talking about my day as if someone was here to hear it.
Dan was by again as he usually is but I spent it at the truckstop laundry while he sat with the dogs. Which they seem to have really enjoyed. So this means I didn't unload as much on him as usual. Which it turns out, I feel the desire to talk over my day, as if to make it more real. But then, I don't have to tell a human and I guess it's not for conversation, just that it feels like nothing done out loud to the dogs.
Well ok. Lemme see. Yesterday, the shyster. Yeah, told you about him. Well he showed up this morning while I slept and left a rusty prop sword, quite a nice excalibur copy, a filthy kettle I don't want, some half dead batteries, and a collapsible bucket. Oh and a digital multimeter. Which I gave to dan. And a plant. Dracanea, the rose edged leaves. I don't know how well it will do in the bus but I gave it a better pot and more dirt and stuck it by the window. I should find out what light it prefers. Come to think, my prayer plant and fern will not thank me tomorrow if I leave them in the east windows where the sun shines full and hot till noon. Currently I'm facing south and it's really the least heating of all.
When I did the solar panels, they kind of face in a variety of directions since I couldn't set them up as originally envisioned. I may yet, or maybe on another bus?
Ok, back to today.
Yeah, so I woke up to this weird stuff by my bus. Later when I was at the truckstop taking a piss, he left some more junk here, another bucket, a stupid filthy kettle and stained teaspoon and a looneytoons dvd. I threw out the disk, I can't be arsed to take it out of the package and stick it in my collection (yet). It's sitting in the wastebasket at my feet so I guess I might yet. But I don't know how to react to this if he shows up. I want to be nice about it. I want to pretend it isn't effing irritating having to throw out his junk for him. But I also want him to stop now. Because this last offering was icky.
But then, what's up with this guy? Why is he dropping off crap? Will he drop off that cherry generator he wouldn't sell to Dan? Is he gay and I"m attractive? No, he's a straight guy, so even if he is gay, he doesn't know it. LOL
Just he threw in way too much praise and compliments to just be a nice person. Oh well, lonely and in pain is definitely the primary character trait and that can make a person really act weird. See, I don't push people away just for being messed up. I push them away for betraying my trust. Period. That's the only crime you can commit on me. You may steal, that betrays my trust. You may take action that harms me, that betrays my trust. Lie to me? Meh, it's just blah blah blah anyway, right? Unless it causes me harm, I can roll.
Why am I not more choosy?
Well not because I'm afraid of being alone. Nor desperate for approval. I do definitely seek and enjoy it, but I don't see that as the reason. In my head, the reason is compassion and love. Simple as that. I don't have the human RIGHT to do to others what has so often been done to me. It's damn cruel. So what if you're dirty or ugly or spastic or whatever, if you're kind and respectful with me, so am I with you, and we have some community.
Met a transwoman last night out with her dog, Chester. Chester is this massive beast she says is part doberman and part shepherd. But far as I can see, he's all meat. You take Chester seriously. If you are respectful enough, he'll start body slamming you a little, LOL Next morning, this morning, when I got back from my bike tour which I must include in this blog, she was walking her dog behind my bus again. It's a popular spot. So I stopped to chat. Finally clued her in that I was also trans and she relaxed so nicely. She told me she was married, talked about her past in the red cross in chechnya, and her transition, and it was really nice. Abigail. She's German Canadian from Manitoba. I quite enjoyed being convivial. I seemed able to avoid giving offence. But then I don't with europeans, perhaps my parents taught me european manners and it's part of my issue in canada? Well she's a trucker and off on another long haul.
The bike ride.
Damn. If that don't make me stronger, nothing will. Ok, so I had a quarter mile to get to the filter shop and I passed it stupidly. Left my phone at the bus and didn't want to go back up the hill for it. That was the long bit, I thought. Then of course, the longer I spent fruitlessly hunting, the more tired I got, the less willing I was to have to return for the filter. So I asked in a few shops but was so frazzled I couldn't understand the directions and acted like a right asshole I'm sure. my legs were turning to rubber as I hunted back and forth up and down industrial district blocks that often curved back on themselves instead of connecting me down a block. I was ready to die, I felt, when I finally got my filter. And they didn't have the wrenches. And I didn't want to go out again for the wrench. So....
Add another two miles or so back and forth to the hardware store.... I'm lucky these stores are all up at this end of town. One cool thing is I discovered a hidden lake. It's one of those engineerd storm ponds, but it's huge, a speed boat was zipping around on it, and would make a gorgeous place to park overnight. I need to try it some time. All these businesses are closed overnight and parking is plentifull so nobody is likely to take issue if I stay in a place like for a couple nights. I keep wondering if the water is clean enough to heat up a tubful and take a bath, and where and how would I set up the tub for water splashy plus privacy? Move things around inside to make space? Possible... There was camera coverage of that whole block from some 3rd party cameras mounted on a pole so that cuts down on the fun. Maybe I can get to the other corner where the boat ramp was and get a decently private angle on the bus? I'm getting sore for a bath. The truckstop here charges 13.50 for a shower and I really don't like showers anyway. I've been washing in a basin, trying to be sparse with water use. I don't have a water source, just what I have with me, so water is the one thing that will force me to move whether I'm ready or not.
I did send a couple jugs with Dan, that option helps. May always be an option? Like if he's taking the van out anyway and leaving his trailer here, kind of thing. Shit, he could totes move in beside me now. But he wants to hang tough all month, I guess. I don't know.
Other things today, last night I found a cb radio antenna kit that today I fitted onto the roof. That was a challenging job. I had to disassemble half the dash to feed the new antenna wire. I managed to get everything wired in and reassembled and the radio isn't getting a signal at all or else the cb is dead quiet these days. I did have the volume up. Or I had the settings all stupid. But ok, progress was made. I also put the rest of a rotissseri chicken in a pot of water to boil, which it is doing now. I'm wondering how to manage it overnight, it boils down too fast, but I can't shove it in a fridge either. My plan is to reduce the water to concentrated brother, bake the meat and some potatoes into a meat pie, ... No, I really can't, I have to change my fuel filter. I already got it all cleaned up. I shall concentrate the broth and separate the bones, I guess, but use up the meat and broth and potatoes as a small soup for us all to eat fast. Yes. I have some potatoes in need of boiling.
Not sure about the soup overnight. Leave it cool? if it gets cool enough overnight that's a fine plan, nature's fridge, but I think it's warmer than that tonight? yeah, 11. But hey, that might be fine for a soup that has been boiling for hours and therefor has zero bugs anyway. The lid fits well enough to keep it sterile overnight. Honestly, it shouldn't spoil. I guess if it does I'll notice? I will let it boil right up to when I go to bed, which is ten minutes ago.
Oh and there's train wheels parked beside me two nights in a row now and I love it. I find train wheels quite interesting. They remind me of my freight hopping days, they are an interesting engineering solution that hasnt' been improved on yet. They're massive and precision made. All steel, and with a fine coating of rust. The way these heavy items are strapped down is also educational for one with a serious load securing problem I need a lot of creativity here.
yeah, I need to quit now. This was actually fun, thanks for listening. I did a lot of listening lately, but not so much talking.This helps immensely with that.