I am not disabled anymore! Not a miracle.

Ohhhhh, I'm feeeling all kinds of feelings here. Terror, despair, anger, frustration, confusion. All at once. suicidal ideation and all. I got denied for disability. I mean, the doctor didn't know me. Most of my medical records are missing, i have no doctor at all, and the guy basically indicated that while I have challenges, none of them are very bad anyway. Like I clearly can lift because I don't have a PA getting packages home or assisting with household chores. (don't have a home, don't have money to buy packages, wtf?) 
Because I have no choice but to do for myself, I clearly can do for myself? Or maybe it's not getting done at all? What would possibly indicate that I needed help? I'm homeless and unsupported, where would this information be generated? I need help, badly. They give me just 20 days to appeal and I have nothing with which to support my appeal. I am getting $600 a month and have to pay for my meds and ostomy supplies out of that as well as food, fuel and save up for plates? And phone? What the actual fuck is that all about? A non disabled person can't live on 600 and now you expect my special needs to be met?????  
Yeah, frustrated and wantting to smash my brains out on the sidewalk so I can stop caring about anything. It's not like they would have a spot for me if I WAS so profoundly disabled I couldn't stand or walk. They still wouldn't do anything for me. I've seen it!!!! Canadians do not take care of their disabled. Disabled people wind up on the street and it's not long before they're addicts whether by choice or being forced to take it by the other addicts. UGHHHHHH!!!!
So pissed off. So very very very frustrated and confused.
I'll be going to the drop in group on monday and I pray someone there can help me find help. I need it so bad. 

Popular posts from this blog

End of January, good news mostly

I feel so solitary tonight. Like, I want to just talk about things but there's not really an outlet. I went to the knitting group for the 3rd week. I was proud to show off my socks but they were ignored, except maybe for the dude who soon after went from sitting beside me to sitting across the room and table from me. Swiftly, much less. I found that move so pointed I just packed up and left. After all, I wanted to learn socks and I did.  This has me having to think more deeply about my desire for community vs my nerves. See, another thing I just figured out is what ails me. It's not CFS, or MS or another mysterious nervous system disorder. No, it's simple nervous exhaustion. I didn't realiize itcould manifest like this.With such a wide range of alarming symptoms. So I am now adding nerve system rest to my lifestyle. One way is to lay quiet with ablindfold, possibly knitting, or with ambient or classical music playing and no ads. Another is to mask the city noises ...
Read more

why I do my own hair

I booked myself in for a hair appointment yesterday.  I thought it went well, although during some points I sensed she'd turned on me.  However, she was too professional to be obvious about it so I wasn't able to know if it was paranoia or instinct, you know?  I mean, normal humans would sense these things clearly, I'm just left with a vague uncertainty I can't trust.  I can't ask anyone about it as they'd always lie.  Humans always lie.  That's the problem.  They lie, and they expect you to do the same and I just can't. I got done my hair appointment, she tried giving me a discount, several times, as though she'd done something horrible to me, but I was innocent yet.  When I was giving my hair a better look in the bathroom I finally realized she'd swapped the pink and blue colours and I had blue hair with pink accents instead of pink hair with blue accents. I stopped by the salon to make sure she knew, and she acted like she thought that was w...
Read more

does anyone care?

"Meltdowns can take the form of screaming, crying, physical aggression or it can be a shutdown where there is no speaking or activity. In either situation the person with ASD is in tremendous distress. Their safety and emotional stability should be the top priority above all other considerations." I saw this video of a kid having a tantrum and his dog interfering to comfort him. It was titled "dog helps asperger's kid with meltdown."  It was exactly the kind of emotional meltdown I suffer all too frequently. It left me weeping.  Why?  Because everyone seemed to give a damn about the kid's emotional distress.  I've never experienced that.  When I hit emotional distress it's always been a case of "oh there she goes again, taking over the room with dramatic hysterics.  Get her out of here and make sure she regrets it." Now I see above that there are people who actually think it's not okay for someone like me to feel the way I do so oft...
Read more