imaginary conversation
"Hey, how are you, I haven't seen you in ages!"
"oh hello, I'm fine, yes it has been a year or two, hasn't it?"
"I've tried to call you but you never pick up, why not?"
"I don't really have any reason to."
"Don't you want to talk to me?"
"I don't really have any reason to."
"Don't you get lonely?"
"Not any more. I used to, and talking to you once a year didn't help."
Yeah, I think if I get pulled into that conversation by one of my "friends" out there on the street again, I'm okay saying that. It would make the uncomfortable grilling quite short. they like to pretend like it's my fault we're not closer and that they have hurt feelings but when I try and pull close, they shove me away constantly and disrespect me till I'm crying for days, so yeah, I think I could.
On a similar topic, the clown friend actually called just to chat, I think. Well, she wanted me to come do work for her come to think, but then in her case that's a very nice thing to do, to call and offer work. She's in a world where that's a big gift. And the conversation was really pleasant too and didn't seem to be about teaching me to be a better person, or getting me to come save them from whatever. That was nice. I think I'm too damaged to be trusted to really assess friendship anymore, but I think I'll call her for a chat if I can avoid getting myself into too much of a head trip.
I got so sick on the weekend. Friday I think. Dan had been getting aggy all day over the router and xbox settings and setup. The more aggy he got, the more jumpy I and the animals would get. Being jumpy involves the following results: the parrot screams. the dog barks randomly. the whistle finches shout canary song at the volume of a steam whistle. My back goes into orbit on the pain and spasms. In fact it was involving my arms, shoulders, butt and thighs as well as my entire back! I'm still recovering, really. Constantly adjusting my posture from hunched, constantly lowering my shoulders and lifting my chest plate and tucking my tail bone, then it's overdone and readjust, then return to whatever I'm doing for ten seconds till I notice, from the pain, that I'm hunching again.
I think my hormones are climbing the rollercoaster too, like starting this morning. Yeah, gonna be a shitty day to interact with others, I think I'll call her now, before it's too late, and maybe try and msg my mother in law with new videos from the week so she feels attended to.
"oh hello, I'm fine, yes it has been a year or two, hasn't it?"
"I've tried to call you but you never pick up, why not?"
"I don't really have any reason to."
"Don't you want to talk to me?"
"I don't really have any reason to."
"Don't you get lonely?"
"Not any more. I used to, and talking to you once a year didn't help."
Yeah, I think if I get pulled into that conversation by one of my "friends" out there on the street again, I'm okay saying that. It would make the uncomfortable grilling quite short. they like to pretend like it's my fault we're not closer and that they have hurt feelings but when I try and pull close, they shove me away constantly and disrespect me till I'm crying for days, so yeah, I think I could.
On a similar topic, the clown friend actually called just to chat, I think. Well, she wanted me to come do work for her come to think, but then in her case that's a very nice thing to do, to call and offer work. She's in a world where that's a big gift. And the conversation was really pleasant too and didn't seem to be about teaching me to be a better person, or getting me to come save them from whatever. That was nice. I think I'm too damaged to be trusted to really assess friendship anymore, but I think I'll call her for a chat if I can avoid getting myself into too much of a head trip.
I got so sick on the weekend. Friday I think. Dan had been getting aggy all day over the router and xbox settings and setup. The more aggy he got, the more jumpy I and the animals would get. Being jumpy involves the following results: the parrot screams. the dog barks randomly. the whistle finches shout canary song at the volume of a steam whistle. My back goes into orbit on the pain and spasms. In fact it was involving my arms, shoulders, butt and thighs as well as my entire back! I'm still recovering, really. Constantly adjusting my posture from hunched, constantly lowering my shoulders and lifting my chest plate and tucking my tail bone, then it's overdone and readjust, then return to whatever I'm doing for ten seconds till I notice, from the pain, that I'm hunching again.
I think my hormones are climbing the rollercoaster too, like starting this morning. Yeah, gonna be a shitty day to interact with others, I think I'll call her now, before it's too late, and maybe try and msg my mother in law with new videos from the week so she feels attended to.