Christmas week is here
I have a potluck party tomorrow, and I intend to attend. Not sure what I'll bring for alcohol, but I have a pack of mixed nuts thingy, and I'm going to dip marzipan balls in chocolate, and assemble sliced smoked turkey, sliced spiced gouda, and stuffed olives on toothpicks. I'll put them on a platter with some fancy crackers. That ought to suffice for my contribution, eh?
I'm worried about my health. Twice now they've cancelled chemo because my neutrophils were low and this week they're lower than last, not higher! I'm having nasty back aches, headaches, neck aches, and have a swollen gland in my neck. My chronic toothache got a bit scary on the weekend but I managed to stop clenching my teeth the last two nights so that's better. It has a direct connection to clenching, so I figure the problem is uneven pressure due to the missing tooth below it. It can get bad enough to actually put a blister of pus in the roof of my mouth, a sinus that drains right from the tooth socket! I even had a root canal but it wasn't good enough. Probably because the problem didn't come from decay, it came from the uneven pressure on the tooth if I clench while sleeping. I knew that too, but oh well, it's done now. So I'm worrying about why are my neutrophils not recovering, and do the aches and pains I'm feeling indicate a problem? I'm tired too.
Well what I can do about it I am. I'm eating foods that boost immune system. Sushi, miso soup, green tea, kefir, garlic, I even bought organic multi-grain bread for garlic bread. I boosted the miso with my broth cubes. I must say, it was a satisfying lunch and breakfast, so I guess I need these foods a lot! Oh, and spinach salad, heavy on the garlic.
The folks at the cancer center put together a present for me, $250 worth of gift cards to a local store chain that has grocery, gas and lumber stores. I spent half of it last night on the fancy bread, olives, spinach, and I don't know what all, but foods to help me get healthy. I also popped by a local butcher company who offer smoked turkey and bought us a fine christmas turkey, a $78 smoked turkey as big as a toddler. Yummy stuff! I don't care for dark meat usually but in the smoked form, I do, so that's anotyher way to improve my blood, I figure. The dark stuff has more blood ingredients in it, right? that's what makes it dark? Yeah, some of my dietary stuff is sketchy, LOL, based on snippets of half remembered information and instinct and logic.
There were live musicians at the clinic yesterday, a harpist and a violinist, and they were doing lovely christmas carols. Then there was a basket of sweet get well cards for all of us from a local school. I took one home. I haven't got it up yet because I forgot when I got home. I just thought it was really sweet. As to christmas, I really am not going to celebrate it. The decorations are behind my bed in the attic, through a narrow door, so very hard to get out and then the house gets super crowded with crap. Nope, not gonna bother. The meal? Well I'm already ten pounds overweight so this isn't a good time to binge for me. I'm also finding it super hard to eat less than I put out because I'm feeling too ill to put out a lot of energy.
I've been doing vlogmas on youtube, yapping at the camera daily. I had a few interested people the first two but they've quit. It's weird, people on meeting me tell I'm very interesting, but I wonder why. It seems to me I must actualy be quite boring. People don't seek out my company and nobody's watching me babble at the camera. I dunno. I figure if I just keep doing it I'm bound to get better at it and I enjoy talking to the camera. It's the only thing that stares at me in fascination while I talk about my day!
I also find it liberating to be ignored, like this blog, I feel safer because I know nobody's paying attention to me. It's not much good for trying to earn income, LOL, but it's a year before I worry about that.
Speaking of which, Dan just might get to come along. He hasn't pissed me off in a week now! Or nearly a week. Incidents of him being a prick have really reduced compared to this time last year and over the last 12 years he most assuredly has improved. I know people say you can't fix people but is that really true? Is it truly impossible to retrain each other? I don't think it is. We do it all the time. Just not usually when they're as bad off as Dan has been. But the right person with the right character can, I think. I think I'm as close to the right character as you can get. I've been seeing progress and change too. He'll never be a sweet heart, I can see, he'll never compliment me or act in a way that's romantic, or even offer shoulder rubs, but if he can just be tolerable as a roommate, his income earning ability certainly makes him valuable. I could do a lot better with his income than without it in a bus. Some things are easier without him, like I don't need any kind of real toilet just for myself, I can just piss in the grey water bucket under the sink. Just yank it out, pee in it, put it back. With Dan, a toilet for shit is required. Then too, sleeping for two takes more room than sleeping for one, again a bit of a nuisance and do we try to share a bed or not? Can I make a sleeping place for myself that won't let his snores come through? But he doesn't snore that hard anymore, he even fixed that, so do I need to? Questions to be answered as the year progresses. I've got enough to buy a bus now, and am still saving more. Well, I'm not trying to solve these things now. I'm considering them, letting them swirl around in my head waiting for new ideas and information to spark something. Meantime, trying to heal, trying to deal with my fear over my health. Trying to deal with fears about the political climate out there in human space. I figure if we get into our off-grid bus the only real impact their BS will have on us will be how hard it is to get fuel and the condition of the roads. Plus if we're running diesel for all our vehicles, we can learn to convert them to vegetable oil and save a little money that way too.
