Rambling because I'm just that manic.

Now don't get me wrong,I do not think of myself as manic depressive. Just all-in on emotions.  

I've spent the day researching float homes and the last 24 hours just acting, talking and beliving the house is already mine. I just have to convince the humans of this.  

But truth, however it happens it has to come with a modest income or i'm expected tosubsist 50+ years on the money it costs to buy the house. Based on current rate of outlay.  

I mean, come on, I can't even live a whole year on this, I"m killing myself because it's too hard. The slip rental alone is nearly a thousand dollars. It does include all utilities, unmetered. Even internet I think.  

Best part is I"m giving rent to first nations, not some settler landlord. Directly paying for my place, and it's not even on the land, LOL

It's fair to say this is keeping me from being a sobbing mess on the daily. I just stay here in this world where I'm simply waiting for this to happen. 

I will pick up a lottery ticket, or maybe 6. But to be honest, I"mkind of skint already. Yesterday was pay day but today I bought dog food and exhausted most of my cash. I still need kerosene and do laundry and get aa batteries and there is only $50 ready and then I wind up jacking the credit card back up. It's why I never pay the thing down, you know?

There ARE other float homes around. More space for half the price, even onesas cheap as $150k. The location affects the selling price, even though they're moveable. I think getting your house into a marina might be part of the challenge if it's not already in one. And not all marinas are made the same.This one is the only one that won't require my car all the time just to get out of the industrial zone. That matters. It's a short walk from the main downtown strip for the north shore. SHort walk to the transit connections for everywhere. There's services and food withinwalking distance and entertainment options too. Such as the 21st century has, that is. Let's face it, it's not like last century. 

Oh I did notice commercial drive has a bowling alley. That's interesting.  

As to neighborhoods this latteris also attractive to me, but the other thing about Floatilla that really chuffs me is she's always going to be clean. No animals will crawl or chew or dig their way in. Wasps in the eaves maybe.

It's hard to say if I could find a roach free home on land anywhere, especially lower mainland. North shore, it's dicey. Also, remember, rentis $1500 for a nasty dive and goes up. The house, once bought, is $952 (or more I dunno) around a grand,and that's the most expensive moorage around. yes, I think they are, and I think they jacked up the fees recently along with the big renovation and eviction of everyoe paying month to month or jut storing there. 

Thre was a big ruckus, people claiming they were clearing liveaboards in favour of houses but in fact it's the non-liveaboards and they did it to clear space so they could deal with bad docks. tha'ts their story and it makes sense and appears to be exactly how it all went down.

The other houses I saw were kind of scary in that "so old it must be toxic with mold by now" kind of way. 70s interiors. Styrofoam or wood floats. Basically nearing end of life and someone's going to sink.

Now Floatilla's birthday isn't listed, just that she was "partly renovated in 2018" but I believe she has a proper foam core concrete base and I see she is nicely clad all in steel with good looking insides. Also far easier to clean with no carpeting at all. The others are all wall to wall carpeting in that old 70s way. Just gag me with a spoon, man, it's so gross, like barf me right out, ech.

Also, Fraser river is a food desert zone requiring driving to get out and get anywhere. there appears to besome small enterprises around but nothing that's going to spare you motoring around ocnstantly. The view too is so riverine it feels like saskatchewan. I want sea water. Cormorants. Fog horns and waves lapping. If i had my druthers I'd be on the outer most ring but they haven't got connections that far out for a house. But you get the point. Gimme that far out in the middle of space feeling.

Honestly, not chuffed about the view as it is. Kind of ugly. Rocks lining a weedy jetty topped with some kind of path and rail system for moving unknown items out to a ruined wharf covered in junk. Fenced off. If I look to one side, it's the wall of a house and more of that jetty and the tops of buildings and trees. Possibly the tops of mountains, not sure. Seems too low to the plane of view. Then the other side where a view might be found, it's cluttered with boats, barges and the yacht club boat houses a kilometer further. IF I put a roof top catwalk, maybe I could sit up there in a chair and admire a view. Maybe. It's a damn short little house.

However, I can walk a short distance , very short, and enjoy the view all I want. I can do this all year round because it hardly gets too cold. 

I did have a vision from next year which thrilled me and gave me such peace. Me, seeing show plop and platt into the water and onto the covered docks and flutter down through my windows. Fire in the stove crackling, and christmas lights twinkling with an actual tall (artificial, always) tree. the whole house glowed golden red and we had good food to eat.

I just keep reiterating. Magic cares about me and will save me or I'm not worth saving and life isn't worth living.

How's the diet? Hadda ask, eh?

Not as good as I want. Not failing.

My weight is approaching 120 now, be there by monday. that's a 30lb loss in 5 wks.

I ate chicken tuesday. Too much, as it happens. One breast off a rotisserie chicken. Got pretty nauseous but digested it. Hasn't come out. Nothing has, actually, so that's worrisome. then on the way to the licorice store I went to the chocolate store. To cure my rubber legs as I needed them to carry me a while. 

the ride to the licorice store was a blast, everyone liked my knitting and clothes and I got more attention than I wanted but all friendly. So yeah, the chocolate was a bit much, I think I ate close to my resting calorie amount between the chocolates and the candy I bought with the licorice sticks. I did, I ate my day's calories that day. Today was better. Had a pickled egg and a smaller chocolate, and the other usual things, and sadly more licorice candy.  

I'm not as hungry but pretty sure I'm eating less than putting out. So that's good. I will do better tomorrow. Have to, can't afford more and ate it all. So it's a battle between anorexia and giving in to temptation that's getting harder as my body starts to get alarmed at the weight loss.

it will still work. It's like quitting a vice, you have setbacks but keep practicing and get better. Anyway, the way I fet the furst week? I thought I might die in days if I kept that up. So come march, if I am still daydreaming, I will feel upset enough to actually go dry. The foods I do eat are for good reason and make the fasting far harder. If my goal is quixk expiring, especially when dangerously thin, it will be easier than this careful walk down. 

But Flotilla wouldn't work for someone with serious medical needs, better not get put on dialysis or in a wheel chair. No dogs then. 

 That would also put me off my food.