can't wake up
People are told to plan for their old age. To ensure when they get sick and old, there's money to cover costs. I never did. I never ceased to hear about either. My parents were bad for that.
But in truth, suppose I was now sitting on as much surplus as I am debt. Well what would be different? How would that money help me find people to hire? I can't find them now even before I discuss costs. How would that money help me bridge the gap and communicate with strangers or tolerate intimacy? How would having money help me find any service people I could trust?
Frankly I think that money would just be bled away by the wide world of hungry thieves. There's so many "legal" ways to take your money, from inducing poor spending choices to outright taking money "fees, costs and taxes" and the cruelty of inflation. Sure, the dollar value goes down, so your $1000 that you worked so hard to save would have to be worth far more, but the interest you might get if you're lucky will never keep up with the degradation from inflation.
I'm old and sick now. Not very old, and I don't believe I'll stay sick forever, but quite sick. I have no help. I wouldn't know how to find any if I tried. I wouldn't know how to try. How would a huge bank account fix that?
Well I manage. Things aren't as clean and happy as they could be but I keep the dishes clean and the animals get fresh water and food daily. That much I can do no matter how sick. I"d have to be too sick to go to the bathroom, shitting my bed, to be too sick to look after the pets. If I can get up and walk to the toilet, I can care for one of them on the way back to bed, and the same every time I get up.
But I'm not that sick.
I suppose this is about the right place for the TMI. I am so disgusted by my illness I don't discuss it more than I must to explain that I"m sick.
It's my colon, you see. And colon unwellness is the ugliest thing. I guess most illnesses are pretty icky conversations. I've probably talked about it here, though, come to think. It's been going on since last spring. I'm still working on it. Screw talking about it. I won't get any value out of it now or later, I'm sure.
But boy it does get painful. It hurts to sit, so I got one of those ugly rubber donut pillows. My back spasms in sympathy and then nothing but laying prone works and even that is painful enough to make me moan.
I've cut back on my food to amounts not much larger than a half cup of solids twice a day with semi-solids like broth with an egg, or juice, etc. the rest of the day. Tea, nut milks, that sort of food. I should make some green tea and almond milk sweetened with maple syrup. Tastes like bubblegum!
I've lost nearly all my fat. I was pretty low on my weight already this summer, but the last 20 pounds are definitely being removed by this half fasting. I'm trying to rest my digestion but I'm getting so very hungry. Very very hungry.
I worry too that I am not doing things right but there's no place to go for advice. I tried broaching with my doctor and she passed me to the GE whom I cancelled. If I'm still this sick in march, it's going to be too bad to leave the house for an appointment anyway. I'll be dying. I can't stay this sick indefinitely.
Today I am sleepy. I think I'll try eating some green leaves, see if it fixes the morning sleepies. It's bad and doens't improve much all day. I need to make it out to a store and I want to be able to drive with care because yesterday's freezing rain and snow are still on the streets. I guess by now most are salted but who knows?
Too sleepy to keep typing.
But in truth, suppose I was now sitting on as much surplus as I am debt. Well what would be different? How would that money help me find people to hire? I can't find them now even before I discuss costs. How would that money help me bridge the gap and communicate with strangers or tolerate intimacy? How would having money help me find any service people I could trust?
Frankly I think that money would just be bled away by the wide world of hungry thieves. There's so many "legal" ways to take your money, from inducing poor spending choices to outright taking money "fees, costs and taxes" and the cruelty of inflation. Sure, the dollar value goes down, so your $1000 that you worked so hard to save would have to be worth far more, but the interest you might get if you're lucky will never keep up with the degradation from inflation.
I'm old and sick now. Not very old, and I don't believe I'll stay sick forever, but quite sick. I have no help. I wouldn't know how to find any if I tried. I wouldn't know how to try. How would a huge bank account fix that?
Well I manage. Things aren't as clean and happy as they could be but I keep the dishes clean and the animals get fresh water and food daily. That much I can do no matter how sick. I"d have to be too sick to go to the bathroom, shitting my bed, to be too sick to look after the pets. If I can get up and walk to the toilet, I can care for one of them on the way back to bed, and the same every time I get up.
But I'm not that sick.
I suppose this is about the right place for the TMI. I am so disgusted by my illness I don't discuss it more than I must to explain that I"m sick.
It's my colon, you see. And colon unwellness is the ugliest thing. I guess most illnesses are pretty icky conversations. I've probably talked about it here, though, come to think. It's been going on since last spring. I'm still working on it. Screw talking about it. I won't get any value out of it now or later, I'm sure.
But boy it does get painful. It hurts to sit, so I got one of those ugly rubber donut pillows. My back spasms in sympathy and then nothing but laying prone works and even that is painful enough to make me moan.
I've cut back on my food to amounts not much larger than a half cup of solids twice a day with semi-solids like broth with an egg, or juice, etc. the rest of the day. Tea, nut milks, that sort of food. I should make some green tea and almond milk sweetened with maple syrup. Tastes like bubblegum!
I've lost nearly all my fat. I was pretty low on my weight already this summer, but the last 20 pounds are definitely being removed by this half fasting. I'm trying to rest my digestion but I'm getting so very hungry. Very very hungry.
I worry too that I am not doing things right but there's no place to go for advice. I tried broaching with my doctor and she passed me to the GE whom I cancelled. If I'm still this sick in march, it's going to be too bad to leave the house for an appointment anyway. I'll be dying. I can't stay this sick indefinitely.
Today I am sleepy. I think I'll try eating some green leaves, see if it fixes the morning sleepies. It's bad and doens't improve much all day. I need to make it out to a store and I want to be able to drive with care because yesterday's freezing rain and snow are still on the streets. I guess by now most are salted but who knows?
Too sleepy to keep typing.