tiny house mods
After the birthday fiasco I realized he's not changing nor interested in changing, nor unaware what he's doing. He's very devious and won't ever admit or come be honest. I figured that out the year after we married. He's never been able to stand up and be real in the face of anything unflattering. I don't know why. I don't care anymore. I didn't want a fixer-upper in the first place and this man is killing me. His wanton destruction of my ego and peace of mind is deliberate and petty. It's nothing more than schadenfreud towards someone he simply doesn't like.
I could sit and analyze why he hates me but it's irrelevant. Love has turned to hate and it's simmering quietly and coming out in petty little jabs and aggravations. He's always neglected me and always fought me whenever the opportunity presented, as though my function was to play windmill to Don Quixote.
He's unfailingly negative and pugilistic. He stomps on anything about me that's smart, not letting me use my full vocabulary, resenting me for knowing things he doesn't, and always trying to imply that I'm stupid or clumsy or foolish when the inevitable mistakes happen.
Anyone can forget something, break something, spill something, drop something. Anyone. It's perfectly human. But for him, it's to be jumped on and a scathing dressing down is appropriate.
Of course, this means a domestic fight, screaming across the house. I have this strong emotional response, the PBA in the post above, and if you poke me, I roar.
The physical stress is making me ridiculously ill to where I've had to stop eating solid food almost entirely. I'm living on broth, tea, juice, and a bit of protien or a mandarin orange.
I'm so hungry. It affects me emotionally too. But my colon has gone on strike till we get a stress vacation and I can't get away!
So anyway, I clearly have to divorce this nasty old man. He's cruel, neglectful, and burdensome. He is a wallet, nothing more. Yes, when things go down he's going to cast me into hell by any means at his disposal, I know that. He claims he just packed up and left the last woman but I am dead sure he'll stand and demand ownership, lock stock, and barrel, of the whole affair. He's paid for it, etc.
I had a home, mortgage free, and 20k in debt when he moved here. Now we're around 80k in debt including tax debts and if we quit paying rent on that debt I will lose everything including the house because it's collateral on a large part of that debt.
So it's been an image of the future wherein I, dog and parrot in tow, try to find a cheap apartment I can afford on welfare that would tolerate that parrot (nobody ever.)
So I've remained committed to the marriage, trying to overcome Dan's demons, by combination of praise and scolding, and never letting him get away with being an ass.
I think it's a failing goal. He's too deliberate, and the scolding is all he remembers, so he hates me even more now.
I've also thought of a plan. I can build a tiny house just for me!!! I've been stashing cash and I've got things to sell and the smaller size I need will be very easy and cheap to create. It'll be hard to build with Dan around interfering. He's worse than being alone, let's face it. He'll start by being really friendly and helping out, then acts like he's the project manager and knows everything and it's all on him. Then he gets mad either because I argue, or because he's not up to the responsibility and doesn't want it!
In ten years, however, he's never used violence to win. Not so much as smashing something in front of me or hitting an animal, so I don't think he'll break my work. But he'll definitely close down the budget shortly after I bring home the trailer that's too small, so I'd better have the steel framing supplies bought too. After that I can build it all with salvage and cheap stuff. I'd be happy with a basic insulated box and move in furniture.
He just came in, bye
I could sit and analyze why he hates me but it's irrelevant. Love has turned to hate and it's simmering quietly and coming out in petty little jabs and aggravations. He's always neglected me and always fought me whenever the opportunity presented, as though my function was to play windmill to Don Quixote.
He's unfailingly negative and pugilistic. He stomps on anything about me that's smart, not letting me use my full vocabulary, resenting me for knowing things he doesn't, and always trying to imply that I'm stupid or clumsy or foolish when the inevitable mistakes happen.
Anyone can forget something, break something, spill something, drop something. Anyone. It's perfectly human. But for him, it's to be jumped on and a scathing dressing down is appropriate.
Of course, this means a domestic fight, screaming across the house. I have this strong emotional response, the PBA in the post above, and if you poke me, I roar.
The physical stress is making me ridiculously ill to where I've had to stop eating solid food almost entirely. I'm living on broth, tea, juice, and a bit of protien or a mandarin orange.
I'm so hungry. It affects me emotionally too. But my colon has gone on strike till we get a stress vacation and I can't get away!
So anyway, I clearly have to divorce this nasty old man. He's cruel, neglectful, and burdensome. He is a wallet, nothing more. Yes, when things go down he's going to cast me into hell by any means at his disposal, I know that. He claims he just packed up and left the last woman but I am dead sure he'll stand and demand ownership, lock stock, and barrel, of the whole affair. He's paid for it, etc.
I had a home, mortgage free, and 20k in debt when he moved here. Now we're around 80k in debt including tax debts and if we quit paying rent on that debt I will lose everything including the house because it's collateral on a large part of that debt.
So it's been an image of the future wherein I, dog and parrot in tow, try to find a cheap apartment I can afford on welfare that would tolerate that parrot (nobody ever.)
So I've remained committed to the marriage, trying to overcome Dan's demons, by combination of praise and scolding, and never letting him get away with being an ass.
I think it's a failing goal. He's too deliberate, and the scolding is all he remembers, so he hates me even more now.
I've also thought of a plan. I can build a tiny house just for me!!! I've been stashing cash and I've got things to sell and the smaller size I need will be very easy and cheap to create. It'll be hard to build with Dan around interfering. He's worse than being alone, let's face it. He'll start by being really friendly and helping out, then acts like he's the project manager and knows everything and it's all on him. Then he gets mad either because I argue, or because he's not up to the responsibility and doesn't want it!
In ten years, however, he's never used violence to win. Not so much as smashing something in front of me or hitting an animal, so I don't think he'll break my work. But he'll definitely close down the budget shortly after I bring home the trailer that's too small, so I'd better have the steel framing supplies bought too. After that I can build it all with salvage and cheap stuff. I'd be happy with a basic insulated box and move in furniture.
He just came in, bye