why do they hate me stil?

I gave my friend a present.  I tried to find the simplest, nicest thing I could to serve the need I was trying to fulfill.  I put thought and money into it, if not time.  But I was accused of choosing a present that would deliberately belittle him, he did not thank me for the present and punished me by complaining about it.
I've had this happen before too.  I spend my time choosing something, picturing them smiling and beaming with joy and how good it will feel to see someone I care about smiling.  then the smile is denied me and nasty intentions are tagged to my gift. I'm giving so they feel bad about what they do or don't give me.  I'm giving so they feel bad about who they are.  i'm giving so they feel obligated to adopt me.  I'm giving for some heinous reason or other.  It's making generosity really hard on me!
I try to be bigger than myself.  I try to step outside my own wants and feelings and give.  Then these things happen and I wonder, am I delusional?  Are all these people reading me right and I"m doing these nasty things to them while imagining up a fantasy world in which I have the best intentions?  It's so hard to know who I am when the person I think I'm forcing myself to be is invisible and I'm being percieved as the kind of person from whom I flee, and by whom I'm frequently victimized. It makes being generous and kind fraught with anxiety anymore. And nobody is here to hold me or tell me nice things to make me feel better about myself or trust myself.  Which doesn't help my confusion and self doubt in the least.
So Dan came up and found me sobbing and actually made an effort to comfort me.
That's refreshing.  It is more comforting than the moment, too, because I can remember the gift of it.  He says it's incorrect to think I'm so delusional I could be a nasty person while overlaying positive intentions on my nasty acts to convince myself I'm okay.
He's right, but I still don't feel completely confident.  I have been told often enough "if the whole world says it's you, it's you."

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