now my heart?
So I'm worried about my heart now. I've been worried about it all winter, really. Whenever I get overtired or overworked, I get pain over it and shortness of breath.
I wonder then, am I supposed to be calling 911 or not? The websites say yes. Experience says no. What experience? The experience of being patronized, minimized, then dismissed untreated, untested, unattended. But I've got the symptoms. neck pain. chest pain. Sore arm muscles, shortness of breath. weakness. I wouldn't say I'm dizzy but neither would I stand up quickly right now. Denial is listed as a symptom, LOL.
So I've told Dan he must ask them to test my heart too. I'm so very very at risk right now. He is just so hard to yank into reality, though. Anything that makes him feel bad is waved off like bugs buzzing till it grabs him by the balls and won't let go. That level of neglect is not going to heal me. He thinks it's a life strategy for happiness! he got the "one day at a time" message from AA a little too well I'd say.
So I was researching, trying to figure out what else it could be, is it always serious, is there any other possibility, and learned about microvascular disease and angina, which is not lethal. There it said a TENS machine was a good primary treatment device, as the electric stimulation would go through to the heart and promote better blood circulation, thus fixing the low flow problem. So I just did a ten minute session. it hurts less. If I'm having problems in the morning, after Dan's gone to work I can take myself to the doctor? Yes, it's not that far a walk from the bank parking lot, and if I'm actually having a heart attack, the exercise will improve my chances of being taken seriously when I walk in and say I think i'm having a heart attack. LOL, the very idea of being taken seriously while walking in. This is why women's health is neglected and many women don't get the treatment for heart disease they need. they know better than to ask. Or they just don't trust after a lifetime of dismissive treatment. It's really hard on the self esteem to be treated that way. Easier to stay home and pray you don't die, then put it behind you if you don't.
Dan got all mad at me again. I understand that the way I was talking was too careless and open. I can't help that. Besides, there is no careful way to bring up complaints and his failure to deal with the taxes is getting to me. It's beyond time and he's not doing and yet he's got so much on his plate.
I'm so frustrated that I can't get him to work a list and get things done now, not when it doesn't feel bad to think about it. He blew up at me, predictably, and the terror of facing the next week without his kindness had me refusing to give him his space. But I always come away thinking maybe he'll hate me enough this time to give up on me. I don't know. If he did, it wouldn't matter I guess.
He saw me crying and came over to comfort me, so it's okay today.
I wonder then, am I supposed to be calling 911 or not? The websites say yes. Experience says no. What experience? The experience of being patronized, minimized, then dismissed untreated, untested, unattended. But I've got the symptoms. neck pain. chest pain. Sore arm muscles, shortness of breath. weakness. I wouldn't say I'm dizzy but neither would I stand up quickly right now. Denial is listed as a symptom, LOL.
So I've told Dan he must ask them to test my heart too. I'm so very very at risk right now. He is just so hard to yank into reality, though. Anything that makes him feel bad is waved off like bugs buzzing till it grabs him by the balls and won't let go. That level of neglect is not going to heal me. He thinks it's a life strategy for happiness! he got the "one day at a time" message from AA a little too well I'd say.
So I was researching, trying to figure out what else it could be, is it always serious, is there any other possibility, and learned about microvascular disease and angina, which is not lethal. There it said a TENS machine was a good primary treatment device, as the electric stimulation would go through to the heart and promote better blood circulation, thus fixing the low flow problem. So I just did a ten minute session. it hurts less. If I'm having problems in the morning, after Dan's gone to work I can take myself to the doctor? Yes, it's not that far a walk from the bank parking lot, and if I'm actually having a heart attack, the exercise will improve my chances of being taken seriously when I walk in and say I think i'm having a heart attack. LOL, the very idea of being taken seriously while walking in. This is why women's health is neglected and many women don't get the treatment for heart disease they need. they know better than to ask. Or they just don't trust after a lifetime of dismissive treatment. It's really hard on the self esteem to be treated that way. Easier to stay home and pray you don't die, then put it behind you if you don't.
Dan got all mad at me again. I understand that the way I was talking was too careless and open. I can't help that. Besides, there is no careful way to bring up complaints and his failure to deal with the taxes is getting to me. It's beyond time and he's not doing and yet he's got so much on his plate.
I'm so frustrated that I can't get him to work a list and get things done now, not when it doesn't feel bad to think about it. He blew up at me, predictably, and the terror of facing the next week without his kindness had me refusing to give him his space. But I always come away thinking maybe he'll hate me enough this time to give up on me. I don't know. If he did, it wouldn't matter I guess.
He saw me crying and came over to comfort me, so it's okay today.