full bladder and it just had me so mentally incompetent.  I was not being compliant enough or something.  I remember she was trying to tell me her pin pricks didn't hurt, as though she has it done all the time, and I was telling her they did, and I guess she decided to show me what her idea of hurting is, because she stabbed one into my tail bone so hard it shocked me into tears. I'm still crying over it! I'm so scared of how they're going to treat me as this thing progresses and my mental instability grows.  I'm already having trouble directing myself or getting out of my mental loops.
I was going to use today to call back the dietitian and contact a counsellor only to discover it's not friday, it's saturday.  Although yesterday was thursday.  All my appointments somehow got shifted a day and friday vanished and all the "real world" proof that it was ever thursday yesterday has vanished, leaving me crazy, and short a day to get things done. This happens a lot.  It adds to my stress.  Now I have to try and remember, on monday, all the things I was supposed to do friday, and I'm sure monday will dawn with other problems.
Dammit. How can anyone not autistic understand how rapidly I devolve and why?  I'm not NT, I just emulate it, and with all this activity, the app is going to crash.  It's already glitching. There's just not enough memory to run all these programs.  
No idea how to decompress either.

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