catching up on my empty life
I guess I'm successfully distracting myself from things. Actually, Dan suggested I might be low on iron when I was complaining about my state. I started taking iron and Voila, I was feeling better. I also started adding the daily vitamin pill because clearly I'm not doing enough dietetically. I know that too. But it gets cumulative. You get to feeling so well you cheat more and more. Then a few bad days and you don't have the energy to fix healthy food so the cheat leftovers keep coming till you're screwed for mood as well as energy!
I've spent a lot of time wishing I had someone nurturing in my life. It upsets me a bit. I feel so un-cared for I even am questioning when I see stuff about respecting people's emotional pain. I start feeling like I don't understand why they are expressing concern for the feelings of strangers. I've become so convinced that one's emotions and ego are things to be stamped out of existence that when I run into other viewpoints I can't cope with it.
I've been spending my time, or wasting it, mostly, doing minecraft and housework. Alternating between the two. Tom comes by once or twice a week. My life is so narrow and dull it feels oppressive and lonely and sad. I just don't know how to fix it. I've tried multiple times to reach out to the disability assistance community only to be treated like a malingerer making stuff up. Around here if you're not showing physical disability in some way it doesn't count. Being unable to help crying when you're stressed is not a physical disability, it's just faking to try harder to get what you're not entitled to.
So I gave up on that. Thank the goddess for Dan.
Dan finally built me a laundry stand. I didn't expect it and it's been two seasons since I had to resort to using a ladder instead. I would still stand on the platform but the stairs were shot and the platform getting soft on the corners!
Now I have a nice big sturdy platform of good deck lumber with hooks and stuff all set up for ideal water hose use. the roller for the hose is better oriented for garden use too.
In minecraft I've been doing mega builds for civilizing the place. I just prefer building to fighting or struggling I guess. I keep setting up for ideal survival play but keep playing creative and peaceful. I'm getting tired of it though. It's not really that fun to create things nobody ever sees. Like my paintings. Nobody cares. How do I keep caring about anything when it's of no use to anyone? That includes me. My use to Dan and the animals is about it and the man is very short on comfort or praise. He treats praise like it's poison for the character. He's also utterly disinterested in my interests. I thought he'd like playing minecraft but he can't stand sharing the same monitor, whether we go split screen or 3d split. he says the 3d split gives him a headache.
Maybe when I get a new PC I can join the PC minecraft community and play with people. That keeps getting put off as we face yet more expenses from doggy dental care to worn out parts on the smart car. I am getting to hate this ipad that I once loved. It's just too slow. I had an old trick when the net was slow, I'd open extra sites in tabs and let them load while I read the first. Not only does the ipad not load off-screen tabs, it reloads all tabs every time you return to them, from the server. So it does you zero use to open multiple tabs except to keep track of them for a few days, or fetch them on a PC via the chrome sync option.
But my PC is actually worse than my ipad for speed and usefulness. Sort of . Well I guess they're on a level but the ipad is significantly smaller, lighter, easier to put away, quieter, cooler, and the keyboard is closer to the table.
I want my surface pro. But at $2k+ it's just waiting and waiting and waiting.
Where will we ever find the 20k for a trailer to build our new house upon?
I've spent a lot of time wishing I had someone nurturing in my life. It upsets me a bit. I feel so un-cared for I even am questioning when I see stuff about respecting people's emotional pain. I start feeling like I don't understand why they are expressing concern for the feelings of strangers. I've become so convinced that one's emotions and ego are things to be stamped out of existence that when I run into other viewpoints I can't cope with it.
I've been spending my time, or wasting it, mostly, doing minecraft and housework. Alternating between the two. Tom comes by once or twice a week. My life is so narrow and dull it feels oppressive and lonely and sad. I just don't know how to fix it. I've tried multiple times to reach out to the disability assistance community only to be treated like a malingerer making stuff up. Around here if you're not showing physical disability in some way it doesn't count. Being unable to help crying when you're stressed is not a physical disability, it's just faking to try harder to get what you're not entitled to.
So I gave up on that. Thank the goddess for Dan.
Dan finally built me a laundry stand. I didn't expect it and it's been two seasons since I had to resort to using a ladder instead. I would still stand on the platform but the stairs were shot and the platform getting soft on the corners!
Now I have a nice big sturdy platform of good deck lumber with hooks and stuff all set up for ideal water hose use. the roller for the hose is better oriented for garden use too.
In minecraft I've been doing mega builds for civilizing the place. I just prefer building to fighting or struggling I guess. I keep setting up for ideal survival play but keep playing creative and peaceful. I'm getting tired of it though. It's not really that fun to create things nobody ever sees. Like my paintings. Nobody cares. How do I keep caring about anything when it's of no use to anyone? That includes me. My use to Dan and the animals is about it and the man is very short on comfort or praise. He treats praise like it's poison for the character. He's also utterly disinterested in my interests. I thought he'd like playing minecraft but he can't stand sharing the same monitor, whether we go split screen or 3d split. he says the 3d split gives him a headache.
Maybe when I get a new PC I can join the PC minecraft community and play with people. That keeps getting put off as we face yet more expenses from doggy dental care to worn out parts on the smart car. I am getting to hate this ipad that I once loved. It's just too slow. I had an old trick when the net was slow, I'd open extra sites in tabs and let them load while I read the first. Not only does the ipad not load off-screen tabs, it reloads all tabs every time you return to them, from the server. So it does you zero use to open multiple tabs except to keep track of them for a few days, or fetch them on a PC via the chrome sync option.
But my PC is actually worse than my ipad for speed and usefulness. Sort of . Well I guess they're on a level but the ipad is significantly smaller, lighter, easier to put away, quieter, cooler, and the keyboard is closer to the table.
I want my surface pro. But at $2k+ it's just waiting and waiting and waiting.
Where will we ever find the 20k for a trailer to build our new house upon?