Grief feels so familiar?

Ffunny, but being grieved over Timmy feels so familiar.  I've cried this hard before.  He isn't gone yet, how hard will I cry returning from the vet? He took a turn for the worse friday night and has just gone downhill since.  I am certain he is dying and can't be saved.  We have an appointment for the vet tomorrow and we can have him euthanized then.  He is trying hard to care about my feelings but at the same time, dishease is ravaging him.  He can't breathe. Just pants shallowly and if it wasn't for the CBD drops, would cry constantly.  He hurts.  I've been dosing him and if I could, I would overdose him. But CBD isn't morphine and it doesn't do that.  So it helps him cope with the situation and helps cut the pain down, but he is dying and that is the hardest thing to do. and to watch. poor mite can't be comfortable now, nothing works. Too tired to sit up, can't breath laying on his chest, and it just hurts. 

It's so heart breaking.

I don't want to keep talking now. I want to try and ignore the dog and put myself to sleep with a livestream or just the tv, I don't know.

On the happy side, and ti's been a crazy weekend, the solar system is finished and I have a fridge, it looks like the system can fully support my needs without me having to restrict use.  It's a very big victory. 

Ok, well Timmy seems to be asking for something, not sure if I can do what he wants.

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