We ordered a new printer, finally. I've been wanting something better than the makerbot mini since before we got it, but the prices have always been too high. Then I saw a review of a $250 printer on gearbest.com. Then went to that site and WHOA NELLY, would you LOOK at those prices??!!! Yeah, we have one coming over the next couple weeks that cost us less than $200 and will do ABS and ninjaflex as well as pla. it has a heated bed and is based on the prusa model, a cartesian setup. I don't think it does self leveling and it certainly won't work over the network. It runs off a microsd card and we need to learn new software to prepare the models for it. We'll also need to print off some accessories to improve it's function but truly we could do those on the makerbot and have them ready when it's assembled. Yeah, we assemble it ourselves. Right down to attaching bare wires to terminals. I don't think we have to solder, but that's about it.
Speaking of solder kits, I bought a blinkyPOV at princess auto and I do in fact have to surface solder the components on the board with that. But that's okay, I need more practice. If only I had the time for all my hobbies. The kit is waiting for my leg warmers to be knitted. I also have a sweater on the go, and I'm not even bothering to worry about the projects I've suspended due to lack of skill, like the gloves I might never finish. I'll be in BC before I need those and likely won't need them at all anymore.
I also very much want to weave myself a lap blanket of wool. I did a bolt of wool that I ran through the washing machine to full it and I love the way the fabric turned out. So I decided a lovely checker patterned blanket in two colours would be fab. Now of course I'm thinking if I throw in a third colour I truly have plaid. Heheh. Yeah why not? I need to buy more wool to make it I think, well, maybe I can use some of what's around the house. But that project waits till the sweater is made which waits for the blinky POV which waits on the leg warmers and everything stops when the printer gets here and needs assembling. Then of course come spring, everything goes on hold while I get the yard ready and buy a bus to put in it!
In spite of the trouble it'll be to get out, I've decided to pull the bus in nose first. This will make putting the smart car garage a lot easier. We'll be able to bring the car in a do test runs. Otherwise we'd be unable to test it till the whole job's done and we drive the bus back out.
I've gotten really good at stopping myself crying. I'll be doing something that leaves me too much time to think or maybe something triggers upsetting thoughts, and I'm getting better at saying "no, crying is bad for me, I'll stop" and then redirecting my thoughts and calming my body. Losing that fucking tumour helped a lot. I was so damn sick.
Ok, I should work up a vlog idea for today. What to talk about? Hmmm, do I try and talk about something interesting, my day, or ? I was afraid that doing it daily would exhaust my ideas, and it appears possible. Or maybe it's just some days I'll be more creative than others and this is just a case of being tired.
I'm worried about my health. Twice now they've cancelled chemo because my neutrophils were low and this week they're lower than last, not higher! I'm having nasty back aches, headaches, neck aches, and have a swollen gland in my neck. My chronic toothache got a bit scary on the weekend but I managed to stop clenching my teeth the last two nights so that's better. It has a direct connection to clenching, so I figure the problem is uneven pressure due to the missing tooth below it. It can get bad enough to actually put a blister of pus in the roof of my mouth, a sinus that drains right from the tooth socket! I even had a root canal but it wasn't good enough. Probably because the problem didn't come from decay, it came from the uneven pressure on the tooth if I clench while sleeping. I knew that too, but oh well, it's done now. So I'm worrying about why are my neutrophils not recovering, and do the aches and pains I'm feeling indicate a problem? I'm tired too.
Well what I can do about it I am. I'm eating foods that boost immune system. Sushi, miso soup, green tea, kefir, garlic, I even bought organic multi-grain bread for garlic bread. I boosted the miso with my broth cubes. I must say, it was a satisfying lunch and breakfast, so I guess I need these foods a lot! Oh, and spinach salad, heavy on the garlic.
The folks at the cancer center put together a present for me, $250 worth of gift cards to a local store chain that has grocery, gas and lumber stores. I spent half of it last night on the fancy bread, olives, spinach, and I don't know what all, but foods to help me get healthy. I also popped by a local butcher company who offer smoked turkey and bought us a fine christmas turkey, a $78 smoked turkey as big as a toddler. Yummy stuff! I don't care for dark meat usually but in the smoked form, I do, so that's anotyher way to improve my blood, I figure. The dark stuff has more blood ingredients in it, right? that's what makes it dark? Yeah, some of my dietary stuff is sketchy, LOL, based on snippets of half remembered information and instinct and logic.
There were live musicians at the clinic yesterday, a harpist and a violinist, and they were doing lovely christmas carols. Then there was a basket of sweet get well cards for all of us from a local school. I took one home. I haven't got it up yet because I forgot when I got home. I just thought it was really sweet. As to christmas, I really am not going to celebrate it. The decorations are behind my bed in the attic, through a narrow door, so very hard to get out and then the house gets super crowded with crap. Nope, not gonna bother. The meal? Well I'm already ten pounds overweight so this isn't a good time to binge for me. I'm also finding it super hard to eat less than I put out because I'm feeling too ill to put out a lot of energy.
