Ohhh, that's why I was denying it

 One of the happy things for me was that I loved and idolized my father.  That was a happy thing, a rock in my mind, a safe space.  Father's love, daddy's girl, my dad was amazing, etc.  

But he wasn't perfect, for all he insisted he was.

I forgive him, did he or didn't he get sexual, I don't know, there's no memories even now of anything improper.

But now when I see "daddy's girl" and "daddy loves you" on things out there, I'm sad.

Goddamnit, another trigger. Another thing to be sad about. How in hell do I go another fifty years in this head?  Memories don't erase. Knowlege doesn't go away. How do I just relax and be happy if everything I see, think or do reminds me of something sad?  I already accept that I have to keep apart from others for being too negative, but this? Am I never to be content and at peace, or even happy, ever again?

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