Not an artist after al

So I decided yesterday that I didn't want to go on sitting on Broadway trying to sell my stuff.  Too many people look at me like I'm dirt and not enough sales.  I said "if the weather is crap and I don't go I'll unpack my stuff.  If I go and don't sell, that's the last time."  So the weather is crap and I unpack, but it's bitter and sad.  I am glad to keep the boxes, I love them so, but there's hundreds of dollars of paint and supplies and I love the painting, yet there's no outlet for my work.  So what do I paint that I can keep and use?  Cluttering up the house with shelves of pretty little things isn't that wise.  Frustrating.  I'm giving one box to Tom today.  I will offer him to choose another one or two if he likes, since there's nobody else to give them to.  I know he actually likes them and that's what I want, for them to be appreciated.  If it had been about the money they'd have been priced triple what they were.
How do I fight cynicism with these experiences?

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