Gay Bree Ola

 Gabriola island.  We are here.  It's exactly as difficult as it seems it would be and I'm not surprised about it.  But I am distressed and discouraged.  If not here, where can I go?  

We arrived last night. The facebook responses were very positive but now I'm thinking it's more of that canadian hypocrisy. They don't want to seem intolerant and self centered. But a lot of canadians are very much so.  They just know the right phrases to pretend otherwise.

As with everywhere in Canada, homeless people are not allowed to exist.  We aren't allowed to sleep in a vehicle or on the street or in a park or doorway, we aren't allowed to exist.  But we do.  So we get hassled for it.

I haven't been hassled here yet, but neither has anyone given us useable advice on where we can go. Well, the stupid provincial park where I can pay for the privilege of parking in the darkness doing fuck all.  Too many trees.

We got chased around nanaimo already.  We tried a park already. Maps are just confusing and everything is hidden by the trees or out of date because this island doesn't get updated.  Heck, the internet is so bad I didn't open a blogger window, just typing in a text file to copy paste later, maybe.

I feel cold, dirty, and tired, and distracted and lonely as hell.  Not "gee I wish I had someone to talk to" lonely, but "gee, I wish I had a place to be and a community" lonely.  

One lady stressed at us that this island has a high amount of mental health issues.  yeah, sure, I bet.  Maybe, but maybe not, eh?

it's the latest buzz phrase for "I don't like them."  

I don't want to devolve into negativity but it's so hard and I feel so discouraged. I want to think they'll come around soon.  But let's face it, if nothing happens soon, we may have to leave just to try and find a logging road to rest on.

It's so hard to imagine that anything better will come, someonetimes, that this isn't just the slow slide into gutter dwelling.  Sometimes I think I should just walk out into the sea, or go lay down on the sidewalk in vancouver and surrender to futility. 

Oh well. We are going to try a place with some beaches, see if the parking area is unenforced and lets us sleep.  

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