minecraft thoughts, probably racist, followed by more whining.

I was thinking about the base goals of minecraft.  How the game encourages settler and raider behaviour.  The same sort of thing the europeans did to the whole world.  Go in, steal whatever you want, use the resources, tie them up, build stuff, imprison the locals, kill anyone who dares resist, lock up all the wildlife and cover the land with lines and buildings and farms and things. 

It kind of bugs me, really. 

But then minecraft is also such a sandbox that one doesn't have to play it that way. And that's when I sat and wondered, what would a Cree or Dakota do? the Assinaboine?  What would First Nations people do with this game?  How would they play it?  Do they play it?  I mean, they don't seem to be that into video games, they've got social lives and families and they do stuff together. For one of them to become such a closeted gamer nerd as to become a youtuber, and you need to Git Gud before you get there, so yes, you need to spend all your time closeted up in your room with a monitor's glow.  Well for that to happen to an indian would imply he grew up entirely immersed in white culture.  You'd have to get a group of them in a room at a LAN party and set them loose in a minecraft world to see how they'd play.  Would they play it differently?  How would they regard the NPC villagers, white guys in houses on the otherwise free land?  Raid and run? Trade and build? Kill and burn to free the land? 

See what I mean?  It's interesting to see if you could get folks who lived rural all their lives in a First Nations community to play this game it would be hilarious and I am sure they'd be quite different in their approach.  It would make a great youtube channel too, heh.  If I only had the social skills and self confidence. And the equipment. And the fuel money. And the contacts.  Well that I could actually make happen.  But not the video capture of the game or the sufficient equipment for a lan party.  I could actually set it up if I did, and I think I could probably talk one lovely family into it. They like fun, they'd go along with it. I could make there in a summer fun road trip, it's up by kenora way.

Well the money isn't there, and if it was, the gubbmint would take it away for XYZ reasons.  

Oh hell, secret blog, here's the shizzle.  I was named CEO of a company employing Dan to do flooring through the stores.  Hence, I am responsible for the unpaid tax debt.  Any time the subject came up, Dan went super hostile and wouldn't shut up long enough to be argued with. I was dead sick anyway and pretty sure I was dying so what did I care? Well now I'm alive and it's 2/3 on me. He owes only his personal income tax while I owe GST, business tax, and personal income tax.  And what's more, I"m shocked at the size of the amount given how hand to mouth or loaded onto debt those years really were. What was going on? there wasn't any accounting done. I can go back through deposits but that's about it and I'm just sick and tired of caring about it. 

But what it means is I can't hope to clear myself of debt. I can't sell my house and buy elsewhere. I can't borrow or recieve large grants. Even if UBI starts Ican't receive it until the debt is paid. 

It's small by average standards, really.  Counting everything against my name, loans included, it's still less than a quarter million, and about average for canada, but for someone of my means, it's a hopeless burial. I mean, if Ihad a proper job with a proper income I could budget my way out of it.  How I would accomplish that is quite beyond my ken, however. It's a dozen times a day I find myself doing something medical self care and thinking "how would I ever manage this at a work place?  who would ever put up with this? How could I possibly get the privacy I need?"  And that's aside from "what kind of work could I do with my lack of experience and poor physical abilities?"

But seriously, it's quite impossible. 

yep, I know, it was interesting until I started explaining to myself why I can't do this groovy project. 

you see, this is why I'm still focusing on my textiles. I'm really forcing myself some days, but I am taking it as my lifeline. It's a thing I can do, alone at home, that few people do. Well not few enough for my liking, but there's niches available?  It's just not lucrative enough, and that's frustrating beyond measure.

Oh and wanted to update vs a vis my chest surgery, there's a quarter inch hole into my flesh gently leaking blood now after yesterday's horror show. It's not infected but was yawning open horribly so I tacked and taped and strapped and padded and I'm hoping I can keep the damn hole shut to heal. It hurts and I guess it's a whole month of difficulty?  I don't know. I'm stressed that I can't go see a dr. about it in a timely manner but the system is too broken and I actually can't. If it can wait long enough for an appointment it doesn't need one. 

Well I'm not supposed to reach over my head, see, but 65% of my world is above my head.  I dunno, maybe I should try on my old drywall stilts?  LOL if I had ever gotten any practice on them maybe.  I got them shortly before my health went downhill fast and I was never able to actually work in them.

I could still paint, you know, if there was someone dealing with the paint cans and tool boxes. I could work with a team if there was one who were not assholes.  I just never met a house painter who wasn't a complete dick. Women included. They drive the work like it's a race to the death and you better die trying or you're not worth spit. Ableism much?

Yet I have really worthy skills. and no way to prove it.

Well it's another month of waiting to heal for me and another month of frustration and probably snow, it's taking it's sweet time melting and it's pretty deep. My yard is always slow to melt and slow to freeze. The spruce trees cut a lot of wind.

If they take my house, they'll chop all the trees down, they always do. Especially mature spruce. Nobody loves mature spruce. They kill the lawn and shade the garden.  Priorities. Me? I don't value the lawn and garden as much as the trees and all that they bring. They're habitat in themselves for a variety of small creatures. They shelter my house and my yard like heroes. they're still strong and healthy and show no signs of weakness. They work together like a tiny forest to help each other be strong. together, they are a wall against the west winds. The prevailing winds.  The space under neath hasn't any real purpose anyway except sight lines for drivers, so let the trees dominate it!  I don't happen to think the podzil is ugly either, although I do keep it wet and rake the acorns up to prevent fire.  I fought to grow a lawn for a very long time and tried everything short of killing the trees.  It's just stupid to try. If Ican't afford artificial turf then podzil it is.  Podzel? Podsel? that minecraft word for the needly mossy mess under the spruce trees.  Mine's not mossy, mind you. Maybe I should look into that.  Bring some moss back from a camping trip? I like the idea, actually.  Imagine if I could replicate the mossy floor of a northern spruce forest instead of a lawn? that's more fun to think about than my problems.