I've been doing vlogmas on youtube, yapping at the camera daily. I had a few interested people the first two but they've quit. It's weird, people on meeting me tell I'm very interesting, but I wonder why. It seems to me I must actualy be quite boring. People don't seek out my company and nobody's watching me babble at the camera. I dunno. I figure if I just keep doing it I'm bound to get better at it and I enjoy talking to the camera. It's the only thing that stares at me in fascination while I talk about my day!
I also find it liberating to be ignored, like this blog, I feel safer because I know nobody's paying attention to me. It's not much good for trying to earn income, LOL, but it's a year before I worry about that.
Speaking of which, Dan just might get to come along. He hasn't pissed me off in a week now! Or nearly a week. Incidents of him being a prick have really reduced compared to this time last year and over the last 12 years he most assuredly has improved. I know people say you can't fix people but is that really true? Is it truly impossible to retrain each other? I don't think it is. We do it all the time. Just not usually when they're as bad off as Dan has been. But the right person with the right character can, I think. I think I'm as close to the right character as you can get. I've been seeing progress and change too. He'll never be a sweet heart, I can see, he'll never compliment me or act in a way that's romantic, or even offer shoulder rubs, but if he can just be tolerable as a roommate, his income earning ability certainly makes him valuable. I could do a lot better with his income than without it in a bus. Some things are easier without him, like I don't need any kind of real toilet just for myself, I can just piss in the grey water bucket under the sink. Just yank it out, pee in it, put it back. With Dan, a toilet for shit is required. Then too, sleeping for two takes more room than sleeping for one, again a bit of a nuisance and do we try to share a bed or not? Can I make a sleeping place for myself that won't let his snores come through? But he doesn't snore that hard anymore, he even fixed that, so do I need to? Questions to be answered as the year progresses. I've got enough to buy a bus now, and am still saving more. Well, I'm not trying to solve these things now. I'm considering them, letting them swirl around in my head waiting for new ideas and information to spark something. Meantime, trying to heal, trying to deal with my fear over my health. Trying to deal with fears about the political climate out there in human space. I figure if we get into our off-grid bus the only real impact their BS will have on us will be how hard it is to get fuel and the condition of the roads. Plus if we're running diesel for all our vehicles, we can learn to convert them to vegetable oil and save a little money that way too.
We ordered a new printer, finally. I've been wanting something better than the makerbot mini since before we got it, but the prices have always been too high. Then I saw a review of a $250 printer on gearbest.com. Then went to that site and WHOA NELLY, would you LOOK at those prices??!!! Yeah, we have one coming over the next couple weeks that cost us less than $200 and will do ABS and ninjaflex as well as pla. it has a heated bed and is based on the prusa model, a cartesian setup. I don't think it does self leveling and it certainly won't work over the network. It runs off a microsd card and we need to learn new software to prepare the models for it. We'll also need to print off some accessories to improve it's function but truly we could do those on the makerbot and have them ready when it's assembled. Yeah, we assemble it ourselves. Right down to attaching bare wires to terminals. I don't think we have to solder, but that's about it.
Speaking of solder kits, I bought a blinkyPOV at princess auto and I do in fact have to surface solder the components on the board with that. But that's okay, I need more practice. If only I had the time for all my hobbies. The kit is waiting for my leg warmers to be knitted. I also have a sweater on the go, and I'm not even bothering to worry about the projects I've suspended due to lack of skill, like the gloves I might never finish. I'll be in BC before I need those and likely won't need them at all anymore.
I also very much want to weave myself a lap blanket of wool. I did a bolt of wool that I ran through the washing machine to full it and I love the way the fabric turned out. So I decided a lovely checker patterned blanket in two colours would be fab. Now of course I'm thinking if I throw in a third colour I truly have plaid. Heheh. Yeah why not? I need to buy more wool to make it I think, well, maybe I can use some of what's around the house. But that project waits till the sweater is made which waits for the blinky POV which waits on the leg warmers and everything stops when the printer gets here and needs assembling. Then of course come spring, everything goes on hold while I get the yard ready and buy a bus to put in it!
In spite of the trouble it'll be to get out, I've decided to pull the bus in nose first. This will make putting the smart car garage a lot easier. We'll be able to bring the car in a do test runs. Otherwise we'd be unable to test it till the whole job's done and we drive the bus back out.
I've gotten really good at stopping myself crying. I'll be doing something that leaves me too much time to think or maybe something triggers upsetting thoughts, and I'm getting better at saying "no, crying is bad for me, I'll stop" and then redirecting my thoughts and calming my body. Losing that fucking tumour helped a lot. I was so damn sick.
Ok, I should work up a vlog idea for today. What to talk about? Hmmm, do I try and talk about something interesting, my day, or ? I was afraid that doing it daily would exhaust my ideas, and it appears possible. Or maybe it's just some days I'll be more creative than others and this is just a case of being tired.