feeling bitter
Wrote a bitter post on facebook about people who tell you they love you then neglect you even when the neglect has reached a point that it's actually killing you.
All this last year I did try and tell people I was sick, but they acted like it was probably trivial and I was playing it up for attention.
My entire life I've been assumed to be playing it up for attention, and therefor given absolutely none. Apparently I'm not worthy of even that which I get by accident. Well, you keep what you take care of. You lose what you don't. That includes people.
So who loves me? Who's here helping me deal with houseplants that need care? Getting things going in the garden? Helping Dan with housework? I need my sheets changed, but nobody will do that, so they stink. I will just have to work up the energy myself, however long it takes, when I work up the courage. Today I actually have been up all morning and even did the dishes. I think the lack of chit chat helps me have more energy for doing.
Iris is going to take me for the mammogram today. I try not to think too hard about it. About an hour or so I guess, so I suppose I should decide what I'll wear. I don't need a bra anymore, if I had any that fit my current cup size. What, triple a minus? LOL. The flaps. Cancerous or not, they should go too. eliminate that source, since it's a high risk and they'll have me under. I don't know if they can or would do that much more surgery. We're already talking a lot of trauma with the colon and vagina having to go.
I did mention that? I don't know and I won't go check. I bathe every other day right now, sometimes daily if my back hurts enough. It helps with my back and makes me feel better besides to be clean. I clean out the inside of my vagina as part of the process, it's just a few swipes of a finger, nothing elaborate. There, just inside, almost on the outside, is a new tag of flesh. Exactly the sort that you would take to a doctor in fear of cancer. Within four inches of the current tumour. So it's spread to another organ nearby. I told and Dan is going to try and get through to some doctors today. He was doing something on it this morning, but it seems to have consisted only of adding a printer app on his phone and printing off some text onto paper. Why? I dunno. Whatever.
Ok, take dog out, hit the couch for a short nap, then pick out clothes.
All this last year I did try and tell people I was sick, but they acted like it was probably trivial and I was playing it up for attention.
My entire life I've been assumed to be playing it up for attention, and therefor given absolutely none. Apparently I'm not worthy of even that which I get by accident. Well, you keep what you take care of. You lose what you don't. That includes people.
So who loves me? Who's here helping me deal with houseplants that need care? Getting things going in the garden? Helping Dan with housework? I need my sheets changed, but nobody will do that, so they stink. I will just have to work up the energy myself, however long it takes, when I work up the courage. Today I actually have been up all morning and even did the dishes. I think the lack of chit chat helps me have more energy for doing.
Iris is going to take me for the mammogram today. I try not to think too hard about it. About an hour or so I guess, so I suppose I should decide what I'll wear. I don't need a bra anymore, if I had any that fit my current cup size. What, triple a minus? LOL. The flaps. Cancerous or not, they should go too. eliminate that source, since it's a high risk and they'll have me under. I don't know if they can or would do that much more surgery. We're already talking a lot of trauma with the colon and vagina having to go.
I did mention that? I don't know and I won't go check. I bathe every other day right now, sometimes daily if my back hurts enough. It helps with my back and makes me feel better besides to be clean. I clean out the inside of my vagina as part of the process, it's just a few swipes of a finger, nothing elaborate. There, just inside, almost on the outside, is a new tag of flesh. Exactly the sort that you would take to a doctor in fear of cancer. Within four inches of the current tumour. So it's spread to another organ nearby. I told and Dan is going to try and get through to some doctors today. He was doing something on it this morning, but it seems to have consisted only of adding a printer app on his phone and printing off some text onto paper. Why? I dunno. Whatever.
Ok, take dog out, hit the couch for a short nap, then pick out clothes.