feeling pretty freaked out

Real estate agent tells me my place will only sell for 50k????  
Ok, so Ihave a 70k mortgage and a 75k tax bill.  So that would mean I still couldn't use banks or recieve disbursments or payments. And I would still owe national bank 10k. Which I wouldn't pay of course.
But it's got me so out of twist I can't focus or settle. How did things go this sideways on me? why despite my efforts have I gotten here?
Well so the current plan is to sell everything and move into the bus and hit the coast and pray. Work cash jobs and barter and take it from there. 
But why must I live at all?  I don't want to. I don't like it. Nobody needs or likes me.  I have no value or use to anyone, nor even myself, it would seem.  All I'm here for is to suffer? What's the value in that?  Who gets value?
You know, every time I eat something I feel paranoid like someone is watching and going to punish me for having something. Eating anything other than dry bread and water? Smiling over something? Enjoying something?  NOT ALLOWED!  I know that it's in my head.  I know that as a scapegoat I will see persecution more brightly.  But friends, I really don't think I'm getting fair treatment. 
Neither are the children being raped, of course.
Well I was interrupted by a phone call, there will be a more experienced agent come by monday to sit down and talk it out with me. Either way, it has to happen. I'll be glad to be unsaddled from property though.  It's not security and it's fucking expensive and you get to handle the same asshole neighbors forever and someone's always bitching about the property upkeep. 
But damn I wish Icould just calm down.  
I want to smoke weed but need to stay clean so I can drive the amp to the purchaser after 6.  I presume he gets off at 6. He wants to buy it.  The stores won't buy something that old.
He offered to buy my car, would probably give me 3-4k for it, but I genuinely don't want to sell it and if I change my mind, I'm sure there'll be a buyer, she's sweet.  It would suck, because she's a big part of my plans but I still don't know how to get the back cut open!  ok, well back to trying to embroider, it's been really hard to focus enough but I need to get the work done and sent.

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