feel like giving up
I'm truly beginning to believe that "human kindness" is a myth to keep people in line and mark out who the best victims are. It really doesn't seem to matter what I do or how I do it, it only garners criticism. I have always clung to trying to hold friends, thinking I need people. I mean, they're the ones holding the resources. I don't grow a garden or farm chickens or hunt moose. If I want food and heat in the winter, other people have to let me have it for some reason. Money is the most common one, but to get money, I again have to turn to other people. Thing is, they don't generally seem to come through. Not well anyway. There's no shortage of good wishes but the actual resources are doled out with an eyedropper and that much I could get from the government. I'm so fucking tired. Tired of being nice. tired of trying. Tired of hoping. Tired of caring for a world that just doesn't reciprocate.
So what's the worst that could happen? I could find myself homeless. Whatever. the period leading up to it would involve a lot of crying but so has much of my life, eh? Yeah, so, I'm giving up for today. Tomorrow I'll just set my shoulder against the urge to change my mind. We'll see what comes after.
I'm just feeling so filled with hate anymore. I don't want to speak to people at all anymore. Not at all. I don't want to chat. I don't want to share my mind. I don't want to try and navigate their fucked up world of unspoken rules that change as soon as you try and follow them.
Like this one, don't brag about yourself, you're so conceited and arrogant. So I quit and learn to make humble remarks. then I get don't be so down on yourself. you're so negative. Fuck. Talk and I get told I talk too much. Don't talk and they ask me why I'm angry.
I do not have whatever the fuck it is humans require of me. I can't be it. I'm not it. I'm tired of trying and caring.
So what's the worst that could happen? I could find myself homeless. Whatever. the period leading up to it would involve a lot of crying but so has much of my life, eh? Yeah, so, I'm giving up for today. Tomorrow I'll just set my shoulder against the urge to change my mind. We'll see what comes after.
I'm just feeling so filled with hate anymore. I don't want to speak to people at all anymore. Not at all. I don't want to chat. I don't want to share my mind. I don't want to try and navigate their fucked up world of unspoken rules that change as soon as you try and follow them.
Like this one, don't brag about yourself, you're so conceited and arrogant. So I quit and learn to make humble remarks. then I get don't be so down on yourself. you're so negative. Fuck. Talk and I get told I talk too much. Don't talk and they ask me why I'm angry.
I do not have whatever the fuck it is humans require of me. I can't be it. I'm not it. I'm tired of trying and caring.