Evil days have fallen.

Ah, well, let's "chat." 

I woke up and checked my balance to see if my disability allowance had dropped.  I wasn't going to be able to do much but I did want to pay the electric bill.

I was met with 0.00.  Not even my buffer amount left. zip.  nada.

Like that.  Listen, they got a whole file on me and my troubles and they're taking my disabled allowance. You think they don't know what they're doing?

So today, in addition to seeing the doctor for antibiotics for my persistent infection, I've called a real estate agent and cancelled as much of the automatic debits as I am able. All the insurance, and I had enough cash to pay for my car, so I did that, it's good for a month.

I don't know what happens.  I don't know how long I have. I don't know how much I'll have left from the sale of the house to do anything with.  I am likely going to be able to finish the back end of the bus and get it a hitch so I can keep the car and trailer and bus and anything that fits inside them. That's the current plan, and try to sell things to keep going.  If I round up all the extra TVS maybe they'll give me enough to cover the mortgage and Ican take it in and pay it in person before it's due out. Maybe welfare will pay my utilities directly for me.   I've contacted them about the situation and also have reached out to disability advocates.  I actually had no idea there was anyone on my side, but they specifically handle autistics, cptsd, adhd and fasd! Like minus the latter, that's me!  Maybe the government will have to return the funds and leave me alone? Well I think there's things I need to do tomorrow but I'm so damn tired I can't think about it.  I will be collecting any electronics things around here that I can take to a pawn shop and see what I can get. I will also scan my other things but frankly I already did a  whole sell off two years ago and there's squat left of value except a few extra shitty tvs. I'll go through Dan's things too and sell some of that, like his fucking electric guitar and amp. Screw him, he would shove that in the shed and let the auctioneers have it anyway. That can go down to the music shop. So that's what I'll be doing for the next ten days, really, scanning, packing, selling, best I can, what I can. I haven't had any luck with online ads, nobody seems to be buying anything and the online prices are nasty, but I can probably get a couple hundred for the spare dressers, anyway.  I'm thinking the rosewood dresser.

Then of course once I'm situated in the bus, I can sell the appliances too, because, well, why not?  I can't put them in the bus. They're going to knock this house down because it can't be rented without significant investment and that may as well be spent on developing the lot. What I don't take goes to the dump. I will have to hold a yard sale but I actually could set it up in the back allowing me to escape periodically for a piss, and in fact I could piss in the back of the bus and continue watching the sale.  I need to pee, actually.  Stress does that.  So much adrenaline, it's like drinking coffee all day.

It's happening. The first dominoe has been flicked.  My job now is to soften the blow as much as I can and try to come out of it with shelter.  

also, there's some pretty cheap apartments at $600 a month with just a half month's rent for deposit.  you know those guys don't require a credit history. they allow pets too.  I could, theoretically, move in this month if I had the $$.  Here's the thing, my car would get hurt very quickly in that neighborhood, so it needs a safe place to be parked. My bus would need to be sold or stored. I wouldn't recieve disability because I'd have the money remaining from the sale.  this would then have to be either invested in making a nomadic home and stock up on ostomy supplies and book it for the ocean.  or it would be used up in a year of ordinary living expenses at welfare standards.

and Istill don't really know what I'll be left with. There's one place, house needing repair but way bigger than mine with a bigger lot, only $185, which after fees and whatnot would only leave me 25k. Not much Ican do with that. Live on it really poorly in a neighborhood where they're breaking in and threatening and stealing on the regular until there's nothing left.

Naw, man, they'll break my ride and I'll be really screwed, I should do the bus thing.  If Ican get the back done cheaply enough, it might make it possible to emigrate to BC and get a fake street address for disability?  I don't know what that takes in BC but they sure won't be happy to see me show up, I know that. But the bus life might be cheap enough to let me afford to live like that with sales of sweaters and knick knacks.  

I still have my skills, eh?  I still work my ass off, you know?

Yeah, that's a better reach than life in the ghetto in canada's murder capital.  I really hate this place.  I don't want to live where anyone remembers me either.  I never want to hear my dead name used at me nor have to explain my history because a gossip has already gotten the topic going.  I don't know what Dan will do, but I wouldn't be surprised if he sells the truck and follows me in his van.